Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just walked out

233 replies

expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 19:44

We had another row. He left around 6.

Came back in briefly. Wouldn't take his jacket off when DD1 asked him to.

Said he'd 'Had enough of your (mine) shit' and walked back out.

Last week we had a row that went awry pretty badly.

I put some clothes out for him.

I'm sick his temper.

Of course, all the arguments are my fault. I don't listen. I talk over him. Etc. Etc.

Luckily tomorrow's my last day at work before the holidays so I'll be able to sort out childcare for hte new year.

But that's me single mum of 2 for now.

He wouldn't even talk to DD1. Of course, I'm sure that's my fault, too.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 18/12/2006 20:17

Be kind to yourself. it's not your fault things have worked out like this. you're doing the best you can for your kids that all that can be asked of you. From what i've seen they have a great, strong, independent role model in you.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Do whatever you need to do to get through this.

Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:18

If he comes back he comes back.

But he needs to chill or I'm asking him to leave cuz I'm not doing the screamy thing anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:18

Just watching Easties.

Honey's such a bitch.

I'd have told her to take a long walk on a short pier and stay the hell away from my daughter.

OP posts:
onzephyrstdayofchristmas · 18/12/2006 20:19

Expat I really didn't expect this to be you!

You haven't fucked up their lives Don't put that on yourself. From all the posts and advice I've seen from you, you sound like one cool Mother!!

I guess it feels a million times worse while you are in the middle of it but whichever way it goes you will come out of it with your little ones as a solid unit and they will be just fine. They are bound to ask questions but do what you know is best for you and them.

God, I've been there with my dp over the last few years and we got past it and if we can do it, anyone can. x

VeniVidiVickiQVatChristmas · 18/12/2006 20:19

Expat...

What did you row about?

I'm concerned that you have resigned yourself to this so 'easily'. You always seemed like a fighter.

Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:20

We rowed about a Leap Pad.

OP posts:
Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:20

'S okay, one of my friends' marriages ended over an olive.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQVatChristmas · 18/12/2006 20:21

Okay, cut the bravado woman - what is the same thing you always row about?

Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:23

We row about differences in parenting.

That's almost always what we row about.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQVatChristmas · 18/12/2006 20:24

Ah. Yes, I recognise this one. Happens in our house - conflict between consistency and easy life/immediate results....

So - explain the problem with the Leap Pad....?

Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:24

She has this Leap Pad, and I think she should just enjoy it. Eventually, she brings it to you and you play w/it together.

Instead he cuts in and starts bossing her about it, then she doesn't want to play w/it at all.

So I went over and said, 'let her play w/it. It's her toy.'

And then he went off and flung it.

What kind of message does that send to DD1.

OP posts:
SchneeBallFight · 18/12/2006 20:24

have you ever been able to come to a compromise on a parenting issue?

Saturn74 · 18/12/2006 20:25

Expat.
My thoughts are with you.

Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:25

Not w/him! B/c he takes any sort of thing I say as a personal affront on his parenting skills.

OP posts:
HelloMama · 18/12/2006 20:26

hey expat - sorry to hear this news from you of all people. Am bit of a lurker, but always respect your advice and read you stuff on threads.

Take care of you and yours, will be thinking of you all.

SchneeBallFight · 18/12/2006 20:26

Hmm - tricky. It sounds like he takes things very personally. Who usually 'wins'?

Aderyn · 18/12/2006 20:26

Expat - I'm really sorry to hear this. Please don't think you've f*cked up your DD's lives. If you hadn't got together with their father they wouldn't have existed. You are a good parent. It's up to him how good a parent he is. Two good parents don't have to live together.

Although, I hope there is some way you and he can sort things out. But, if you do become a lone parent, I'm sure your DD's will be fine. You come across as a strong woman who cares passionately about their happiness.

Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:27

No one.

He storms out.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQVatChristmas · 18/12/2006 20:27

Firstly that learning isnt fun, she should be able to do what she wants with it - she'll learn in her own way on something like this. Discovery is all part of it.

But secondly that Mummy undermines Daddy.....in front of her....if you did say that to him there and then....

Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:27

He goes off and takes a drive and then comes back and we just start off again.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQVatChristmas · 18/12/2006 20:27

forget the "?" at the end....

VeniVidiVickiQVatChristmas · 18/12/2006 20:28

oh sod forgot grrrrrrr

SchneeBallFight · 18/12/2006 20:28

I think he has some growing up to do. He needs to learn that life is so much better if things are discussed and resolved and a little compromise on either side is made. He cant always get his own way!

VeniVidiVickiQVatChristmas · 18/12/2006 20:28

Do you always say it to him there and then - what you think about how he is "playing" with DD?

Original poster
expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:29

Lately we've been doing that, cutting each other up in front of her. He'll say, 'Dont shout at her!' and then raise his voice.

We don't smack, FWIW.

OP posts: