Fiance asks me strange questions that make me uncomfortable. Does his behaviour seem abnormal?

[lijana]

I work a full time job and also a part time job on weekends. In my work, there is a forced leave period during christmas for 2 weeks. This year, on top of this forced leave, I took an extra day break on a Monday before I went back to work on Tuesday.
When I told my fiance about this, he asked me 'why do you take an extra day off?' My response to this was 'I just want an extra holiday'. The way he asked me was in a questioning tone and in a blunt manner. He then appeared unsatisfied with my answer, and continued to question me, he said 'isnt a 14 day holiday enough? Why do you want to take an extra day on top of the 14 day holiday?' He then said that most people take two weeks not two weeks and 1 day as it seems unusual.
I didn't know the answer to this. For me it is just an extra day off, there are no other or further reasons as to why I would take an extra day. To me of course any extra holidays are better than not having any holidays, but an extra day would be better than an extra 1 week as I can save more on annual leave.
He appeared to be annoyed and agitated at my inability to answer him. I got annoyed at him and decided to turn the questioning on him. There was a period of time where before he met me, he decided to quit his job and after that had more than 1 year off work. He quit his job by choice. He could have stayed at his job and found another one and moved to another job, however he quit and didn't work for 1 year and lived off his parents.
So I decided to fire this and question him on this aspect. I asked him 'why he didn't work and decided to quit the job and have a 1 year holiday.' I said most people try to keep their jobs and find another one before quitting. I said how could he not get worried living off his parents.
He gave me the following response 'that he quit because he felt the job didnt give him enough experience' and that he didn't mind living off his parents because they had no mortgage to pay and food is not that expensive.' (he lived in Ukraine back then)
Then I questioned him as to why he would ask me about my extra day off, what his motive was behind asking such a question.
He said that he had no motive behind it, that he doesnt mind if I take an extra day off and doesnt care about money or that sort of thing. He said that he just wanted to get an understanding behind why I wanted to take an extra day off after 14 days of holidays and why 14 days was not enough. He wanted to understand the logic behind why I wanted to take an extra day off he said.
However I find that hard to believe, as if it is just a light hearted curiosity, why would you ask it so seriously and be unsatisfied with my answer? He would ask, then I would answer and he would move on as it is no big deal.
He then said to me that I could have answered that by saying that I wanted an extra day to have a rest. The funny thing is I answered him in a similar manner however he wasn't satisfied with the answer in the first place!
Does this behaviour or question seem completely ridiculous? Im beginning to think he has some very different thinking patterns and enjoys to proof things when things are so insiginificant. I am beginning to think there is something completely autistic about this and I am starting to lose my respect for him.
Another example once was this:
I told him that cockroaches can climb up sinks when dropped into a sink. My parents also told him this that they have seen it with their own eyes that cockroaches can climb up sinks.
However he still appeared to not believe this as he had not seen it with his own eyes. He appeared to believe that they can't climb up as they will slip.
One day he came home and a cockroach was in the kitchen, he caught it and decided to test the 'theory'. He put the cockroach in the sink and the cockroach climbed up very fast in 1 second up the side of the sink.
He then believed the theory.
Another example was this:
We caught a mouse in a mouse trap. He looked at the mouse and found that it was a little big in the stomach. He thought that this mouse was pregnant but not 100% sure. So therefore he dissected the dead mouse and opened up the stomach which revealed that it had unborn babies.
He felt he had to prove that he was right by doing this. He felt that he had to prove himself right.
Do men normally do this?? Is this something that men are more likely to do?
He told me that he always felt different to others, and that he felt hard to connect with others but he doesnt know what it is.
After being with him for 3 yrs I dont know what it is about him either. At times I feel he is completely normal but other times I feel like there is some serious disconnect with his brain to the average person. However it is hard for me to define the average person as everyone is different..
What is your opinions on this?

Has anyone heard of a shockumentary called Traces of Death? I have never heard of this before meeting him. He told me that he watched it. The video basically shows people having accidents or surgeries or being killed and accidentally filmed. He said he wanted to watched it out of curiosity so he watched it.
Is this normal? Is this something ordinary people would have curiosity to see or only deranged people?

He didnt bring a cockroach into the house. It was in the kitchen, he put it in the sink.

I guess in this case there was no animal cruelty as the mouse is already dead from mouse trap

He told me that he watched it. The video basically shows people having accidents or surgeries or being killed and accidentally filmed. He said he wanted to watched it out of curiosity so he watched it.

Now that is worrying!

He didnt bring a live cockroach into the house, it was already in the kitchen and he caught it to get rid of it.
He dissected with a box cutting knife in the kitchen. He was curious to see if it was pregnant as it would also mean there are more mice in the house.

Jesus it sounds like he has very little empathy, never a good sign.

He didn't bring a cockroach into the house - it was in the kitchen.

I'm laughing at the shock that the mouse might be dissected with kitchen knives.. but it would be ok to use them on a dead cow or a dead chicken I suppose....

I am surprised how few people have mentioned the losing respect because there might be 'something autistic' about him.

That is not ok. There is nothing about autism that means someone does not deserve to be respected. It sounds like you are considering whether you want to be in a relationship with him - thats fine, totally your call to decide that it's not working for you any more.

Sorry, it's late and I misread. I thought he brought the cockroach in. Apologies.

Still, the mouse!

