Fiance asks me strange questions that make me uncomfortable. Does his behaviour seem abnormal?

[lijana]

I work a full time job and also a part time job on weekends. In my work, there is a forced leave period during christmas for 2 weeks. This year, on top of this forced leave, I took an extra day break on a Monday before I went back to work on Tuesday.
When I told my fiance about this, he asked me 'why do you take an extra day off?' My response to this was 'I just want an extra holiday'. The way he asked me was in a questioning tone and in a blunt manner. He then appeared unsatisfied with my answer, and continued to question me, he said 'isnt a 14 day holiday enough? Why do you want to take an extra day on top of the 14 day holiday?' He then said that most people take two weeks not two weeks and 1 day as it seems unusual.
I didn't know the answer to this. For me it is just an extra day off, there are no other or further reasons as to why I would take an extra day. To me of course any extra holidays are better than not having any holidays, but an extra day would be better than an extra 1 week as I can save more on annual leave.
He appeared to be annoyed and agitated at my inability to answer him. I got annoyed at him and decided to turn the questioning on him. There was a period of time where before he met me, he decided to quit his job and after that had more than 1 year off work. He quit his job by choice. He could have stayed at his job and found another one and moved to another job, however he quit and didn't work for 1 year and lived off his parents.
So I decided to fire this and question him on this aspect. I asked him 'why he didn't work and decided to quit the job and have a 1 year holiday.' I said most people try to keep their jobs and find another one before quitting. I said how could he not get worried living off his parents.
He gave me the following response 'that he quit because he felt the job didnt give him enough experience' and that he didn't mind living off his parents because they had no mortgage to pay and food is not that expensive.' (he lived in Ukraine back then)
Then I questioned him as to why he would ask me about my extra day off, what his motive was behind asking such a question.
He said that he had no motive behind it, that he doesnt mind if I take an extra day off and doesnt care about money or that sort of thing. He said that he just wanted to get an understanding behind why I wanted to take an extra day off after 14 days of holidays and why 14 days was not enough. He wanted to understand the logic behind why I wanted to take an extra day off he said.
However I find that hard to believe, as if it is just a light hearted curiosity, why would you ask it so seriously and be unsatisfied with my answer? He would ask, then I would answer and he would move on as it is no big deal.
He then said to me that I could have answered that by saying that I wanted an extra day to have a rest. The funny thing is I answered him in a similar manner however he wasn't satisfied with the answer in the first place!
Does this behaviour or question seem completely ridiculous? Im beginning to think he has some very different thinking patterns and enjoys to proof things when things are so insiginificant. I am beginning to think there is something completely autistic about this and I am starting to lose my respect for him.
Another example once was this:
I told him that cockroaches can climb up sinks when dropped into a sink. My parents also told him this that they have seen it with their own eyes that cockroaches can climb up sinks.
However he still appeared to not believe this as he had not seen it with his own eyes. He appeared to believe that they can't climb up as they will slip.
One day he came home and a cockroach was in the kitchen, he caught it and decided to test the 'theory'. He put the cockroach in the sink and the cockroach climbed up very fast in 1 second up the side of the sink.
He then believed the theory.
Another example was this:
We caught a mouse in a mouse trap. He looked at the mouse and found that it was a little big in the stomach. He thought that this mouse was pregnant but not 100% sure. So therefore he dissected the dead mouse and opened up the stomach which revealed that it had unborn babies.
He felt he had to prove that he was right by doing this. He felt that he had to prove himself right.
Do men normally do this?? Is this something that men are more likely to do?
He told me that he always felt different to others, and that he felt hard to connect with others but he doesnt know what it is.
After being with him for 3 yrs I dont know what it is about him either. At times I feel he is completely normal but other times I feel like there is some serious disconnect with his brain to the average person. However it is hard for me to define the average person as everyone is different..
What is your opinions on this?

Just out of interest how many of the 'spectrum' experts actually qualified to diagnose autism are there on here?
Am I just being cynical or is there really a glut of PhD waving medical experts hanging around these forums??
Genuine question..

