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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Re: Feeling so down after husband has left me for another woman after 30 years

978 replies

Hushabyemountain98 · 17/01/2016 22:18

I posted yesterday but was a bit too detailed.
I am feeling so down and tonight I found myself sobbing out load.
I am finding this so hard. Even though I have a supportive family and friends.

OP posts:
notonyurjellybellynelly · 06/02/2016 17:11

I am not going to do anything silly and i will get along to the doctor as soon as I can

I didnt think you were Smile but sometimes its really nice as a grown up to say to someone around you - can you look after me for a wee while pls.

How can he lie like this

Sometimes there's no answer and over time you will understand and accept this. It will in fact be a comfort to you. xxxx

Allalonenow · 06/02/2016 17:18

Oh yes, Hush I remember not being able to eat, I even collapsed when out one day and a Good Samaritan looked after me, called an ambulance as he found me unconscious in the street.

So do try to eat, even if only snacks, fruit, milk, etc etc.

I think judges are used to seeing through fabricated stories, so don't worry on that score. Your solicitor will have an answer to his lies.

When he is trying to bully you into agreeing to his demands, remind yourself of these lies that he has created about you, and tell yourself how weak he must be to have to depend on lies in order to beat you.
Let that give you the courage that you need.

On a lighter note, I'm following Dickensian on iPlayer, and finding it very good.

All Wine

Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 06/02/2016 17:36

Thank you notonyurjellybellynelly.
The trouble is I have to stay here for my dogs.
I hope that one day I will be able to understand and accept it xx

OP posts:
notonyurjellybellynelly · 06/02/2016 17:45

Husha, could you kennel them for a few weeks? I know that walking them gives you something to do in a day but Im wondering if being kenneling them for a couple of weeks and going to your sisters would be the better thing for you right now?

Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 06/02/2016 17:50

Thank you Allalonenow.
I am sorry that you collapsed when you were out through not eating. Thank goodness for the Good Samaritan. I have had a small snack and some fruit.
Thank you I am sure that judges are used to seeing through fabricated stories. I think I am going to need lots of courage.

I will give Dickensian a go. One of my favourites comes back next week and that is Happy Valley. xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 06/02/2016 17:52

Thank you notonyurjellybellynelly.
I cannot kennel them. The oldest one would not come out again.
I am going to try to get out more xx

OP posts:
Allalonenow · 06/02/2016 18:20

Oh yes! that was a nailbiting story last time.
I thought James Norton was excellent, and he's fab too in War & Peace just now.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 06/02/2016 18:39

I was hoping Happy Valley was due to start again soon when I noticed the catch up spiel advertised on Iplayer.

Im looking forward to it.

Is anyone watching Shetland?

Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 06/02/2016 19:09

Thanks Allalonenow.
I thought James Norton was excellent in Happy Valley too.
I have not watched War and Peace yet but I have it on the hard drive.
Another programme that looks good is The Night Manager which starts on the 21st February.
xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 06/02/2016 19:13

I am glad that you like Happy Valley notonyurjellybellynelly.
I have not seen Shetland this time. Will have to try and catch up.
I also think that The Night Manager looks asthough it is going to be good. Starts on the 21st February xx

OP posts:
Chiconbelge · 06/02/2016 19:55

Hello Hush, I've been thinking of you. I've been working all day today and I've not even poked my nose out of doors. even if you don't eat dinner, try to have a bit of something. Xx

louisatwo · 06/02/2016 20:39

Hello Hush,
Sorry to hear that you've been so rocked by his lies. Reading this board has been a real eye opener about how many men tell the most terrible lies about their finances, exes etc. I understand that you don't want to share this here but maybe there is some evidence that you can access that will disprove his stories? I know you have seen a solicitor but am wondering whether it worth doing some digging / research to back up your rights? A lot of women in your position make sure that they have copies of all relevant documents / bank statements / mortgage docs etc? It seems to be part of the process of taking control - not constantly having to react to his agenda but making sure that you have some control.
Just a thought, not meaning to pressurise.

Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 06/02/2016 22:19

Hello Chiconbeige.
Thank you for your kind message.
What a horrid day it has been. I took the dogs out but that was it.
I had a flatbread to eat tonight.
Take care xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 06/02/2016 22:31

Hello louisa,
Thank you for your message.
It is not so much financial but other things that are untrue.
I am so tired again and I know he is going to continue to make it hard for me.
Take care xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 07/02/2016 11:17

I spoke too soon about it not being financial.
He has also cancelled direct debits for Utilities etc on this house.
He has redirected his pay etc and has come up with a figure to transfer over each month. Can he do this?
I feel asthough I am drowning xx

OP posts:
bb888 · 07/02/2016 11:26

Nice of him to do it on the weekend so that you don't have access to your legal advice till Monday...

Kirk123 · 07/02/2016 12:08

That is unbelievable hush , I never sweat but he is a bastard, that's cruel , get some fire in your belly , get angry he is not kind and like many say on here , not the man you once knew 😡😡

Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 07/02/2016 12:16

Thank you bb888.
He knows that it will really worry me. Plus I am still reeling from last weeks bombshell! xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 07/02/2016 12:20

Thank you Kirk123.
It is cruel and he knows how it will affect me.
Especially when I am still trying to take in lasts weeks revelations! xx

OP posts:
bb888 · 07/02/2016 13:21

He is obviously just trying everything he can. Which is probably a sign that he thinks you are winning.

Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 07/02/2016 13:57

Thank you bb888. I hope you are right xx

OP posts:
Chiconbelge · 07/02/2016 17:34

Hi Hush. I hope you can see your solicitor very soon. So sorry you are being put through the wringer like this. The law is the law, not whatever he wants it to be. You are a mother, a sister and a friend to people who care about you and a set of mnetters who are here to cheer you on. Make sure you eat this evening! Do you like honey? Or peanut butter ... Just trying to think of something you could put on your flatbread! I like a slice of cheddar and cherry tomatoes xxx

Original poster
Hushabyemountain98 · 07/02/2016 18:00

Hi Chiconbeige,

Thank you so much for your kind message.
I hope you are right.
Yes I do like honey and peanut butter.
I do not have anymore flatbread.
I will find something to eat though.
Not much fun cooking something for only yourself.
It is awful weather outside, absolutely pouring.
Thanks again xx
,

OP posts:
louisatwo · 07/02/2016 18:29

Good evening Hush.
Is there any chance of you seeing your solicitor tomorrow? I do think you need some clear legal advice about what your position is and some concrete responses to him. If not perhaps CAB? He is obviously not going to make life easy for you and I think you need some back up so that you are clear about what he can and can't do? I can't help with this but perhaps others who have been through the financial side of it may be able to advise better?
I hope you found the peanut butter and honey!! xx

Breadandwine · 07/02/2016 18:57

Hi Hush

If you have a George Forman grill, or similar, you could have flatbread in 8 minutes - or, if you only have a frying pan it'll take you about 13 minutes! Smile

About cooking for yourself - I'm vegan my wife isn't, so I cook a lot for myself. You need to look after yourself - pamper yourself, indeed - and doing your own cooking is one way to do it. The freezer is your best friend, here.

Best wishes to you! Flowers