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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
Bubblesinthesummer · 28/12/2015 21:30

Have you put a plan in place to sort out the other reasons as to why your DC were removed?

If your partner isn't the only reason they were removed then it surely won't just be a case of leave him and get them back. Especially after so many years.

You need a real plan OP

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:31

Thanks wonky lampshade

OP posts:
Shutthatdoor · 28/12/2015 21:31

I do have an income at the moment so that won't be a problem supporting my children.

How do you have an income if you aren't working?

Minibelle · 28/12/2015 21:32

Clarks u I don't think people can help you unless you give the full story.

Why are your children in your parents care?

Why haven't you involved the police?

Women's aid are a great support but they can't get you out of this situation only you can.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:32

Hi Bubbles i will work with woman's aid and social services to get my children back with me

OP posts:
wonkylampshade · 28/12/2015 21:34

Its not important for her to have a plan for the children in place yet - she's in a vulnerable state and needs support to be confident enough to leave her partner first. Everything else is secondary for the moment. Even the children. They're safe with their grandparents and that's a positive. Op needs to focus on getting herself out of this relationship safely.

wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 21:34

Income how?
The father of your children is Part of the jigsaw.... You need to sort out and fix the other bits too as a responsible parent.

wonkylampshade · 28/12/2015 21:37

But first she needs to get out Wannabe- everything else comes afterwards.

Shutthatdoor · 28/12/2015 21:37

Its not important for her to have a plan for the children in place yet

It may be a motivation to leave.

wonkylampshade · 28/12/2015 21:41

Absolutely, that I agree wholeheartedly with.

AliceInUnderpants · 28/12/2015 21:42
wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 21:43

She needs to get out as she is in an abusive relationship. The same one she has been on here about before.
There is far more to this than we are reading.....
The children should very much be an afterthought in that they are safe and looked after as they have been for the last seven years. Latching on to them in this time of crisis is not showing ss or anyone else you are prioritising them.
Get out and focus on you..

Thankgodforthat · 28/12/2015 21:53

I don't think op is in a position to be fighting for her children. Why are people focusing on that? How can we judge what is best for her dc? Obviously social services think the children are best off with op's parents, probably long term if they have been there four years already. I would have thought it would be a very long process to have the children back one day if ever.

Op knows she has to concentrate on leaving this relationship first, step by step, if she can.

She would have known at the time her children were removed what she had to do to keep them and for whatever reason/s she couldn't.

wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 21:53

And I ask again.... Income how?
So many unanswered questions....

Thankgodforthat · 28/12/2015 21:53

Seven years is it?

wonkylampshade · 28/12/2015 21:59

Her income source is just not relevant.

wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 22:09

Why is it not? Its building a plan to live.

Shutthatdoor · 28/12/2015 22:11

How old is your partners dad OP?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/12/2015 22:12

You're very fixated on women's aid giving you good advice and a safety plan. We can do that. We already have! You need to blow his threats wide open. You need to tell your family what he has threatened so that they know to be on alert, you need to get police markers put on both your addresses. You need to pack your essentials and leave the house while he is out and report his threate to the police. You need legal advice to determine what happens about the house, or if it's social housing you need to inform your landlord about this and that you are leaving because of domestic abuse.
There is so much good advice on here, women's aid will repeat it. So make a plan.

TheSecondViola · 28/12/2015 22:20

Why do you keep saying that hopefully women's aid will give you good advice? They have done. More than once. They have offered assistance which you turned down because they wouldn't take your dog as well.
What different advice are you expecting?

LivingInTheShadows · 28/12/2015 22:37

OP had a chance to get out of this domestic abuse relationship when SS intervened to take her DC off her. There would have been a thorough examination of her circumstances then. Why did she not tell anyone? She had family but was too embarrassed to tell them? If having a newborn ripped out of her arms was not embarrassing enough and enough of a motivator to make her 'get out', I can't see what will be. Ahh, he ruined her Christmas - the final straw.

She stated that the boyfriend was violent years ago but is not now, although issues empty threats that he will be. He 'allows' her to go to her parents every day and takes her to his parents (although his father lives with them Hmm). She is alone while he is at work. She has enough of her own income to support her 3 DC even though she doesn't work.

This is very discombobulating.

Most DV victims posting here have no family support, no money and will fight to the ends of the earth to keep their DC safe.

She is on a hiding to nothing if she thinks she will get her DC back living with her after FOUR years, in which time she has done nothing to get them back, even just the small thing of getting rid of a shitty boyfriend who doesn't give a shit about his own kids.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 22:42

If you have nothing nice to say i suggest you don't comment on the thread

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 22:44

Well said living....

wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 22:46

What 'nice' things do you want said....
You avoid questions
You don't tell the full story
And repeat.

firesidechat · 28/12/2015 22:46

So is 2015BeGone a friend op? Someone you have confided in in real life and someone who can help you, when we are obviously failing.

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