OP, run far far away from this person. He sounds disturbed to me and I know a lot of weird and quirky people.

His intense compulsion to prove he's right and correct about his little theories he's fixated on coupled with going to any lengths to do so (dissecting a pregnant mouse? conducting an experiment with a roach to determine slope of sink to slipperiness ratio?), does not bode well for the day in the not too distant future when he decides to shave all your hair off while you're asleep (a little something in the cocoa) to prove that your head is a perfect oval.

Proceed at your own risk. Or, get the hell out of there while he's still tracking only small prey.

I'm another one who doesn't see a problem with him dissecting an already dead mouse, from a trap, out of curiosity. (It would be different if he had killed the mouse just for the purpose of dissecting it.) I'm a science teacher, though, and part of my job is to recognise and encourage curiosity and get students to form and test theories; to develop a lifelong love of learning and finding things out for themselves, not just relying on books/internet/teachers.

That is how science has progressed throughout history - someone has thought: "hmmm, I wonder why that is? Let's see if I can find out." And often it's not for any other reason than plain curiosity. (I will also add that personally I would not enjoy dissecting an animal, and it is no longer done in most schools.)

As for the cockroach, if one of my students asked me whether they can climb out of sinks, I'd tell them to do just what your fiancé did.

The bit that does disturb me is watching videos of people getting killed. That is something I can't understand at all, and it would worry me. But then, I don't like even the least violent of violent video games or violent movies, and lots of 'normal people' seem fine with engaging in those.

Your reactions to all of this are as strange as his behaviours. The fact that you spent all the first post extrapolating that story about a extra day's leave but then through in a domestic mouse dissection as an aside is very very weird. I cannot really think of advice though.

threw not through

Thanks for your comment CakeRattleandRoll.

My fiance has commented previously he likes science and that science can prove theories etc. He likes to watch Mythbusters for example where they seem to prove a lot of things they see on tv etc.
He studied radio engineering in university and studied physics etc. He is definitely not a humanities e.g. english or history person. He said to me that he never liked in english classes where they had to read a book and you then had to interpret what the different chapters means or what the author really means. He told me how would he know what the author means...
He is a very fact based person.
He doesnt usually watch many violent movies, he likes to watch more like underdog films or films about an underdog defeating all odds etc.
He told me he was curious to watch traces of death due to its shock value and it being quite a 'famous' film or mentioned one , thats how he found out about it. He does not play violent video games, or often watch only violent, horror films. Once I went to a haunted house with him at a fair and he was less brave than me the first time around..

I just saw the post about the death video. That is creepy.

OP, I have brothers (four), uncles, male cousins and schoolmates and colleagues and friends, four nephews, a husband and son. Your fiance's behavior is not normal male behavior.

R U N

Cake was the dissection a scientific endeavour, motivated by curiosity, or the fiancé trying to prove a point (that he's right) and going to quite an extreme length to prove it? I guess we can't tell, we weren't there. All I know is if I found a dead mouse in a trap and thought it was pregnant, I might feel a bit sad about it, hope it was a swift death and dispose. It's not the dissection per se, more the motive. Mixed with the videos thing

If I was the OP I would be out of there but horses for courses I guess!

I'd be gone I think. imagine a future where you have kids. Kids sometimes do silly things and they hurt themselves. A parent might say "ooo that was silly." But they are sympathetic and empathetic to their child's pain. Would he? Would he decide as it was the child's fault that they deserved the hurt they received? People often say "I have no sympathy with X, they brought their problems on themself" but that doesn't stop them being empathetic with their situation.
There are plenty of infamous and shocking films and images out there. Most people have no desire to watch them "out of curiosity"

Regardless of whether the things he does are 'normal' or not, you sound like you are unsure of him. You are engaged. You should be confident in him and his behaviours. If you have doubts now then they will probably grow as time goes on, and especially when and if children arrive. I think you need to seriously consider a life with this man who gives you cause to feel this way.

