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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just walked out

233 replies

expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 19:44

We had another row. He left around 6.

Came back in briefly. Wouldn't take his jacket off when DD1 asked him to.

Said he'd 'Had enough of your (mine) shit' and walked back out.

Last week we had a row that went awry pretty badly.

I put some clothes out for him.

I'm sick his temper.

Of course, all the arguments are my fault. I don't listen. I talk over him. Etc. Etc.

Luckily tomorrow's my last day at work before the holidays so I'll be able to sort out childcare for hte new year.

But that's me single mum of 2 for now.

He wouldn't even talk to DD1. Of course, I'm sure that's my fault, too.

OP posts:
TurkeyTrotter · 19/12/2006 14:38

Expat - sorry you are having a rough time.
I think you should retrain as a counsellor. I really admire your attitude kind of 'que sera sera' meets take things as they come.
I hope things look brighter today.

Original poster
expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 14:41

Thanks, all!

DD1's nursery party is tomorrow, so that'll be a good day. She is all excited about wearing her 'ballerina dress' as she calls her Xmas dress for some reason.

So tonight I have to get the teachers' presents together and do some baking for them and the neighbours.

OP posts:
Original poster
expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 14:42

And get an outfit together for very precocious DD2, who will probably be a wee monster at the party b/c she'll want to see and touch everything.

OP posts:
santasaltire · 19/12/2006 14:46

My offer still stands expat, just let me know if/when you want to take me up on it. It can be after NY if you like.

Original poster
expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 14:47

Are you CAT'able, salty?

I'll have to bring along a small child or a baby.

The baby stands up but doesn't walk yet and she refuses to crawl. She also shrieks for Scotland when she's bored and no one is paying attention to her.

OP posts:
santasaltire · 19/12/2006 14:49

I'm a childminder, my house is chaos and mayhem from 7am till 6, five days a week. I think i can accept CAT's!

Original poster
expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 14:51

Small child would like that. As small child can talk and play for Scotland.

I will CAT you then!

Thanks.

OP posts:
santasaltire · 19/12/2006 14:53

Ok, am off to school, and won't be on again till later tonight - if i can get near it for DH that is

FiveGoldenFIMBOIDs · 19/12/2006 14:56

I never expected a thread like this from you Expat.

Could you move house sooner?

Take Care

Original poster
expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 15:01

If we could move sooner we would, Fimbo.

But it's not looking likely soon so we'll just have to muddle through like everyone else.

Not the end of the world.

Just got to muck in and dodge along.

OP posts:
purplemonkeydasheranddancer · 19/12/2006 15:12

Expat - sorry things are so shit right now, just wanted to add my support for you as well.
I'm a short train ride away in Falkirk if you need anything.
you can email me on purplemonkey22 at hotmail.co.uk

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/12/2006 18:11

Glad things are better today Expat.

Tax Credits have pushed us to pretty much near our limits too. Had a "demand" for the o/s of their fuck up overpayment last month for £627 pounds by 12th December because, why? They havent received our renewal forms for this year.....

Cappuccino · 19/12/2006 18:12

expat something struck me this afternoon about the leappad conversation

if I'm wrong or if it's irrelevant and so not about the leappad anymore then I'll shut up and trundle off again

I know you've mentioned before about your dh having learning difficulties (tho I don't know what kind)

my dd has cerebral palsy, she is physically disabled and has no learning difficulties - doing fine at mainstream school, in the middle of the class, etc

but sometimes I need more confirmation than that even though it's ridiculous. I watch her get toy after toy out and not really play with them, just fanny around, and I worry (unnecessarily and neurotically) about her ability to sustain thought processes and wonder if this is 'normal' even though my friends tell me it is. I compare her to other very task-orientated children who sit down doggedly and play with one thing 'properly'

could it be that your dh deep down is worried that she will have a learning difficulty and that it might be inherited from him? As I said I know nothing about your dh but I do very much understand anxiously - and angrily - wanting your child to play with something in a certain way out of a real, primitive fear that won't go away on darker days. I get annoyed with her and impatient and raise my voice too sometimes when I'm tired and more prone to worry; and you say that are both often exhausted. I wondered if this was some explanation for his behaviour?

but then what do I know, I'm no psychologist. I market arts events.

whatwouldjesusdo · 19/12/2006 19:01

The life that you described, expat, with both of you working is incredibly difficult especially when you aren't making millions. Give yourself lots of credit (er, not tax ones. I got stung by those bastards too) for getting this far.
You once said that you had considered leaving the UK, are you still thinking along those lines?

uwila · 20/12/2006 14:30

How are you, Expat?

meowmix · 20/12/2006 14:38

Hey expat sorry to hear things are tough. You do a too good job of putting on a positive face young lady.

From what I've seen of you, you'll work it through for the best, whatever that is, because you're strong and brave and bright and your kids will see a mother who is capable and intelligent and never ever think you're a f-up.

choosyfloosy · 20/12/2006 14:57

just another message - thinking of you, if there is a way to think of someone you've never met and all that.
i hope between you you can find a way through, whatever that way is - anti-ds and the telly being an excellent starting point.

suedonim · 20/12/2006 15:10

This is the first time I've seen this thread, Expat. I'm so sorry for the trouble you're going through and hope that you can work it out, one way or another. But don't worry too much about your dd's - with a mum like you, they'll be fine, I'm sure!

KTreePee · 20/12/2006 15:33

Thinking of you today too and hoping things work out....

overdraft · 20/12/2006 15:33

Hi Expat I have only just seen this too. What a shitty time of year for this to happen. Love too you ,as you said less mess and you can do what you want.Stay strong x

caroline3 · 20/12/2006 15:44

Just seen the thread as well. Really sorry about the problems you and dh are having and I very much hope you manage to find a way through.

If you don't, life as a single mum does have its good sides but I am keeping my fingers crossed that it does not come to this. Chin up and try to keep smiling - what else can we do?

HappyDaddy · 20/12/2006 16:21

Jesus expat, I'm sorry to read this. Just seen original post. You always seem so sorted in your posts so I'm a little shocked.

I hope you are able to make the best of the immediate situation. Take care and best wishes.

Original poster
expatinscotland · 20/12/2006 23:21

We just got back from a wee 'date'. We rode the ferris wheel in Prince's Street.

It was nice.

We both remembered how much fun we used to have.

We decided we really do need to work towards moving on, although it is hard for both of us. We can't stay in Edinburgh. I'm not so bothered, but for him it's a big deal.

A pal of his, however, was good for reassuring him. He's made the move up to where we want to be, w/his wife and young son. He spent a lot of time talking to DH after he got off shift yesterday, reassuring him that it's only about 80 miles away, and that this is a community, not just a place to live, that the people are very accepting of other Scots who have moved up.

Still such a long road.

For now, we must make the best of it all, day by day, b/c that is what life is about.

We should enjoy every day.

OP posts:
Pruni · 20/12/2006 23:24

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/12/2006 23:25

Sounds like good progress expat

I am glad you have had a nice evening. It helps to have time out from the norm occasionally.

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