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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
IamlovedbyG · 28/12/2015 17:57

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 18:11

I wrote on mumsnet to chat with people who are going through the same thing domestic abuse relationship just to be called selfish etc well if that's the kind of help you get on here i would rather not post on here.

OP posts:
Jibberjabberjooo · 28/12/2015 18:13

But people are going through the same or have been through it and came out the side and are trying to help. You aren't reading any of their replies or answering anyone's questions. You're just repeating yourself endlessly.

2015nearlyover · 28/12/2015 18:13

But Clarkey it's not a chatting matter. It's action that's needed. Your action.

lorelei9 · 28/12/2015 18:14

Clarkey, some of us are trying to help, ignore the other posters.

user7755 · 28/12/2015 18:18

If you want to chat Clarkey, then listen to what people are saying to you. Perhaps you could read back through the thread and see if you can see what other people are seeing?

You have only given part of the story so it is difficult for people to understand why you seem to be reluctant to change anything. You are going around in circles, giving half a story and when people are giving advice, you are just saying that you will speak to women's aid. That isn't chatting I'm afraid.

People genuinely do want to help but it seems like you don't want that.

tiktok · 28/12/2015 18:22

Clarkey, you have had a lot more than ppl calling you selfish. If you don't like the 'you are selfish' posts, ignore them.

It's likely that your situation and your feelings about your situation are beyond a talk board's scope. The only thing that can change your situation will be your own action in leaving, and informing the police about the threats.

You are not prepared to do either of these actions, at this time, so it becomes difficult for ppl to remain willing to support with further advice.

RideEmCowgirl · 28/12/2015 18:23

This reply has been deleted

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trappedinsuburbia · 28/12/2015 18:24

Hi OP some of the posters can be quite bullying if you don't take their advice the second they've said it, please ignore them there will be posters that will be genuinely helpful.

wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 18:26

You say it like its a throw away thing.... Like you are discussing what slow cooker to buy in the sale....
This Isn't the first time people have given advice to you on a highly emotive subject. You block questions and any advice. I imagine it's how you live day to day.
Only you know why your children live with your parents- one from birth and everyone being ok with that. You are either horribly naive or people know what's happening. There is far more to this than what you are saying.
Just responding 'I will chat to women's aid' is just not enough. You aren't putting them first. Nor will you....
My mum was the same. 30 Years with the same man..... Violence etc. He rewarded her by leaving her....
So again.... What's it going to take?.
Women's aid can't give you all the answers or make this painless. This has to come from you....

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 18:26

I know have been through domestic abuse and have left without any threats being carried out and that's great i am listening to all the great advice given and one post read it's not domestic abuse just because he hasent been violent to me for a number of years doesn't mean that it's not domestic abuse i have chatted with Womans aid and read information on there website and it's what my relationship is like with this man
Constantly putting me down
Calling me names
Telling me that i can't go out
Tells me he will hurt me or my family should i leave
Checks where i am
Doesn't let me go out with friends
Just because he hasent hit me doesn't mean i am not in a domestic abuse relationship

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 18:31

No but you are stating fear as why you can't leave.... This is keeping you from your children.
It's domestic abuse yes.
Honestly I would leave them with your parents and some stability.

G1veMeStrength · 28/12/2015 18:31

Clarkey, are you physically fit? when he next leaves the house, you can walk out and go to the police, and be clear with them about all of this, and your new life will begin. Good luck.

Baressentials · 28/12/2015 18:31

Have you managed to speak to Womens Aid yet?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 18:32

I will be getting my children back in my care and start to be a mum again and i honestly thought this was a lovely post with friendly people but from what people have said on here is absolutely disgusting just as bad as a domestic abuse person

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 28/12/2015 18:33

Of course it doesn't. DV takes many forms. I imagine the fact that he hasn't hit you means he's less likely to be violent to your family but might be wrong on that.

But the fact remains that you can leave right now. Your children need you to do that. Or is it easier to blame your DC being cared for by someone else on your partner and not tackle the second issue which I don't think you've said what is.

TheSecondViola · 28/12/2015 18:33

Yes but why is any of that a reason that you can't step up for your children? And why is the dog more important than they are?
And why did you have your children removed in the first place?

You have been chatting about your situation for a long time, when are you ever going to DO?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 18:34

Hi Baressntials yes i managed to chat with Womans aid they have been very helpful i need to go into they local office tomorrow to get a safety plan sorted and if i need it get somewhere safe to stay

OP posts:
Funinthesun15 · 28/12/2015 18:35

There is far more to this than what you are saying.

I agree. Especially as the children being into care isn't just down to him according to OP.

Baressentials · 28/12/2015 18:35

Glad you spoke to WA today.

fastdaytears · 28/12/2015 18:36

disgusting just as bad as a domestic abuse person

Honestly? Are you serious on that?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 18:36

Thanks Baressentials glad someone is actually being friendly

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 18:38

Yes some of the posts i have had on here are an awful way to speak to someone who is already in a domestic abuse relationship

OP posts:
Shutthatdoor · 28/12/2015 18:38

Not sure what you actually want people to say.

You have admitted that your partner isn't the only reason you children were removed yet you won't say what else.

You seem to not want to leave because of dogs.

Not sure what you want people to say

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 28/12/2015 18:39

Op do you have a social worker?

And is your DH reliant on drink/drugs?