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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
Quornmakesmefart · 28/12/2015 16:57

op but with the greatest respect, the only person who can actually get you out of there, unless you are being physically restrained, is you.

Why not just do it now?

Nottodaythankyouorever · 28/12/2015 16:57

i am going to speak to them today and get the help to get out of this abusive relationship and get my children back with me

As pp have said. Unless you own up and acknowledge ALL the reasonsame they aren't with you then you won't get them back.

It isn't as simple as leave him and get them back!

Parker231 · 28/12/2015 16:57

I'm sorry OP but you keep saying you are hoping to ring them but I don't think you will? The police and your parents should be your first concern to protect everyone's safety ( you haven't said why you haven't involved the police?) and so that you have somewhere to stay tonight.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 28/12/2015 16:57

*reasons

Philoslothy · 28/12/2015 16:58

Hi Hissy when i chat with Womans aid they will give me the right help and advice on how to leave the relationship

What advice have they been giving you al, the other times that you have phoned them? Have you acted on this advice?

Evabeaversprotege · 28/12/2015 16:58

Clarkey. Do you have special needs?

As there's no way in HELL I'd be standing by the man you're with. He will NOT carry out his threats, he is a coward.

Why does your mum think she has your children? Was there abuse? Sexual/substance? I can't think of any reason a granny would bring up children and not know the reality of the situation her daughter is living in.

And please drop this "chat" shit. I chat to the milkman - you need a serious talk with the people around you.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 16:58

Hi Quorn i am going to get the right help and advice from Womans aid about leaving.

OP posts:
Quornmakesmefart · 28/12/2015 16:59

op so tell him you're going out for some milk, or to take the dog out, or whatever reason he would believe, and go. Don't go back. Go to the police or get somewhere away from your house and call them.

Parker231 · 28/12/2015 17:00

Why can't you leave now - if he comes after you ring the police!

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 28/12/2015 17:01

Oh ffs. How about you stop taking the piss?

Every stupid 'oh I'll phone for a chat', stupid friggin post you make, is taking the piss out of those who need help and desperately want it.

Do you realise that?

Look you either want out and will do it NOW. Or you want to continue putting him before your kids

Quornmakesmefart · 28/12/2015 17:01

op but if you've spoken to WA before, why are you still there? As I said, you just need to get out. You don't need a 'right way'. The only right way is as soon as possible. Why are you not just going?

LivingInTheShadows · 28/12/2015 17:01

Honestly, you would have thought that the fact that OP has been told that she has no chance of getting her kids 'back' while she is with this 'man' would be enough of a motivator to make her leave. Obviously not as they were taken off her FOUR years ago. She has somewhere to go - where her DC are Hmm.

All these excuses about her being scared he will carry out his 'threats' and worries about a bloody dog - when the only input she has in her DCs lives is half an hour a day! One of them a newborn when they were removed from her FFS!

Honestly difficult to muster up any empathy OP. My sympapthy is with your DC. They will be on JK in 15 years and you will still be insisting you couldn't leave Hmm.

LivingInTheShadows · 28/12/2015 17:03

I can't believe this is real actually. There cannot be women these days who are so fucking stupid.

lorelei9 · 28/12/2015 17:07

OP, I post wanting the best for you.

I'm wondering if you have any special needs, anything like that? IF you do then it's worth emphasising that to the police so they can be sure there is no misunderstanding in advice you get.

Do you have friends you can go to? Are you very young? I get a vibe that you are very vulnerable, even more so than someone in many DV situations. I wonder if you could get a friend to buy an old style non traceable mobile phone for you. You could make arrangements without fear of being tracked or recorded.

wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 17:08

There is obviously more than one reason why they are with your parents.
You are choosing this life. Both for yourself and your poor children.
Nothing will change you gave up your child from birth.... Who does that?
It's been going on for YEARS.....everything is in place to help you and you want a 'chat'
Perhaps after all this time the fact you are putting him and the dog before your children means they would be better left alone..
£200 for a phone?
What's it going to take?

notapizzaeater · 28/12/2015 17:08

Why are you so ashamed to tell your parents ? Do you not think they would help ?

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/12/2015 17:12

OP, you have talked to WA. They have told you that when you choose to leave they will help you. When you choose to leave WA, the police and your family can support and protect you.

What feelings do you have about what your DP has done this Christmas?

TheSpectreOfMorningtonCrescent · 28/12/2015 17:13

Sorry, I'm out.
I'm glad though that the dc are with people that keep them safe from a mess like this.

trufflehunterthebadger · 28/12/2015 17:16

instead of wasting time on here then you can chat online with someone from WA here.

Enoughalreadyyou · 28/12/2015 17:18

fFS OP you are as bad as him. By staying you condone his behaviour and take no responsibility for your children. Ridiculous.

TendonQueen · 28/12/2015 17:19

OP, your parents will be aware that there is something very wrong in your relationship even if you have not told them exact details. The way you live, having to be home before he returns from work, being separated from your children, him not being interested in the children, all of it screams out that there are serious problems. They know this. Don't hold back any longer on telling them the full story. Nothing can be more embarrassing than the knowledge they already have, and the awareness that their daughter would rather stay where she is than ask for their help.

Enoughalreadyyou · 28/12/2015 17:20

You are behaving like a child.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 17:21

Hi TheCakeDiet yes i am going to chat with Womans aid again today and get all the right advice about leaving the relationship safely.

OP posts:
Lookatyourwatchnow · 28/12/2015 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LivingInTheShadows · 28/12/2015 17:22

My first thought was LDs due to the OP's posting style and the constant references to being in a 'domestic violence relationship' .

If so surely the OP's parents/Adult SS would have intervened by now as she would be a vulnerable adult? Odd that they would take the DC but leave her in that situation? I cannot believe that they don't know. Obviously there was something seriously wrong for the DC's to be removed and if the father is allowed access, it can't be all about him?