Re: Feeling so down after husband has left me for another woman after 30 years

[Hushabyemountain98]

I posted yesterday but was a bit too detailed.
I am feeling so down and tonight I found myself sobbing out load.
I am finding this so hard. Even though I have a supportive family and friends.

Thank you FreckledLeopard for your supportive message.
I am sorry that you have been through a terrible time too.
I hope that life will get easier for you soon.
I have a doctors appointment the week after next but I will ring up next week to see if I can get one quicker as I really need something. I am glad that the anti depressants and sleeping pills are helping you to function.
I am going to ask about counselling too.

I am going to try and go out more instead of sitting here dwelling on things. The trouble is I am finding going out difficult too.

Thank you for the book recommendations. I have just purchased two books that were recommended by other MN posters.

I am so glad that you have the support of your friends and family and that people have been so kind to you. You deserve it.
I am sure that you have had a lot of support on this site as I have.
I hope that you will recover and have a great new life.
Thanks again. Take Care xx

Freckled leopard , we feel it together , Thankyou for your post to hush , I am 10 months on and all of your post is what I have done , I have had to reduce my hours at work to 50% , work have been fab , I am a nurse and could not even think straight, that made me angry that he has jeopardised my work too xxx chin up lovely ladies

Thank you Kirk123.
I am sorry that you had to reduce your hours as a nurse. I can understand how it must have affected your ability to think straight. Keep your chin up too.
Take Care xx

Hello there Hush, sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time today. It all hurts like hell I know, and such a huge range of emotions hitting you from every direction, I'm sure you must feel mentally battered.

Well done on getting some books to help you, I read one that said I could cry as frequently and eat as much chocolate as I wanted, so i followwed that advice!

Sometimes the weekend can be especially horrid to get through, so take care.

Thank you Allalonenow for your message.
I do feel mentally battered and my head and heart hurts too.
That sounds like a good book!
I do not like the weekend. I will have to try and get out.
Thank you and take care xx

Hush, have pm'd you.

Thank you Angleshades x

Good evening Hush,
Sorry to hear that today hasn't been good and that he has been a twat! One thing I learnt was to get angry (and to swear) I called my ex all the names under the sun. Not to his face - I was (sadly) very well behaved. But his name in my phone became 'Fuckwit' and I eventually let myself get angry. It took months and months. Initially I just accepted all the rubbish and twattery that came my way and spent ages accommodating him and I think hoping that he'd change his mind. Eventually bit by bit I stopped being a doormat and finally got in touch with my anger at his appalling behaviour. It took me so long but for me, that was the moment that I started to 'heal'. Until then, I was treading water.
Sending you all good wishes. xxx

Good evening louisa,
Thank you for your kind message. You made me laugh with the name of your ex on your phone.
I know that I am going to have to get angry to get through this otherwise I will be finished.
At the moment I am still at the crying stage.
Thank you for your support xx

Hello, hush, I'm another one following your story and going through the same sort of thing, though after 17 years married.

I am having a very wobbly morning and just wanted to say I understand how horrible it is.

I have dcs so have a busy day ahead, but think this is the worst one yet as they just want their dad home.

Hope you find something good to do today, and that the weather is better with you than here. Least a dog walk in the wild weather will clear the head!

💐

What louisatwosays is very true. You will eventually get angry - at the moment you are just shell shocked. Unfortunately many people like the contact with their husband no matter how awful it is because it IS contact. Somewhere inside I think that we think that they will change their mind and say it has all been a mistake. It rarely happens I would imagine. When I tried to talk to my husband after a few weeks he said that he had gone too far down the path now ( there was no woman involved) and he falsely gave me hope initially that there was a possibility of reconciliation with counselling. He was just lying. You will get there and you will survive. It just takes a long time so be prepared . No contact definitely helps !

