I've been a long time lurker but I really need some outside perspective on this - it's been going round and round in my head since I found the messages yesterday evening and I can't sleep. Haven't spoken to anyone (including him) in RL yet and feeling upset, confused and angry.
So I checked on DH's WhatsApp messages yesterday evening and found an archived conversation from Sat eve/ Sun morning with said pic of his dick, bra & knicker shot of her, along with messages of how the thought of her makes him hard etc etc. I know I shouldn't have snooped - serves me right. He'd been out the night before with his BF as he does each week (although I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what his GF or BF is up to) and I have a strong feeling this isn't the first conversation of its type to her.
I haven't spoken to DH yet. I know he'll be utterly vile and that it'll be my fault (after denying it first). It's not the first time he's sexted other women. Pre marriage he had an ongoing sexting relationship with someone (we'll have been married 11 years this year and have 3 DC) and I made the decision to marry him anyway in the ridiculous hope/thought that it was a one off. Then he slept with someone after we'd been married for 18 months when our DD was 6 months. He never apologised for cheating and denied it and denied it, then had a go at me for snooping (although he'd left the computer on the email that led to me finding out). I've not been able to let this go, mainly because of his reaction and lack of any apology - he somehow justified it to himself (midlife crisis, I didn't understand him....) although we haven't spoken about it since - I promised I wouldn't throw it back at him in every argument we had.
I feel so stupid. I feel hurt and angry and upset by the messages yesterday. I know it's not technically cheating but it hurts just as much. But I knew what he was like when I married him. And I know there must be other things he's done that I don't know about. I don't want to be with him but more of me doesn't want to break up our family. I don't want our children to have to go through a divorce.
Having said that, I'm going to make an appt to see a solicitor tomorrow so I'm in possession of some facts and hopefully I'll feel better for doing sonething proactive, but I'm also scared that it will scare me into doing nothing - again.
When I talk to him about this I know he's going to be horrid - that it's my fault for snooping, not having enough sex with him, that he'll fight me for custody of the children if I try to divorce him (we had the conversation last time). I can't forgive him, I'm sure he'll do it again (a leopard can't change its spots right?), but I'm scared that I'll feel even worse separated from him. Part of me just wants to bury my head in the sand and do nothing at all.
Sorry for the long rambling post. Just needed to share. I'm at a total loss about how to deal with this. I can't see that talking with him will help.