Fiance asks me strange questions that make me uncomfortable. Does his behaviour seem abnormal?

[lijana]

I work a full time job and also a part time job on weekends. In my work, there is a forced leave period during christmas for 2 weeks. This year, on top of this forced leave, I took an extra day break on a Monday before I went back to work on Tuesday.
When I told my fiance about this, he asked me 'why do you take an extra day off?' My response to this was 'I just want an extra holiday'. The way he asked me was in a questioning tone and in a blunt manner. He then appeared unsatisfied with my answer, and continued to question me, he said 'isnt a 14 day holiday enough? Why do you want to take an extra day on top of the 14 day holiday?' He then said that most people take two weeks not two weeks and 1 day as it seems unusual.
I didn't know the answer to this. For me it is just an extra day off, there are no other or further reasons as to why I would take an extra day. To me of course any extra holidays are better than not having any holidays, but an extra day would be better than an extra 1 week as I can save more on annual leave.
He appeared to be annoyed and agitated at my inability to answer him. I got annoyed at him and decided to turn the questioning on him. There was a period of time where before he met me, he decided to quit his job and after that had more than 1 year off work. He quit his job by choice. He could have stayed at his job and found another one and moved to another job, however he quit and didn't work for 1 year and lived off his parents.
So I decided to fire this and question him on this aspect. I asked him 'why he didn't work and decided to quit the job and have a 1 year holiday.' I said most people try to keep their jobs and find another one before quitting. I said how could he not get worried living off his parents.
He gave me the following response 'that he quit because he felt the job didnt give him enough experience' and that he didn't mind living off his parents because they had no mortgage to pay and food is not that expensive.' (he lived in Ukraine back then)
Then I questioned him as to why he would ask me about my extra day off, what his motive was behind asking such a question.
He said that he had no motive behind it, that he doesnt mind if I take an extra day off and doesnt care about money or that sort of thing. He said that he just wanted to get an understanding behind why I wanted to take an extra day off after 14 days of holidays and why 14 days was not enough. He wanted to understand the logic behind why I wanted to take an extra day off he said.
However I find that hard to believe, as if it is just a light hearted curiosity, why would you ask it so seriously and be unsatisfied with my answer? He would ask, then I would answer and he would move on as it is no big deal.
He then said to me that I could have answered that by saying that I wanted an extra day to have a rest. The funny thing is I answered him in a similar manner however he wasn't satisfied with the answer in the first place!
Does this behaviour or question seem completely ridiculous? Im beginning to think he has some very different thinking patterns and enjoys to proof things when things are so insiginificant. I am beginning to think there is something completely autistic about this and I am starting to lose my respect for him.
Another example once was this:
I told him that cockroaches can climb up sinks when dropped into a sink. My parents also told him this that they have seen it with their own eyes that cockroaches can climb up sinks.
However he still appeared to not believe this as he had not seen it with his own eyes. He appeared to believe that they can't climb up as they will slip.
One day he came home and a cockroach was in the kitchen, he caught it and decided to test the 'theory'. He put the cockroach in the sink and the cockroach climbed up very fast in 1 second up the side of the sink.
He then believed the theory.
Another example was this:
We caught a mouse in a mouse trap. He looked at the mouse and found that it was a little big in the stomach. He thought that this mouse was pregnant but not 100% sure. So therefore he dissected the dead mouse and opened up the stomach which revealed that it had unborn babies.
He felt he had to prove that he was right by doing this. He felt that he had to prove himself right.
Do men normally do this?? Is this something that men are more likely to do?
He told me that he always felt different to others, and that he felt hard to connect with others but he doesnt know what it is.
After being with him for 3 yrs I dont know what it is about him either. At times I feel he is completely normal but other times I feel like there is some serious disconnect with his brain to the average person. However it is hard for me to define the average person as everyone is different..
What is your opinions on this?

I've posted on Mumsnet a few times about stupid "relationships" that I've been in and I've always been very glad of the blunt replies that I have received when I've minimalised quite alarming behaviour. We're the same age and honestly, would you really want to stay with this man who you know isn't right for you rather than either being single and enjoying who you are (28 is still v young, we have lots of life to look forward to) - or meeting someone that really is right for you?

