DH being selfish, how to change this?

[LittleLegs25]

Hi all, I don't know if I'm positing this In the right forum, sorry if I'm not!

Basically my DH is selfish in bed and I don't know how to change things. I feel like the sole focus of sex is to "get him there" with no consideration to "get me there" sometimes I do before him and that's fine but if I don't then we just stop and he makes no attempt to do anything more. (Trying not to be too descriptive with my words lol)

I feel like this is really really unfair, if I'm the one to initiate sex and then I'm left feeling disappointed it just makes me feel like why did I even do that? What was the actual point of it?

He's made an effort in the past don't get me wrong it's not every time but I'd say it's like 99% of the times I don't "get there" through sex he will just be ok with this....and I just feel like screaming.... WHAT ABOUT ME?!?

He also doesn't do forplay he just dives right in, Ive tried to talk about it so many times but it ends up where I feel bad for bringing it up and selfish.

We have a great relationship and im happy in other aspects it's just the sex thing that's getting to me now.

What would you guys do?

[lorelei9]

Okay...doesn't make sense in context of the rest of it.
Also didn't realise previous generations rated women's orgasms as being that important.

[DontMindMe1]

three organs

now THAT'S kinky goingtobeawesome

[Goingtobeawesome]

Oops . Bloody iPad keyboard.

[ageofgrandillusion1]

OP if I were you I would tell him you plan to take on another lover who can fulfil your sexual needs. Serious.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

What? The Sex Talk from my dad?

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Make sure you come first every time. Ladies first is normal. Tell him this is what you need. His orgasm depends on yours from now on. If he is in the habit of being lazy then you will have to be rude, demand more specific acts in the moment and occasionally stop proceedings if he looks like he will come first. Do you have the nerve for that?

[LittleLegs25]

Yes I do have the nerve for it and that's my plan from now on. Thank you everyone for you advice, you have all confirmed exactly what I was thinking.... He's selfish in bed and needs to change!!

[AnyFucker]

Yes I do have the nerve for it

And I believe you have. Yeeees. Come back and tells us how it comes goes, won't you ?

[LittleLegs25]

I definitely will!! Watch this space!

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

You need to TAKE your orgasms from him, not wait for him to give them to you, the selfish fucker. Literally

Good luck OP, here is to an orgasm filled future!

[KP86]

So curious - is there an update?

[LittleLegs25]

UPDATE: so he tried it on the other night and started doing things to me but stopped after only like 20 seconds.... So grabbed his hand and put it back where it was and said "I'm not done yet" so he carried on until I was... was the same last night but I didn't have to tell him to carry on because he didn't stop until I'd finished. Think he's learned now, thank the Lord! Thanks everyone for your advice :)

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Nice one!

[HandyWoman]

Hmmmm. Let's hope he doesn't believe you only need one week of decent sex every ten years though. Don't let him get lazy again!