Phone call from another woman

[Lucky0707]

Hello all, earlier today I received a call from a woman regarding my partner. to roughly quote she said. "You don't know me and I've only just found out about you. Sorry to be delivering bad news but your boyfriend has been sleeping with me. I don't want to get involved so I will leave it at that. I won't be seeing him again, i want nothing to do with a man like that. Take care"
I have known him for 5 years but We've only been together as a couple for 1 year since his divorce. I don't know if to take it seriously or think its malicious. His ex wife and mum to his kids hates me, but has only ever made direct verbal abuse. My split from my ex wasn't happy but i have heard nothing since our last day together. I just can't believe this has happened. When I asked him seemed shocked and strongly denied it but surely that would be the response either way. I was very happy but this has cast a shadow. just don't know what to do

Not good. Are you ok OP?

Now she's called back, I'm more inclined to think it's a hoax call. Somebody close isn't happy that the shits not hit the fan and is stirring.

Hmmm,

Or it's genuine and she wants him to leave you. Who knows.

I hope you get to the bottom of it.

she has phoned again because her reason for phoning the first time has not worked out ie. you have not thrown him out

the reason she knows this is because she is still in touch with him and the affair is ongoing

that is how I would understand this

anyfucker you took the words right out of my mouth. I know because I was a phone call maker! In my defence it was actually MY partner she was sleeping with and she was the OW but she didn't know about me.
I didn't want him but I wanted her to show him the door too. She didn't. I didn't make another call but I wanted to.

I hope I am not right, but this is how I would be processing this information and it would be directing my next step

she has called again I asked for some more details and she said it is very casual and started in august (when I was away with work) she didn't give any exact dates or times as said she didn't want any repercussions as he knows where she lives

I try to adhere to the principle of innocent until proven guilty. but the fact the caller has now stated that the alleged sexual liaison began in a month during which you were away from home suggests he may have a case to answer.

On the other hand, the caller's reluctance to give exact dates or times could be indication of her, or someone she's making the calls for, knowing that you were away sometime during August but not knowing when you were absent from home.

It's a hard one to call, but on the strenght of this second conversation you'd be a fool to ignore the possibility that he's been up to no good on a hook up site.

The fact that she has called again is weird, IMHO.. what if she is one of US and has been reading this thread???

The caller did say to the OP Ive only just found out about you so I suspect the woman was becoming suspicious and he confessed he was in a relationship. She probably then asked but how did you manage to start this and he said - my partner was away in August.

The original call to the OP is the kind of thing people put together here when a poster is going to tell someone their partner is cheating.

I think it rings true. If it was a vindictive type call I think it would have have contained gory details but instead the call was well thought out.

Why the second call? I think the first one made the caller angry, she didn't feel that great after it, so she made another one. She said she didn't want to get involved, that she'd leave it at that, but human nature being what it is the first call didn't leave her in peace. It set of a thought process and had her in some kind of turmoil.

If he's been sleeping with her, then unless she's one of many (does he have the time OP?) then he knows who she is anyway - and the not wanting repercussions bit is bollocks.

Sounds more like a hoax to me now OP.

The second call and a few more details does indicate that whatever reaction she wanted from the original call hasn't happened so she is upping the ante

• either its a hoax and a huge shit storm didn't happen so adding in details like "one of many", "hook up sites" could be enough to tip things over the edge
• or he has been in touch with OW and told her off for calling - either because it only ever was a ONS and therefore how very dare she interfere with his life, or its part of a relationship but she's forcing him into a corner because he's been giving her lots of empty promises about leaving.

If the only suspect for the hoax is the ex - then what interaction has she had over the last few days? If she put someone up to it, then surely she would be keeping close to watch for the expected fireworks? You'd need a bloody good poker face to get a mate to make that type of call, and then not find reasons to contact. So if the ex has made no unusual contact (and doesn't do so in the next few days) then I'd be inclined to discount that theory - which leaves the theory that its the truth...

Next time she calls (and there will be a next time) I would say "yes, I know everything, I know who you are and I know where you live. And I know all the dates and times and the intimate details." Then hang up and wait for the reaction. And there will be a reaction.

People like this woman rely on the element of shock and surprise. Don't give it to them. Act as if you know everything. That way if it's a hoax the person is likely to lose it because they are no longer in control.