It is true that in relationships you should compromise and it is unlikely to meet someone who's 100% perfect for you but the days of settling for a man "because your clock is ticking" are long gone. It sounds although you're basing your decisions about this on your parents views and expectations rather than your own.

When speaking to people that I know that have gone through divorce, the thing that they all say is "I wish I'd done it 10 years ago". How much of your life do you want to waste?

So basically you're staying with him because he doesn't hit you, does his fair share of housework that any normal human being should do and you're getting on a bit and starting to hear your body clock ticking.

God it's easy to be a bloke. So few expectations..

sociopath? on the spectrum? No, it is not normal behaviour. If you have ever, even for a moment felt unsafe with him - leave. Listen to your intuition. Get out now.

Whatever the case lets hope you don't have a discussion about how long someone can hold their breath under water before they drown to death

I or noneof the engineers i have worked with or known/been in relationships with would ever dissect a mouse caught in a trap.

If his behaviour worries you, then you need a new partner. Dont get sucked into the whole 'last chance' thing, it is not true and even if it was, who wants someone like that involved in your life forever?

He dissected a mouse to prove he was right about it being pregnant?

That's unhinged.

That combined with all the rest - he sounds incredibly odd, I'd stay away. Cutting open an animal for fun isn't normal behaviour.

As usual people jumping in with LTB and he must be weird.

In your original post OP, I think you're the one who sounds a bit weird. After 14 days, he was asking out of curiosity why you needed an extra day. I get that. That's got nothing to do with him taking a year out of work.

The cockroach, mouse and videos thing sounds unusual but I would take it as the sign of someone who has a curious mind. Although it's a little dark, I think there's something quite endearing and interesting about someone mentally active and pro active enough to want to seek their own answers to questions. I would quite like that aspect of someone's personality, although I would be very squeamish over the mouse thing and ask that he do it outside of the house. I would certainly rather that than a guy who spends his time lounging in front of Netflix and going down the pub every day.

It sounds like you have a nice man with an unusual quirk to his personality who cares about you. He may well be on the spectrum. But I think if you're going to come on here and try and find fault with every little comment he makes, maybe you should let him go, not just for you but for him too, so he can actually find himself a woman who appreciates that he's a little different.

You said he's an engineer. All these posters complaining about how weird he is...thank fuck we have these weirdos in our society. Without them science, medicine and engineering would be non existent. It is probing minds that have shaped our modern world, while the rest of us are content with a nice cup of tea and a natter.

For me the issue is that he doesn't seem to believe you - so he is checking things. The other thing is that he feels that people have to deserve apologies etc.

The dissection stuff is plain odd as well and linked to the whole not believing thing.

I think you're at the stage of questioning why you're with him and need a good enough reason to leave. If you're not happy then I think you need to think about calling it a day.

He sounds odd. But I'm equally concerned that you're marrying your first boyfriend because your parents think you might not get another one, or a worse one.

You're 28, make your own decisions.

I don't necessarily see anything worrying from your posts.

I think I'd also be surprised if after a two week break someone wanted an extra day just to hang at home. It's not good practice to then bring up other subjects from the past, into a current issue, btw. Have you never asked him why he took a year off at his parents' expense? However, it is this bit that would worry me: that he could at some point in the relationship think that it was ok living off me (got burnt on that respect).

On the cockroach, it just means that he didn't simply believe other people. Don't see much of a problem.

On the mouse, I am a biologist and it's not something that I'd feel inclined to do, TBH, but, considering it was dead already, it just probably means that he's not squeamish. Is he used to kill animals for food?

But, if you are worried about this guy, then move on. It may be that your niggles are more about whether you are suited to each other, or that you don't love him enough.
See above comment about living an extended period of time off other people with no guilt.

PS- What really screamed at me from your post, though, is that I would definitely consider moving home if your house is cockroach and mouse infested, though. Or at least get a good exterminator.

You know, it doesn't really matter what we think about his behaviour.

What screams out from your posts is that you are not happy with it. And it sounds as if you have very little respect let alone love for him, quite frankly.

