Re: Feeling so down after husband has left me for another woman after 30 years

[Hushabyemountain98]

I posted yesterday but was a bit too detailed.
I am feeling so down and tonight I found myself sobbing out load.
I am finding this so hard. Even though I have a supportive family and friends.

Good morning Kirk.
I am so sorry that you are still stuck in a cycle of despair.
I know how hard it is. Everyday is a challenge. I think if I did not have my sons I wouldn't have wanted to carry on.
I know what you mean about being bored with yourself. I am also worried about other people being bored with me too!
I dream about my husband too and I lay awake thinking of him being with this woman. The trouble is the only person that is hurting is me as he has moved on and could not give a jot about me.
I am sure that there are other MNetters that have wiser words than me.
All I can say is that I am thinking of you and I hope that life will get easier for you soon.
Take Care xx

Good morning Hush and Kirk. I have read many times that in the case of relationship breakdown it takes roughly one month for every year together to get over it. I don't think that you will ever properly get over it (hate that term) as there will always be a scar, a hole, however you want to describe it.
But at the very least it may help you to accept that the grieving process that we are going through may take a long time. Because we were with our husbands a long time. Our heads have to go through all the if's and but's, all the little scenarios, all our memories and all our plans and hopes that we had for the future. Mix in the betrayal, the feeling of rejection, the worries about our age and all the other emotions and it's one hell of a big mess! It's a lot to process.
So as in your case Kirk, even though you have got to the absolute stage you're bound to still feel very, very sad at what has happened. You've had to apply for a divorce for sound practical reasons. But it's not what you wanted to do. You never envisaged yourself in this position. And your heart and your mind has not caught up with that yet. It just takes time. We live in a world where everything is expected to happen now, straightaway. If you don't get over it within a short time you think you are viewed as weak or incapable. Well, it's not weak. It's just being human. Good humans too!
Grab whatever help is offered. Counselling, talking to friends, medicine.
Whatever you think will help.
I dream of my husband too. I wish it was Brad Pitt instead!

Thank you pisco for your helpful advice and kind words , everyday I get through helps and time is the only healer I think , I cannot control my ex , he has moved on from me and all of my emotions are wasted on him ! I am strong I will survive as will all of us on mn together , btw I never thought I would I write that last year ! So honestly everyone it does get better ❤️❤️❤️

Good morning Pisco.
All that you have said here is true. I know that I am not very far through the process yet. Kirk is further down the line but still finding life difficult.
There is not really a lot more I can say. I just feel sorry for anyone on here that has had to go through this. On this site there is so much help and kindness.
I am not sure who I would like to dream about!
Take care xx

I'm partial to a bit of David Tennant myself. Unfortunately, I seem to get the short straw when it comes to nice dreams!

How are you this evening? Xx

Thanks WTAFF. I hope your dreams improve and maybe include a bit of David Tennant!
I am a bit low again. My mind is still concentrating on things it shouldn't and I am feeling pretty lonely! I am also still suffering with toothache!
I hope you are having a nice evening? Xx

Hi Hush. I'm sorry that you're feeling low. You are bound to have more downs than ups at this very early stage.

Try not to think about things too much and try and keep yourself busy. Do you have any plans for this evening - tv/crafts etc?

My boyfriend has had a bad day at work and is ignoring me so I'm having a quiet one - just watching corrie!

Hi there Hush so sorry to hear about your toothache - hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon - a nice big gin might help too! Xx

Hi WTAFF. Thank you for your message. I am watching the 'Night Manager' again from last night.
I am sorry that your boyfriend is ignoring you. I hope you enjoyed corrie?
Take care xx

Hi there Chicon. Thank you for your message. I hope the antibiotics kick in soon! I do not think I am supposed to be drinking alcohol with these tablets?
I hope you are okay?xx

It was ok - it passed half an hour anyway!

Enjoy the Night Manager. Xx

Thanks WTAFF xx

Oh, yes, you are probably right!

