Re: Feeling so down after husband has left me for another woman after 30 years

[Hushabyemountain98]

I posted yesterday but was a bit too detailed.
I am feeling so down and tonight I found myself sobbing out load.
I am finding this so hard. Even though I have a supportive family and friends.

I know, it's almost impossible to stop those chattering monkeys in your head! It's relentless. After a year I'm only just able to concentrate on more than a couple of sentences in a book or newspaper. I honestly thought I'd never be able to read anything again. Listening to music was too much as well. Three decades of listening and enjoying the same music was out - too many memories. So I'm left with the 70's and early 80's! What I did find that helps distract me is listening to podcasts, especially the comedy ones. It's another adult voice, and they're usually talking about something clever or funny. Lectures late at night to help me drift off (shouldn't really admit to that!) and you can get loads of old Desert Island Discs broadcasts too.
There's a podcast called 'Serial' that is raved about too, I would like to start listening to that soon.

Thanks Pisco. I have this book called 'Runaway Husbands' and another called 'getting past your breakup'. They were recommended by MN posters but I cannot concentrate on them. I read the same sentence over again but it doesn't sink in!
Maybe I will give some of the things you have suggested ago.

Have a nice evening xx

I have 'Runaway Husbands' too and I must admit I have only skim read it a few times due to lack of concentration. I sort of hope that each time I skim it I read a different sentence and eventually I would have read the entire book, although in a very jumbled order. I did like the section about how the different abandoned wives fantasised about getting their revenge. The one with the coffin brought tears of laughter to me and still makes me chuckle now.

Hi Pisco,
I am glad it is not only me then. I think it is a good book but just need to get my concentration back.
My dogs are driving me mad they are so unsettled!
Xxx

Oh no, it's not just you. I had to put lots on things on hold just so I could concentrate on the children and myself, to be honest that's all I could concentrate on. But slowly, slowly I'm getting my mojo back! And you will too. You're in trauma Hush, there's no doubt about it.

Hello Hush,
It,s a hard time for you.I am glad to see you are still posting.Have you thought of speaking to your doctor regarding anti depressants?I finally realised that I needed some help.Spoke to my doctor who does not give these things out willy nilly,he agreed.Have been taking them for the past 3 weeks and can say they are helping.Taking the edge off,clearer thinking,coping better.And I am one of these people who will not even take an asprin.I have even made app to have my hair done,(because Im worth it)lol.My wish for you,me and all of us who hurt,is that every day we get stronger.Because we are bloody well worth it.

Hi there Hush I had a lovely journey to london in the sun this morning, and then a really busy day. Trying to cut back on the cake this week! I see that earlier you were saying it's hard to read. I love listening to the radio and also to audiobooks from Audible which I listen to on the iPad. there's some fantastic ones. Hope your day's been Okay - is your DS back tomorrow? I thought Breadandwine's post about being a teacher was amazing!

Thanks again Pisco. I am glad you are starting to get your mojo back.
I hope I will get mine back too eventually.
I have just been upstairs to clean my teeth and a feeling of panic came over me. Life is so unreal at the moment and I just cannot see how I am going to deal with what I will have to face like selling this house and moving etc and the actual divorce.
Goodnight xx

Hello Timetosay58. I am seeing my GP this week so I will see what she says.
I am glad that the anti depressants have helped you to cope better.
I hope you enjoy having your hair done. Yes you are worth it. I hope that we all get stronger and stop feeling like this.
I am feeling really low at the moment. I know that the MN posters will say that you should not think ahead. Just deal with a few hours at a time. The future is far too scary!
Goodnight xx

Hi Chiconbeige.
I am glad that you had a lovely journey to London in the sun this morning. I hope you manage to cut back on the cake this week.
Thank you for the idea of audiobooks.
My DS came back tonight.
My day was not too bad. I had a few things to deal with that I could have done without!
It is in the last hour that I have started to have negative thoughts and started to feel panicky. Life is so unreal and strange at the moment and I cannot see how I am going to face and get through the upheaval I have to come.
Have a good week xx

I know exactly what you mean about life becoming unreal. All these things you will have to do and these changes that have been forced onto you. You didn't want any of this stuff. It's just utter rubbish. And I know that we shouldn't become attached to material things but I love my house and I like the stuff in it. In fact I liked the whole package - husband, house, children. I was in most respects quite content. I look around it all and to think that it will have to be split up is really quite depressing.
It's easy to say don't panic, but to worry and panic is quite a natural reaction. But Hush, you have the law on your side, and by the sounds of it you have been through a lot already. Maybe this bit might be the closing chapters of your old life in readiness for something better for you. I really do hope so.
Good night. Xxx

Thanks Pisco. You are right. This is not our fault but we have to lose so much and all the trauma that goes with it.
This is also affecting a certain aspect of my health. But a certain person does not care and is still doing just what he wants without any though for me or our DS's.
Goodnight xxx

Husha, have you been to the Dr's yet. xxxxx

Ah sorry, just read back and saw you mentioned seeing your GP this week. xx

Good Morning notonyurjellybellynelly.
I am seeing my GP tomorrow.
I hope you are Okay? Xx

Im glad you're seeing the Dr. tomorrow.