Your parents aren't helping; you don't stay with someone out of fear that he's the best of a bad bunch, or that at 28 you are on the shelf! I'm guessing, possibly, that they come from a culture that thinks women should be married off having babies early and that is how your worth is measured? You don't have to abide by that you know, it's bollocks!

Op, in your thread title you put that his questions make you uncomfortable.

Well that's enough of a reason-not that one is needed at all, to leave if you want.

however he quit and didn't work for 1 year and lived off his parents
because they had no mortgage to pay and food is not that expensive
he quit because he felt the job didnt give him enough experience
doesnt care about money or that sort of thing
And dissecting a mouse - FFS!?

Seriously!????
This is a major weirdo and cocklodger in the making.
RUN FOR THE HILLS
THEY ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I get the impression that neither the OP or her DP are British (well, obviously Her DP is Ukranian) which may well explain several things - the attitude to animals (though it does seem a lot of people think he dissected a live mouse), autism, family attitude to marriage plus the OP's rather flat tone in her posts, if she's not posting in her own language. Bit sweeping I know, but not all countries and cultures have the same attitudes to stuff.

However, I do think a lot of posters are being pretty unpleasant. He sounds like the kind of person who likes to get at the facts, without sentimentality. Not surprising given his academic background. And we all need people like this otherwise how do you think new discoveries are made? Not by anyway who goes 'ew' all the time.

OP - only you can know if you love him and can live with him. But please don't just settle for him if it's not right.

I am beginning to think there is something completely autistic about this and I am starting to lose my respect for him

To be honest, you sound downright nasty to me. I'd be telling him to leave.

OP. I am so sorry but the mouse story makes him sound like a sociopath

that's so NOT FUCKING NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOUR

sorry to be so blunt

and well done to whoever found a mouse emoji!!!

look after yourself

All these posters complaining about how weird he is...thank fuck we have these weirdos in our society. Without them science, medicine and engineering would be non existent. It is probing minds that have shaped our modern world, while the rest of us are content with a nice cup of tea and a natter

Well said.

Tbh neither DH or I would waste a previous day of holiday as you have. Ours are talked through, carefully planned and used to make the most of the available time.

It doesn't sound like you are happy enough with him to commit to spend the rest of your life with this man. Your 1950's style parents are responsible for clouding your judgement and not seeing that for yourself.

All these posters complaining about how weird he is...thank fuck we have these weirdos in our society. Without them science, medicine and engineering would be non existent. It is probing minds that have shaped our modern world, while the rest of us are content with a nice cup of tea and a natter

What a load of bollocks. Normal people don't go around cutting up random dead animals because they're curious. It would be entirely different if he was doing it for actual scientific research

I think between 'weirdo' and 'nice cup of tea' types there is a whole world of non-weirdo intelligence and creativity, actually.

I'm speechless at all of this.

He's just extremely logical, taking his curiosity to a degree that most men would not.

Personally, I'd find the answers you gave and the lack of logic about the extra day's holiday a bit annoying too. Maybe I'd press for a more informative answer too. It would make us incompatible in the long run, as I'd find it frustrating if the person I live with repeatedly did little things that didn't make sense but they couldn't offer any explanation for them that made sense, even if I didn't agree with the conclusion.

I'd also be revolted if I lived with someone who dissected a dead animal just to satisfy their curiosity. Are you going to come home from time to time and find that he's taken your new gadget apart because he wants to see how it works??

I think instead of asking if he is in the wrong or not, you should ask whether you and he are compatible, or whether you will irritate the hell out of each other over then next 30 years?

OP. I am so sorry but the mouse story makes him sound like a sociopath

OMG! It takes a lot more than looking inside an already dead mouse to define a sociopath.

"Normal people don't go around cutting up random dead animals because they're curious. "

I agree.

Also re the holiday.

What did it matter that Op fancied another day of?

Sure you'd probably ask why, but not go on because the answer wasn't to your liking.

Whether he's weird, or any other label that's been thrown out doesn't really matter if you aren't 100% happy with him.

Perhaps OP wanted a day off from the weirdo that she is dating, rather than work.

I would question dh about the extra day off. How unbelievably pointless!

But we plan our holidays together so maybe that's why.