Unfortunately I think I am!
Any nice cakes today?xx

Hush how weird the toothache I got toothache too after he left I ended up paying £624 for a bridge all due to bloody grinding my teeth when I did eventually go to sleep , everything happened in the following 6 months after he left , boiler broke , toilet flooded brown liquid , I sprained my ankle , my sons girlfriend of 5 yrs dumped him , my dad got ill then my nan it was like come on how much can you cope with !! I spent over £1000 on my teeth last year and went on 3 lots of antibiotics due to my stress grinding , I am sorry you are feeling low it's the pain and the penicillin makes you feel awful , had my friend for tea tonight and cried again !! Her sisters husband walked out on her for a younger model 5 years ago and she said she is still healing , I need to heal now though !!! I won't let this hurt me for much longer I have to dig a bit deeper to get better girls ❤️ 50 in May 🎂

Good evening. Funny that, my dentist also asked if I had been grinding my teeth! I know that sometimes I used to clench my teeth so hard I thought they were going to crack in my head.
Tonight we watched Royal Navy School. Hopefully it will have banished any ideas my kids might have about running away to sea and also it will show them that I am a pussycat in comparison to those officers yelling at the new recruits!
How are you getting on with the clear up Hush? Have you made much progress, or are you like me, sitting in the middle of it all going through each individual thing? I had a big clear out last summer. The charity shop did really well and I must have recycled a ton of stuff too. It does feel great at the time.
Good night all, sleep well xxx

Hi Kirk,
Sorry you had all the problems with your teeth after he left. Also all the other problems you and your family had. It all becomes too much to cope with.
Sorry that you ended up crying when you had your friend around for tea. But it is probably better out than in! I hope that you will heal soon. Why does it hurt for so long? It is just because we are human and have feelings!
Take care of yourself xx

Good evening Pisco,
Teeth grinding seems to be a theme here! Mine is an infection on one side and something else on the other. It is not easy to eat!
I have not watched the Royal Navy School because of a certain person! I am glad that your kids have realised that you are a pussycat!
I did a little more of my clear up today but every time I leant over my mouth hurt more! Yes it sounds as though I am like you sitting in the middle of it all going through each individual item. Sometimes I think back to these programmes on horders and wonder if I am a little like that!
Glad that the charity shop did really well from your clear out.
Well I better close now and try to get some sleep.
Goodnight xx

Good morning Hush. How are you? Did you sleep much, or did the toothache keep you awake? Have you managed to eat anything? All these questions!

Good Morning Pisco.
I did get some sleep thanks. One side of my mouth seems a little easier this morning. Last night it was terrible. I am hoping I will be able to eat a little more today.
I have walked my dogs. I better get the jobs I have to do done!
I hope your kids were okay going back to school yesterday?
I hope you have a nice day.
xx

I'm glad it feels a little better. Hopefully the antibiotics are doing their thing.
Try something liquid to eat. Maybe some tinned soup, or even a hot chocolate made with milk. Whatever takes your fancy!
Kids went back to school reluctantly, but they went without too much fuss. I do miss their company. But I get them home every evening. If it wasn't for them I would have been at a complete loss, so I'm very grateful to them.

Thanks Pisco. I am going out for a coffee with a friend this afternoon. So I will probably have a hot chocolate then. I may have soup for dinner. Good idea!
I have just made a cake. I thought I better otherwise I will probably lose my skills. I still make bread every day.
I am glad that your kids went back to school without too much fuss. I am sure you do miss their company.It is nice that they come home every evening. I hate the evenings on my own. I try to lose myself in TV dramas but it is not the same on your own. I am hoping that my youngest will come home at some point this week.
I hope you have a good day xx

That's so lovely that you make bread every day. Puts my suggestion of tinned soup to shame, your home made bread deserves something better. If you can't be bothered to make some soup yourself maybe one of those posher ready made soups in the carton type things (like cream is sold in).
Fresh buttered bread floating in soup. Mmmmm.....
Yes, I know what you mean about watching dramas by yourself. The stuff we watch is good for anyone, but I can't watch anything like Breaking Bad or House of Cards with them. So it's mainly comedies, which is fine by me.
Enjoy your coffee out with your friend xxx

Thanks Pisco. Don't be silly, I do not mind eating tinned soup. Especially Heinz Cream of Tomato. My bread goes really well with that.

I am glad that you enjoy comedies. My son bought a box set of 'Bewitched' the series. It is really good. I see they are making a one off of 'Are you being served'. I am not sure that it will be like the original!

Thanks xx

If it's going to be tinned soup then it must be Heinz Cream of Tomato, with an extra dollop of cream!
Bewitched, with Samantha?! I used to love that show! I used to practise wiggling my nose for hours. Still married a bloody toad though!