As for me? Im fine. We've had a few very hard days with my son. He's really unwell just now and no matter how hard it is for us, its always harder on him, but to be honest Im struggling with it right now. My heart is in fact a bit broken. I never for a minute thought that when he was older he would deteriorate mentally the way he has done and its heartbreaking. I cant get him on his holidays anymore and that is a killer because he still wants to go. Cant even get him our for an ice-cream. Then there is the day to day stuff and Ive had to put a stop on grandchildren coming for the time being as he cant cope. Its very hard. Meanwhile me and the carers are battling hour by hour to keep him emotionally and mentally stable. I constantly have a lump in my chest just thinking of the poor quality of life he now has despite all our efforts. But thats said, Im going to Beirut to my cousin in a few days for a wee bit of cold weather and the chance to restore my nerves which are absolutely stretched to the limit due to some hi-jinks last week. Im not running away from him, honestly, I just need a bit of time out given how intense it is right now. My eldest son will move in with his brother and the carers and the other children will come and see him every day - not that he even looks at them now he's so locked into his condition for the time being. But at least I know he has his family around him even though Im not there.

Why do I feel so bloody guilty for going?

Hi notonyurjellybellynelly.
I am sorry that you have had a few very hard days with your son. I am sorry to hear that he has been so unwell and that you are struggling and that your heart is a bit broken.
Sorry that it is affecting him,you and your family so much. I hope that you find a way to cope.
I hope you have a good break with your cousin in Beirut and that you get to recharge your batteries. I did not think for one minute that you were running away from him.It is so good that your family are doing all they can for him.
Try not to feel guilty as you shouldn't.

Take Care.
Big hugs xxx

Hello Hush,
How has your day gone? Lovely dog walking here - crisp and frosty under foot this morning with bright sunshine. No mud for a change as it was frozen hard. Hope that you're feeling OK? xx

Hello louisa,

I have been quite busy today. Took the dogs out for a walk. It was cold and sunny here but still plenty of mud!
I hope your puppy is doing well?
Had a hospital appointment.
Walked around the supermarket with tears running down my face!
The last time I went there was with my dh. It still hurts so.
Sorry for playing the same old broken record!

I hope you had a good day?xx

Hush if you find the supermarket visits too distressing, just order on line, and a cheerful young chap will deliver to your door! No need to be reminded of your obnoxious STBEX.

With the added advantage of discovering all sorts of delights, try Ocado!! You might get Jesus in the Cabbage Van!!

Hi Allalonenow,

It is just this particular supermarket.
I do not go there that often.
Waitrose is my normal shopping choice.

I have been clearing out e mails tonight and I have been reading the clever way that the e mails from my STBEX are laid out so it makes me look bad!
Take care x

Hang onto that anger! When you see the doctor tomorrow please make sure to tell her/him how you've been feeling - just be really truthful - if the doctor offers you medication and you have doubts about it, just explain what your concerns are. At the end of the day, it would be entirely your decision whether to take it or not. While we are on the subject have you taken a look at "the mood gym" I read about it on Mnet and I think it's great.

Why do I feel so bloody guilty for going?

Because you're his mum, nelly! Goes with the territory.

But you should absolutely not feel guilty about it! You will return refreshed and be a lot more use to your son than if you didn't go. You're leaving him in safe hands and you're absolutely doing the right thing.

BTW, I'd better come clean, I'm a bloke - I joined Mumsnet about 6 years ago to ask for advice about my GCs.

And I have to say I'm in awe of the wonderful, strong women I've found on here - and, reading your story on here, I'd put you, nelly, right up there!

Sorry for hijacking your thread, Hush - somehow I don't think you'll mind.

Nice of you to share your focaccia - I tell my students that sharing your home made bread is one of the nicest things you can do with it.

Don't worry about the broken record - that's what this thread is for!

Hi Chiconbeige, thanks for your message.
I will tell the doctor how I have been feeling. If she offers me something I will take it. Anything to stop feeling like this.
I will take a look at 'the mood gym'.
I hope that you are okay in London?
Take care x

Hello again Breadandwine,
Do not worry about hijacking my thread. I do not mind at all.

I really like sharing my bread.

Thank you for your understanding x