Re: Feeling so down after husband has left me for another woman after 30 years

[Hushabyemountain98]

I posted yesterday but was a bit too detailed.
I am feeling so down and tonight I found myself sobbing out load.
I am finding this so hard. Even though I have a supportive family and friends.

Thanks Pisco. I know it sounds daft but the programme was quite interesting.
It is raining outside and maybe that will send me off to sleep hopefully for more than a couple of hours. I am glad it is getting a bit better for you. It is really really tough! Especially when our dh just move on without a second thought for us.
Goodnight xx

Hang on in there Hush. Good night xxx

OK so here's what I'm wondering ... Your doc didn't think ADs would mix well with you other medication and she also spoke about what the first couple of weeks can feel like (all true) as a downside. It sounds to me as if she was not saying "gosh you really need these but you can't take them" and more "on balance I think you are better off without them." I think you should see how you feel about that over the next few days. You can always go back on an emergency appointment and say "I need more help than this - you are wrong, I can't manage." Do look up the counselling and do take a look at the mood gym! Good to hear you like computer games - I've got a terrible Candy Crush Soda Saga problem at the moment xxx

Im a bit confused by what the Dr said as its not always the case that medication can make a person worse, and I feel it was irresponsible of the Dr to suggest what he or she did. But I do understand the possible effect medications can have on each other, however, there's usually one to be found.

But what has left really nasty taste in my mouth is the suggestion that Husha gets a job. Coupled with what he or she said about the medication making people worse it sounds as if the Dr is from the dark ages when it comes to a persons mental health and emotional wellbeing.

All - oh pull yourself together, you don't need medication because it might make you feel worse, so what Im going to suggest is that you keep busy and get a job so you don't have too much time on your hands to indulge in thinking and feeling.

Apart from that does the Dr really think that after years of being a SAHM, and with the unemployment rates being what they are, that Husha is just going to be able to walk into a job anytime soon - even if she was able to right now.

Thank you Pisco xx

Good Morning Chicon. Thank you for your message. I will go back if I cannot manage. I will also look at the counselling and the mood gymn.
What is your Candy Crush Soda problem. Are you stuck or just hooked on this game? I play it too!
I hope you have a good day xx

Good morning notonyurjellybellynelly. I don't know what to think. I think she meant well. She was thinking that a job or maybe just looking for one would fill my time. As you say I have been a SAHM for over 20 years. I have no confidence and no self esteem left. I do not think it is very likely that I am going to be able find a job.
I hope you are feeling okay today? Xx

Good morning Hush. Did you get some sleep?
I agree totally with nelly, I think your doctors comments about finding a job are dismissive. It's not easy to just walk into a job especially after being a SAHM for a long time. BUT if to find a job in the future is what you want/need to do then it will happen. You are not on the scrap heap. Really you are not. But to imply that by finding a job you will just stop dwelling on things and your problems will just disappear makes me really cross. At present Hush you need to fix yourself. And this will take as long as it takes.
Are there other doctors in the surgery you could speak to? I completely understand that combinations of different medications can be dangerous, I get that, but if you think AD's will help you might need to do some digging around yourself. Do you see a consultant at the hospital for your heart? If so is it worth contacting them to enquire about available medications? Or speaking to a pharmacist that you trust. I know this may all feel that you are going behind the doctors back but sometimes they are a little jaded/seen it all before and you on the other hand are really hurting. Your enquiries may just confirm what she has said but it's worth a shot?
Also, I'm wondering do you have private health insurance? Sometimes included in the policy is treatment available with counsellors and therapists. They will pay for an agreed amount of money or sessions.

Good Morning Pisco. I did get some sleep thank you.
Unfortunately I do not have private health insurance. But I will see what I can find out about medication I could take.
I think I will see the Dr I saw before Christmas when the time comes.
If I need to find a counsellor and I have to pay then I will as I did not cause this!
Thank you for all your support.
Have a good day xx

Just take it easy, as much as you can. The shock will subside and the fog will lift and you can then see what is available and open to you and start to make plans.
We have sunshine here. It's good to see. Take care xxx

Good morning Hush.
That's some good advice from Pisco. Are you able to take things like Kalms? I use a propriety sleep aid from a chain of chemists. They really work! I'll pm you the details. I only take them very occasionally after a period of not sleeping so that I get a solid 6 / 7 hours of sleep occasionally and I feel so much better.
And - without meaning to pressurise (you can feel free to ignore all suggestions - you know when you're ready to do this) but might you feel able to get into a bed to sleep? I know upthread there were discussions about reclaiming your bedroom for yourself with a clear out, new sheets and a bunch of daffs?? Just a thought. It's all small steps and is still such early days. xx

Thanks Pisco. We have sunshine here too. Take care xx

Good morning louisa.
Yes Pisco is very good.
I do not know if I can take Kalms. I would have to ask the pharmacist.
It would be good if you pm me about the sleep aid.
I am going to try and sleep in a bed either mine or my eldest sons.
I do take notice of all the suggestions on here. You and all my other MN friends have been so kind and helpful and I would be lost without you all.
Have a good day xx

And you Hush. The sun is just coming out here so it's off for a walk shortly. Have messaged you with the details. xx

Yes. Please Hush, get into a proper bed. Anyone's bed! Sleeping on the sofa is bad for your body and bad for your morale. Let's start at the bottom and work our way up. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm hectoring you, but the thought of you sleeping on the sofa makes me feel bad! You're a great woman that's been loyal to her family for all these years. You do not deserve to sleep on the sofa. I'll finish now :)

Thanks louisa,

I have been out with my dogs. Had to wash their feet before they could come in the house. So muddy again!

Take Care x

Thanks Pisco.
I will try going to bed tonight. I do not want you to feel bad.
Thanks for all your kindness.
Have a good day x

Evening Hush,
Hope you're OK this evening?
xx

Hi Hush

Been thinking about you. Hope you're wallowing in a good bit of TV drama or some such.

Have a good night's sleep - in a bed hopefully!

See you tomorrow!

Hi Louisa,

I am sort of Okay.
I am watching Jericho.
I hope you are okay?
Xx

I am watching that too HUSH It's quite a different programme, isn't it ? It's a bit of Yorkshire that I didn't know about .

Hi Breadandwine,
Thank you for your kind message.
I am watching Jericho at the moment.
Xx

Glad you are watching it too Eamonn. It is totally different and it is a bit of Yorkshire I did not know about either xx

Evening all. I was watching Would I Lie To You? on Dave. It's quite funny. Except my kids were kicking each other all the way through. Grrrr!

Evening Pisco. Glad you enjoyed Would I lie to you apart from your kids doing a bit of kick boxing! Are they back at school on Monday?xx