I have told my parents my concerns. They told me that every man has his bad qualities and that if I dump him and find another man, I may be unhappy about some other characteristic of the other man. They told me that no one is perfect.
As he is not violent towards me or have any mean tendencies to me, I should be too critical. They find him to be quite a good person eg. very practically oriented and is not the lazy type to laze around the house all day. He also appears much more romantic and attentive than my own dad for example.
I told them about the mouse incident and they were also surprised but not in a disgusted 'run away' sort of way, they thought he was very daring and brave to cut up a mouse. My dad said he wouldnt do it himself as he'd be too scared.

So basically, the advice was to marry him because he's the best of a bad bunch?

Wow!

I dont know, I do know many women who are fussy who find many problems with the guy but then never finds the one..
They also say that as I am 28 I should get settled soon as women tend to run out of time more than men.

Extremely odd behaviour, cutting up a dead mouse is not brave it's weird.

Watching a film where people actually die is deeply disturbing, (unless I've misunderstood), I'd be running for the hills, I don't think I know anyone who would do this, and if I did I'd no longer associate with them.

I was going to say he sounds like an engineer, LOL. For me none of his behavior seems unusual, but I'm married to an engineer with a father whose an engineer (and I have budding engineers in both DS and DD) and I work at an engineering university. I'm surrounded by men and women who are not content to simply take anecdotal evidence as fact, and yes, it can be EXTREMELY frustrating, but it's also sometimes pretty amazing and absolutely fantastic when it comes to getting DIY stuff done around the house.

As for the "Traces of Death": en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traces_of_Death

It sounds like its just a collection of stuff that's already appeared on the news or on youtube. Nothing bizarre. DH has watched all the human centipedes and I think they sound far more disturbing.

However, if you're having trouble respecting him because he thinks differently then you, then I would say end the relationship now, and find someone more like yourself.

I do know many women who are fussy who find many problems with the guy but then never finds the one - probably better to never find the 'one' and stay single for longer, than to settle for the wrong one, which does appear to be what you are intending doing.

I think you said upthread that you hadn't had previous boyfriends? I really think you need to get out there and get some more experience with other guys before you settle for someone who's probably not right for you. You just don't seem to by buzzing with happiness with this man.

DH is in engineering AND on 'the spectrum'. I do not think he would dissect a pregnant mouse, though. That is very disturbing and weird. It shows a lack of empathy, and though this might sound strange, a lack of respect for life and female creatures.

novemberchild it's not like he killed the mouse, it was already dead in a trap. I don't see any difference between that and someone who shoots and guts a deer or a rabbit. It sounds like curiosity to me. I don't think DH would do that either, but he's not interested in the medical side of things, however I have students in biomedical engineering who get excited when they find out it's "dissection day," Or who are regularly playing around with dead animals as part of experimentation. I've no doubt they'd take a dead mouse from a trap and dissect it if they were curious about whether or not it was pregnant. I don't think there's anything wrong with them at all, it's just what they are interested in.

Actually, come to think of it, I grew up next to a boy who was constantly dissecting dead animals he came across (he never killed them himself), including a hawk we found dead in our back yard. We thought it was weird at the time, but now he's a surgeon, and suddenly it all makes sense.

And to be fair, the OP did say the reason he dissected it was because:

He was curious to see if it was pregnant as it would also mean there are more mice in the house.

Which seems like quite a sensible reason. And not like he was doing it to prove he was right or make some sort of point.

Lol. Op. He sounds a fruit cake.

Yes. I still find it peculiar and disrespectful, though. I guess I think that a living soul that has passed away should be treated with respect.

Why are you marrying him?

Oh for all the armchair diagnosers autism doesn't mean lack of empathy nor does it mean being a psychopath who likes to cut up animals. Please desist from the bollocks.

You both sound odd to me but he sounds odder.

I think you need environmental health round to the house.

And, personally, I could not live with him.