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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 28/12/2015 20:46

Can your social worker help?

camelfinger · 28/12/2015 20:47

Some years ago, when under extreme stress following a bereavement, my DH began to repeat himself constantly, sending me almost duplicate texts several times over. One of the themes seemed to be about needing to do something, but not actually doing it. I found it extremely frustrating at the time but now strongly regret having those feelings.

I'm sorry to read about the terrible situation that you're in, OP. I hope that you're able to pick out the excellent advice on this thread and leave your partner as soon as you can.

MoominPie22 · 28/12/2015 20:58

Hmmm, this is a strange thread. Clarky you have my deepest sympathies for being in a very shit-scary and difficult situation. But I'm glad you're gonna take action by going to W.A tomorrow. Was there a "final straw" moment to galvanize you into action after several years?

I can understand why some posters are getting frustrated, though being abusive and insulting is bang out of order obviously. I notice you are not answering the question re if you have special needs. And just like the "Why else were your kids taken from you?" question, you are not at liberty to answer as it's nobody's damn business. You need only disclose what you feel comfortable disclosing....

I think people were wondering about special needs due to the robotic, repetitive nature of your posts. Personally, I thought perhaps you were on medication? You were saying you'd chat to W.A every half a minute for about 6 consecutive posts, several posts back. And you tend not to elaborate and give vague 1 sentence posts, repeating parrot-fashion or re-wording the same statement. I'm not intending to insult you, I'm merely saying this is a very strange way of posting and articulating yourself. So possibly your style of communicating is getting people's backs up, aside from other things. I've not read your other threads btw....

I really hope this time you find it within you to be brave and utilize the help and support that is out there. Services that are set up exactly for people like you in your predicament. Please come back on and let us know how you get on at W.A tomorrow. We are all strangers on here but that doesn't mean we don't give a damn about your welfare and we want to give you moral and support and practical advice. That is what we are here for, not as somewhere to hang out and "chat" with others in abusive relationships. I really hope this time is different for you. We are all behind you Flowers

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:06

Hi Nottoday yes i am working towards getting my children back

OP posts:
ImtheChristmasCarcass · 28/12/2015 21:09

But Clarkey, surely you realize that you shouldn't have your children with you whilst you are living with this man? It isn't safe nor healthy for them. In order to get them back surely you'll have to be away from him. If you were my daughter and I was raising your children I can guarantee that it'd be a cold day in hell before I let you take them into your home. And if SS is involved I'm sure they'll insist on the same thing; that you be living elsewhere.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:09

Thanks camelfinger as said before yes i am going to Womans aid tomorrow and hopefully they will give me all the right advice and information to leave safely because i don't know if he will carry out his threats or not.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 21:12

Come on people..... Really.....
Op needs to get better herself and by these posts that could take a long time.
I hope she truly does a selfless thing and leaves those poor children where they are as this is like watching a car crash in slow motion. I am not being nasty or cruel but it's excuse after excuse....
We all know how womens aid works- its not a drop in and get out clause service. It's the vagueness of the thread that irriatates me. Where is your fight? And seven Years?
I don't feel the passion, the need for change.
Be motherly and leave them be. Fix yourself.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:12

Hi ImTheChristmas when i leave this man i will walk towards getting my children back but won't have them while still with my partner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:14

With the help of Womans aid i can leave the relationship and work on getting my children back and away from this abusive man and relationship.

OP posts:
lougle · 28/12/2015 21:15

Clarkey, if your family were willing to relocate with you, to a place where your
partner can't find you, would you be able to have your children back in your sole care? Or would they still need to live with your parents?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:16

If i get away from this man and relationship then i will eventually get my children back.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 28/12/2015 21:16

OP - is there a reason why you don't work? You will obviously need an income to support yourself and your DC's.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:17

I haven't worked since having my children

OP posts:
LivingInTheShadows · 28/12/2015 21:17

Clarkey Is your boyfriend still at work? May be a bit risky posting while he's around?

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 28/12/2015 21:17

That's good. I'm sure that's a big incentive for you to leave. I hope you get the information you need from WA.

Remember also, that your parents are going to want to help you. Talk to them.

Dipankrispaneven · 28/12/2015 21:22

Clarky, his threats are just words: if you get protection in place from the police there is nothing he can do to carry them out. If necessary, they can relocate you and your family and sort out new identities. Please make sure you go to WA as soon as he goes out to work tomorrow.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:23

All i want now is the help to get my children back and away from this abusive man and relationship.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 28/12/2015 21:26

Are you now prepared to involve the police?

wonkylampshade · 28/12/2015 21:26

Clarkey, my sister was once in a relationship with a frightening, abusive man.

Thank god they did not have DC, but his violence and threats meant she was almost living in a parallel universe of fear, confusion and trepidation. I watched my beautiful, strong, sparky little sister turn into someone I didn't recognise - she was impossible to reason with. All her 'fight', her 'passion' went over time. She was listless and mentally fragile - none of us could get through to her. It was almost as though there was a spell on her. We called the police for advice in desperation and when they knew who she was living with, they urged us to get her to formulate a safety plan in case she ever needed to disappear. It terrified me at the time because it really brought home how dangerous he was.

You know you have to get yourself out of this situation, so you're not as worn down as she was - you are saying it over and over again. That's a positive thing - you know what you have to do. Please please do call WA tomorrow as soon as he goes to work. If you really want to do this, there are helping hands everywhere, but you are the only one who can reach out and take hold of them.

Lndnmummy · 28/12/2015 21:26

Clarkey, I am rooting for you and that you get the help that you need. X

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:26

Hi Dip yes i will get the help from Womans aid and hopefully leave the relationship and him safely.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 28/12/2015 21:27

How are you going to support them?.
Leave him and work on your mental health and well being.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:28

Hi Lnd thank you very much

OP posts:
wonkylampshade · 28/12/2015 21:28

I promise, there is help out there for you - you don't have to live the rest of your life like this.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 21:29

I do have an income at the moment so that won't be a problem supporting my children.

OP posts:
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