Re: Feeling so down after husband has left me for another woman after 30 years

[Hushabyemountain98]

I posted yesterday but was a bit too detailed.
I am feeling so down and tonight I found myself sobbing out load.
I am finding this so hard. Even though I have a supportive family and friends.

Not sick Hush - completely normal. He's a selfish twat and I hope you and your solicitor are ensuring that he's not able to wriggle out of ensuring that you get everything due to you after so many years together.

Thanks Louisa. I think my solicitor is on top of all this. I have taken my son to the station. On the way back an Adele track came on the radio and I had a meltdown. I have been on the phone to my sister. She was a great help. She told me that I have to put myself first and try and move forward as I am still thinking about what he thinks and wants. He is not thinking about me! But it is still so hard. She suggested that I try and sort my room out and make it just mine as I know you have and other MN friends.
Have a nice day xx

HI Hush,
On one hand, the advice 'when you're ready' is vital - you will deal with this when you feel ready to tackle different things. On the other hand, it is possible to get stuck in a cycle of despair. That's when doing small things that help you move forward is important. Perhaps others can advise about how they moved forward?
It's up to you if and when you follow anyone's advice. We are not living your life even though at times we may have an insight into some of your experiences.
'Fake it till you make it' is something that I have read here often. Could you set yourself a project to do something that will improve your situation / make you feel better / treat yourself to something? xx

Hi Louisa,

I have been in my bedroom and started boxing up my dh things that have been left out. I cannot let him destroy me like this. He does not care a jot about me. He has made that quite clear. He is still prepared to lie and cheat to get what he wants. Even to blacken my name!
You are right I have got in a cycle of despair but I am the only one who can get myself out of it in the end.
Any advice emotionally or with financial or legal stuff would be gratefully received, as I know that there is a wealth of experience on here.

Thanks for listening again.
xx

Well done you! The reality is very hard - he's moved on and is not thinking of you. This is fighting back and creating YOUR space, YOUR life, YOUR rules.

When you've made the space, fill it with something nice, and if funds allow, buy some those new sheets, throw, etc. And of course .

Thank you Louisa.

I will fill my space with something nice.
I will think about the new bedding and some flowers.

Xx

Hooray! It doesn't matter to us how long it takes for you to be ready to move forward ... You aren't doing it for anyone except you. But really glad you have taken the plunge. Xxx

Thanks Chicon. I hope you are enjoying your time in Austria? Are you enjoying the strudel? I gave not been skiing but I have been to Vienna several times. I really like Sacher torte!

Enjoy xx

I've just taken the plunge and had my first helping xx

Enjoy Chicon!xx

Well done for boxing up tosser's things and getting them out of the bedroom.

Even though you don't feel like doing these things, it's a bit like when you force yourself to smile. One small act in the 'Getting rid of the useless prick' process will increase your feel good factor and you'll feel like doing more. It's a virtuous circle, if you like.

Thank you Breadandwine.
I couldn't write the things that you have written about my dh!
I am going to try to do something everyday to sort the house out and make it mine for the time I have left here.

Have a nice evening xx

Hello Hushabye - I've been following your thread since I started my own and we seem to be in a similar place at times.

It's hard to know what to do with yourself at times, isn't it? I, like you, have had fantastic support on MN and I absolutely love logging in to see that there's been a new message. I have been talking and talking and talking at my RL friends and although I know they are all there for me day and night, I do feel a bit awkward about taking up their time too much.

I'm lucky that my DC are all still living at home, but it's hard sometimes because when I break down and really grieve, I'm conscious that it upsets them too. It's hard for them to see me in distress and to know that it's their Dad who has caused it. They care for me and also (well two of them at least) care for him. DD1 is having huge issues with DH, but I worry that if the issues are not resolved then this might lead to future unhappiness for her. I don't care about his feelings, but I do care about hers. It's all so difficult.

I noticed that others posters have mentioned volunteering and that you have great baking and cooking skills... One thing that you might perhaps consider is volunteering in a primary school (Infant and/or Junior). From my experience, teachers are usually delighted to have an extra pair of hands especially with the younger age group and people who have skills like yours are very welcome. Classrooms are such busy places and teachers have so much to cover that other adults are a godsend. Also, there is nothing like a class of 30 infants to help distract you from anything. Another thing is that very often opportunities can arise for volunteers who are known to school staff and considered to be "good eggs". Might be something worth a go when you are feeling a bit stronger? It's usually a case of popping into a local school/schools and finding out what the procedure is for anybody wanting to volunteer.