Even if it's true-what does she want? Why would she be trying to split you up? If he's just a casual fling to her why create so many waves? I mean if it was his ex wife I can imagine a lot of bitterness but this is someone who apparently has just slept with him? It doesn't sound right to me! There's more to this story!

It sounds less plausible with the second call. If they met on a hook up site and it was very casual why is she suddenly so bothered to find he is married? Though even if all that is a lie, why is she lying?

Edge hasn't got what she wanted which is why she is calling again.

She didn't call the first time to let you know for your own sake. Wether it's true or not she called to hurt him and you.

Because there has been no fallout she has called again.

I can't say wether it's true or not. No one can.

Either it is someone you both know and it's a hoax and they are are frustrated that nothing has happened.

Or it's true and she knows you haven't split. If it's true and she knows you haven't split, how does she know.

She says try met up from a hook up site. So she doesn't work with him or socialise with him. So is she monitoring his Facebook? Your Facebook? Would either of you put this sort of thing on Facebook?

I don't know if she has had sex with him or not. But I don't think she met him on a hook up site. She knows him some other way. Possibly the exs friend, as the ex would know if you had split.

It hasn't convinced me that it's true. It's someone who wants you to split. If it was just a shag, why would she want that?

I'm still not convinced but as PP have said it sounds like she hasn't got the reaction she wanted so she is upping the ante.

I've also been the phone call maker. Well, email sender. I kidded myself I did it for noble reasons (to help the ow out) but in reality I did it to hurt my ex and split them up. It didn't work because she'd known about me all along and fucked him anyway

Agree with shoes, on the next call, if there is one, I think you should say you will only take it seriously if she gives a name that checks out. Otherwise IMO you have a baiter there.

Could be a hoax. Who knows what peculiar reasons people have for doing such things, but they sometimes do.

I got caught up in someone else's drama many, many years ago. Someone told my boss's wife that we'd slept together. We hadn't. Because the company had a culture of socialising together often (90's) and we were all also friends, he had stayed at mine along with another couple of colleagues on a night out (because it was convenient and I had the room). Nothing iffy going on at all. Unfortunately, someone who worked for him and knew us both had a bit of a beef with him and wanted to hurt him, so told this lie. It caused a lot of heartache to her and there was nothing I could do about it except maintain the truth that nothing was going on.

So people do tell lies like this for odd reasons. OP, is there any way that someone at his work is trying to cause trouble for him?

Someone at work would also know that you were away for a longish period of time - it doesn't take much to find that out during general conversation.

DH got an anonymous letter through the door the day before our wedding saying I'd been having an affair with X from work. Thankfully DH didn't believe it, ripped it up and threw it in the bin. It was malicious. I have never cheated on DH in any way, no emotional affair, no kissing, nothing in any way. I was friends with X whilst at work but never saw them outside of work.

So coming from the other side I'm so glad DH didn't believe it, and end our 7 years together, (we'd never had had DS etc).

It's a tough one though. Maybe could you snoop at emails to see if he's signed up to dating/fling websites and see if you find anything that matches what she told you? Just to put your mind at rest?
I called X that morning in a state of panic, (our wedding will be cancelled, DH will leave me etc) and got DH to talk to him to try to put his mind at rest. He didn't want to, but did. It just made me feel better knowing he had spoken to X and could ask questions if he felt he needed to. He didn't. It's not caused any issues since re trust etc.

If she rings again why don't you ask if she has any messages/emails or photos? Or if she met him online, is there a profile she could direct you to?

When I was inadvertently the ow, I did contemplate contacting his wife on Facebook and telling her what he had been up to and that I had messages if she wanted proof. (I didn't btw.)

A second call when she said she wouldn't call back and won't give you any further details stinks of shit stirring to me. If she calls again I'd say something along the lines of 'You are making serious allegations and are giving me no evidence or details, I assume you are trying to hurt us for some reason. I am ending this call, if you call me again I'm all ears if you have any details (dates, things he told her, etc) but if not please do not call me again. If you continue to do so I will be logging your calls to the police as you are harassing me. Goodbye.'
Obviously the police wouldn't give a flying fuck but it might stop a childish, malicious caller.
I'd keep my eyes open, of course but imo it makes no sense for her to want to keep calling without 'outing' him if it were true.