Thank you OldestStory for your message.
I am sorry that you are going through this too and that you are having a wobbly morning.
It is so difficult when you have younger children.
I have been there when my children were young.
I have walked the dogs in the wind so have had the cobwebs blown away.I hope your weekend gets better xx

Thank you IamtheRealMrsEamonnHolmes2 for your message.
Thank you for your wise words. I do not know what I would have done without people like you on MN.
I just hope I can survive and that the truth will out xx

Good afternoon everyone.
The big dark cloud is back again. I cannot get over what my dh has told his solicitor. He knows how upset this will make me. xx

Sorry you're feeling so low....

Would it help to tell us what he's done? A problem shared and all that...

Hello Hush, the weekend can seem endless sometimes, I try to break it up with a movie or series to watch, a good book to read, and a treat for dinner to look forward to.

I'm guessing that whatever he told the solicitor was what upset you so much the other night. You will have more shocks like this I'm afraid, the man you loved and trusted has vanished in the blink of an eye, and been replaced with a selfish lying bastard.
No wonder you are hurting so much.

Husha,

have you told your sister the reason why you're even more upset now?

Could you spend some time with her over the weekend?

Im so sorry about this latest turn of events. Im also quite worried about you. xxxxx

Hello JonesTheSteam.
I do not want to say too much more than I already have.
He is accusing me of things that are untrue.

Thank you xx

Hello again Allalonenow. You are right the weekends seem endless sometimes. I am trying to read 'Runaway Husbands' at the moment.
I haven't looked to see what is on tv tonight yet. I do not really do dinner at the moment!
Yes you are right I cannot get over this latest blow. I am afraid that a judge will believe him. I am really hurting and I am so worried and frightened.
I hope you are having a reasonable weekend? xx

Thank you again notonyurjellybellynelly.
Yes I have told my sister and I am always welcome to go there.
Thank you for all your support.
I have to be alright. He cannot destroy me xx

Husha, can you go move in with your sister till you've been to the Dr's and you know where you're going from here health wise? Just say to her you need a bit of looking after right now.

And its understandable that you will not let your husband destroy you but the sad fact is that sometimes they nearly do destroy us before we are able to stand up from the brink. Does that make sense. You see, I feel its very important right now that you are told its ok to be feeling this bad, that its not wrong, that you shouldn't be ashamed, that it is what it is, and for the time being its just one big barrowful of heartbreak and grimness and fecking awfulness. Yes, by doing the smallest of things in a day you'll eventually build a good day for yourself but right now its hard to make your mind go in one direction when your heart and your mind combined are pulling you in another.

Does the make sense?

xxxx

I am afraid that a judge will believe him

This is where MrsC would be of great help to you and Im hoping she'll make contact with you after I IM'd her on Thursday.

Her Ex tried to pull the wool over a judges eyes in the most awful of ways but the judge did in actual fact see right through him and kicked him into touch.

But you know what? I think it might be a good idea to ask your solicitor what these allegations would do to your case and the eventual outcome etc?

The sad reality (for now its sad) is that you are going to get divorced, but Im not sure that what he's said would make a difference to the finances etc. Yes of course you don't want him to have said those things, but apart from your pride and the pain of whats beens said - could you please, in order to try and help you with your fear, ask your solicitor what it means in the grand scheme of things.

Anything right now to help you with your anxiety levels

xxxxx

Its really unlikely that any allegations would make any difference to the financial basis of the divorce, and depending on the nature of what he is alleging, he may be asked why he never mentioned it until now.

Hi notonyurjellybellynelly.
I cannot go and stay there for various reasons.
I am not going to do anything silly and i will get along to the doctor as soon as I can.
I just have to get past this set back.
How can he lie like this.
When I saw him last he knew he was going to do this.
I am going to speak to my solicitor early next week.
I hope that MrsC will contact me. Thank you for contacting her for me.
Thank you xx

Thank you bb888.
I hope you are right. Apart from the financial stuff this is so untrue and I am finding it so difficult to bear.
xx