I'm chatting online to an illegal immigrant

[sparklesnpearls]

He's from Iran and on his pictures looks lovely and friendly.

His English is pretty good but he asking me to help him learn English as he doesn't want to return to his home country as he has changed his religion which is very serious there. He gave himself up to police and is now awaiting an interview with home office.

I just feel sorry for him but I'm worried about the implications of a potential relationship with him.

Any advice ?

My experience here isn't about romance, admittedly - but just trying to balance out the knee-jerk illegal-immigrant-bashing going on here

Cinnamon2013

If he is a conman, he has told the mark that he is awaiting a response from the Home Office about his status.
Soon, it would be likely he would start asking for money for legal fees and so on.

He may well be lovely, yes. However, I'd be very wary of someone with a sob story on a dating site. One that may "need" a marriage with a local to stay in the country, for example.

If you really want to help him, encourage him to find a church or get more involved in one he is already connected to. They would be in a much better position to provide him with friendship and practical help.

By disclosing that he's here illegally, he could be trying to find out whether the op is likely to run a mile, and if she doesn't he could surmise from this that she's a nice person and may be likely to be generous towards him.
Of course, he could also just be being truthful because he's also a nice person.
The op should tread very carefully imo.

Cinnamon2013

I wasn't illegal immigrant bashing - I seriously doubt he is an illegal immigrant and even if he is lurking around on a dating site and targeting an older and, by her own admission, lonely woman is suspect. I don't think OP should trust her instincts, con men are adept at manipulating people and gaining trust.

Yes it's true he could be a con man but so could other British men that target dating websites where they'll find lonely women.

Is it just because he not from this country why he shouldn't be trusted??? Seems that's the general consensus here

He wants to learn English so he can get a job and stay here not go back to a country where his life may be in danger all because of religion.

All he has asked of me is to help him learn English by speaking to me

So far. He wants to gain your trust and affection. It's how conmen operate.

Cinnamon, I am not illegal immigrant bashing. I don't think he is an illegal immigrant. I think he's a conman with a fake photo. I have made any suggestions as to where he lives or what color his skin is.

The fact that he doesn't want to meet is highly suspicious too, IMO. Chances are he isn't even in the UK, hence no desire to meet.

This is not an uncommon scam. It's more likely to be a con than someone genuinely trying to find love while fighting to stay in the country. People trying to stay in the country have other priorities.

Steer well clear, they will tell you anything to gain your sympathy.

This is a very common scam - dont tell him anything about yourself. Dont reveal any info that could be used to trace you. And the second he hints that he needs money, block and report him to OK Cupid.

I think you fully intent to ignore any advise on here...you know a man who fled here 2 months ago..He can't work regardless of language he is an illegal immigrant..

You think this is about not trusting anyone British...He has a lot to gain from a relationship a lot more than someone with a British passport.

He can't speak English but can communicate and navigate the net well enough to put up a profile on an English Dating site...

You say you are just talking to him but your OP was wondering about potential relationship

If hes 'just looking for a friend to chat to to learn English' why is he OLD? Surely he can find a friend who speaks english to talk to?? he doesnt want to meet or have a romantic relationship (allegedly) but is on an OLD site?
Sorry but i think you have to wake up and read the hundreds/thousands of reports online about scams like this and realise this may well be one of those. Who registers to date when they are waiting to find out if they'll be deported?! Sorry know i sound very cynical but im afraid you'll be one of those daily mail articles we all ready regularly shaking our heads wondering how someone got sucked in to such an obvious scam....
if he gave himself up to police where is he staying? is he in a detention centre waiting for an interview?If so surely there are people there to talk to/learn english from?
Also how does he have constant online access? Surely he cant have a mobile contract here after only 2 months, and one from his home country would cost a fortune as it'd be international charges. just alot of questions not being asked that may help you decide how genuine this is. Agree its odd to start a convo with the fact he's here illegaly, would be worried it will be leading to asking for money for fees etc.

Also for someone just wanting 'friendship' as you stated why on earth would you disclose to him that you cant have children? This seems a VERY personal thing to tell a stranger that you say you have no intention of dating?!!

How on earth have you got to the point of discussing your fertility with a man you've never met and with whom you only want to be friends?

Back away now.

If you are lonely, try and connect with people in your local community.

perspicacia thats the red flag i picked up on too! Doesnt want a relationship but told a stranger she cant have children?? very confusing....

Yes it's true he could be a con man but so could other British men that target dating websites where they'll find lonely women.

Yes, and you should have your radar working for those too.

As I do Lweji, I'm not 16! I'm a full grown woman who just has a little compassion and humanity that's all

He's being detained as an illegal immigrant, doesn't speak the local language and is looking at deportation to a country that he feels will persecute him for his religious beliefs.

And in the middle of all this he decides to try old, how plausible.

Even if you take the rest of his story as fact, would old really be your first port of call to learn English?

You're being taken for a mug op, it's a known scam that has featured in numerous articles and programmes. Do a search or follow any of the links posted here.

The problem with him is not the country where he is from (I know lovely people from there), his religion (I know lovely muslim people) or even that he is (supposedly) illegal in the UK and asking for asylum.

It's the online dating site, and the sob story, with a huge potential for conning you out of your money, or into marrying you to save him.

What people are picking up on is what it looks like your incapacity or reluctance to be careful about him.

So far, it has only been words on a screen and a photo.

He would meet me if I wanted to but I don't want to as I've only been chatting to him a week. Wouldn't meet anyone that soon

Can I ask the point of your post? You seem to really not want anyone's opinion

All this and you've been talking for a week?

A week? Do you mind me asking how many hours of chat there have been this week?

People's experiences maybe!

You say that your radar's working but after a week you've already discussed your separation and infertility. You are already being reeled in, he's following the script and can't believe that there are still women out there that are gullible and lonely enough to fall for it.

It sounds like you won't be deterred op, but please pull the plug if (when) he starts asking for stuff. A few romantic words from a chancer aren't worth losing your savings or your dignity over.

I don't intend to meet him, I'm just being friendly towards him as he clearly is lonely without family and friends in a strange country. I'm taking advice from here and asking him questions though