I'm no psychologist and have no idea of what the OP has described is "normal" behaviour. But I don't know anyone who watches programmes showing people being killed! I certainly don't. I don't know the man in question but what the OP describes would make me very uncomfortable. I would also be concerned about this behaviour escalating. If he dissected a dead cat he found in the road, would that be weird?

I think i'd personally struggle with a cat dissection because i have cats as pets and a previous much loved one had to have an autopsy so that would be too close to the bone for me.

Blue I'm also uncomfortable with the "he must be autistic" comments. None can possibly tell that from the posts so far. I think it's quite insulting to people with autism.

My at the kitchen utensils for dissection was more about hygiene. Mice are incontinent vermin so more of a health hazard I would have thought than properly butchered and prepared meat. But I'm also vegetarian and much more squeamish about these things! I couldn't even touch raw meat so I stopped eating it!

I think it would be different in that it is a rodent and a pest rather than an actual pet.
He thinks of it as a pest, therefore dissecting seems more ok?

I'd say at the very least his brain works in a, um, different way. At the worst he's semi-sociopathic and unable to truly identify with normal human behaviour, thus his need to overanalyze it and his feeling that it was OK to sponge off his parents.

I'd run a mile. There are too many normal men out there to risk marriage to someone like him.

I think the real question is, are you ok with it, OP? There's a split of opinion on here but none of us are engaged to this guy.

If something doesn't feel right then I think you need to listen to that feeling. I'm not saying LTB but definitely explore it. You said you're "losing respect" for this guy - IMO that's more important than the DIY mouse autopsies.

Fuck me this is an odd thread. I would be running personally, but that's just me

I agree with helles. What matters is how you feel about all these things. It sounds like its got to a point where you have had enough of his ways.

On one hand he explained for sponging off his parents however on the other hand, when he came to Australia, and started making much better money e.g. $4000 per month rather than $100 per month in Ukraine, he helped his mum by giving her $100 per week.

I think you both sound odd.

So he gives his mum some money. That's great (I'm not being sarcastic BTW) and he's sort of repaying his parents' previous generosity.

It sounds like you're making excuses for him: "he's done x (nice thing) so that makes up for y (weird thing)". I think you know most people would find some of the behaviour odd - if you didn't, why as lk a bunch of strangers what they think? If you thought it was normal, would it even cross your mind to ask us?

FWIW, the watching people die in videos and mouse dissection would be a deal breaker for me. Even if he was in every other way delightful. There's a line for me and that crosses it.

You need to work out where your line is.

I don't see any problem in dissecting a dead mouse

Me neither. I have much more of a problem with killing and experimenting on animals, than dissecting an animal that died for another reason.

On one hand he displays these behaviours which seem odd. On the other hand he is very supportive at times to me. E.g. when he noticed that I had allergy to dust, he decided to do the cleaning himself every week for the house. If i was cooking etc, he would ask if i need help. He is good at fixing things with his hands and figuring out practical stuff (which I am not good at). E.g. once our electric gate stopped working, he worked out how to fix it and replaced a part without me having to call a repairs man.
Once I ripped my pants and he helped me sow up the pants. I understand many women have problems in getting men to do housework etc, but on this aspect he seems quite a good guy. He doesnt forget bdays or anniversary. He helps my parents with stuff, if they need help with computer or garden work.

My fiance is my first relationship, Ive never dated anyone else.
Therefore I feel the need to ask others as I have no guys to compare his behaviour to. I went to an all girls highschool and hardly had any guy friends. All my friends are girls, and girls don't exhibit those behaviours usually but perhaps guys do..

Agree with the posters who mentioned you losing respect because of suspected autism and the living off parents for a year being off. The video though-now that is worrying. How did he react to it? Did he show any signs of empathy or revulsion? Is he empathetic to you and your emotions? Not just doing things because it's the right thing to do, but does he get upset or happy? (The argument about the extra day would personally piss me off btw)

X post-no, not all guys do. I don't know anyone who would do any of those things.

I feel that he watched it out of curiosity. He also felt it was gross but was curious to see it as many reviews about it on internet and it has some reputation (the video), e.g. on the listings on imdb etc.
He can be empathetic but I wouldnt say he is the most empathetic human being on earth. He is not the type to feel sorry for others for no valid reason, e.g. he will consider the background of the situation and if it is the others fault and they suffered consequences due to their own fault, he may think that they caused the problem themselves and not necessarily be empathetic about them. He likes to seek the truth and assess things based on facts.

Ok. I'm tired be should really try to sleep so I apologise if I sound blunt.

The list above of nice things he does - cleaning, fixing the gate, remembering birthdays, being nice to your parents - that it was most normal, nice people do every day, without being asked. It's part of living together. You split chores, you help out, do favours, to keep the household ticking over. Some men and women don't do these things and their partners either accept it or they don't.

The fact that he's a man is a bit irrelevant. If any behaviour makes you uncomfortable, then it doesn't matter what sex the perpetrator is. I don't know any men or women who do some of the more alarming things you listed in your OP. If I did know lots of men that behaved that way, I'd still be uncomfortable with it.

Think of it like this: I've met lots of people who take/have taken recreational drugs. It happens, a lot. I still don't like it and if I found out my fiancé took them he would either have to stop completely or I would leave. Other women would be more tolerant, but it's still the right decision for me.

Do you really want to marry this man? You are under no obligation. You can chose. Your last posts sound like you're minimising/justifying his behaviour.