Sending all my support to you on this horrible, horrible path we are travelling along. I am struggling with all the emotions and the terrible strangeness of the world as it is now. I torture myself with imagining what DH is doing with OW and that he seems to be so glad to be rid of me at last. It's unbearable at times.

Take care of yourself. Aren't the MNetters wonderful? Such support from strangers.

Hello tartanbuggy,
This is the second time I have typed a message to you. I was almost at the end when I lost the lot!
Thank you for your supportive message.
It is hard to know what to do with yourself at times!I am glad that you have had fantastic support on Mumsnet too. I do not know what I would have done without them.

You are lucky that you have your DC are at home. Having been there when my children were at home several times, I know it is not easy. You are in bits but you have to try and carry on for them. It is upsetting for them too and you do not want to add to that. I hope that your DD1 will be able to get through this too. These men are so selfish and have a lot to answer for.

I dropped my youngest son off at the station today and on the way back Adele came on the radio singing 'When we were young'. That was it! I had a job to see through the tears. I backed the car on the drive and just cried and cried!

Thank you for your suggestions about volunteering in a school. When I feel stronger I will make some enquiries.

Sending you my support too. I know what you mean about all the emotions and the terrible strangeness of the world as it is now. Everything has been turned on its head. It is unbearable at times. All our Mumsnet friends do say that eventually life will be much better and happier for us but we have to get to that point!

The MNetters are wonderful. Such support and kindness from strangers!
Unlike the men we have been married to for years who are being so heartless and cruel! Take care of yourself. Bye for now xx

Hi Breadandwine.

I have been married to my husband for over 30 years!
It is so hard. I did not ask for any of this!

Thank you xx

Take care hush. sending you strength vibes. Xx

Thank you WTAFF xx

Evening Hush. I hope you are ok.
On Friday you asked me about Dad's Army. In answer to your question, it's a gentle story, too gentle. But they should never have touched it! Just made you realise even more how wonderful the original series was.
The kids are back at school tomorrow. They really don't want to go.
Good night xxx

Evening Pisco.
I think you have just confirmed what I already knew!
The series was wonderful!
I hope all goes well with the kids going back to school tomorrow.
I am sure they do not want to go!

Good night. Xx

Right, here I am, in on my broomstick, from a fabulously cold and wet Beirut. Im having a lovely time with my family, but the very loud thunder in the night did scare me a lot - all things considered!

We had nice day out yesterday and today we are going round the supermarkets to see what imported stuff they get here just because its always a source of interest when you live away from the Uk and you're local store only gets oxo cubes in once a year! I know its sounds daft and the waste of a days holiday but its actually quite good fun. And not just because I can tell my pals, if they ask, oh yeah, I did see them a couple of days ago - in Movenpix in Beirut!

Hello notonyurjellybellynelly. I am glad that you are having a lovely time with your family in Beirut.
I know what you mean about looking for imported stuff when you live away from the UK. We used to look for all kinds of things. Jacobs crackers and Schweppes Tonic to name a couple of things.
Happy Shopping!xx

Good morning Hush,
Hope it was a restful night?
Now, what was that wonderful phrase up there ^ 'Getting rid of the useless prick'... So, what's on your agenda for this week?
xx

Hush , pisco and tartan you are helping me through , however reading Louise post I think I am still stuck in the cycle of despair , 10th March is 1 year on , I am playing a massive part and act out my smile every day , I need me back and I know only I can do that but it's so hard , it's taking me enough energy to get my out of bed in the morning ,I dream about my ex every night ! Why???? when my absolute is nearly done , I am sick of feeling like this , I am bored with myself ! Thank you for being here ❤️

Good morning Louisa,

I had a better nights sleep thank you.
I have just got back from the dentist as I have been suffering with tooth ache all weekend. My dentist has put me on Penicillin.
Other people see my situation in a different way to me and can say these things!
My sister is coming for coffee later. I am going to meet a friend for coffee tomorrow afternoon. My son may be back later in the week.
I am going to try and do some more sorting in the bedrooms.
I have walked the dogs and thanks to the wet and muddy ground they are filthy!
Have a nice day xx