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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
wonkylampshade · 28/12/2015 19:48

Hi Clarkey, what time does he go to work in the morning? Are you able to call the police and Women's Aid then?

As other posters have asked- do you have any additional needs? If not, can you explain a bit about how he is making you feel?

To the pps who are getting frustrated with the op: you are showing yourselves up, and some of what you are writing is disgusting to read. Leave her alone and step away from the thread if you have nothing kinder to say. Hurling abuse and insults is just contemptible.

MrTCakes · 28/12/2015 19:48

Have you considered having a chat with WomensAid?

wonkylampshade · 28/12/2015 19:50

Hear, hear Dione.

Shutthatdoor · 28/12/2015 19:51

Have you considered having a chat with WomensAid?

RTFT

LivingInTheShadows · 28/12/2015 19:52

If this is real, I would hazard a guess that the OP has either LD's that prevented her caring for her DC (partner maybe too) or has an alcohol problem which led to neglect. Obviously SS do not feel that her DC are at direct risk from her or her boyfriend or they would not have placed them with close relatives and allow her/boyfriend unrestricted visitation.

The OP's parents collect her and take her to their house everyday which suggests that they are very much aware of her issues.

OP if you have LD's, which are nothing to be ashamed of and would explain your repetitive posts, it will be very difficult to leave this 'domestic abuse relationship' especially if it is all you have known. It will be much harder for you to 'chat' and seek the advice and support that you need. You absolutely must tell your parents or call 101 asking for help and explaining your situation. You could do that from your parent's house?

Or alternatively - GET OFF HERE AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK! Schools back next week you know.

NerrSnerr · 28/12/2015 19:52

There is clearly much more that isn't written on this thread. The op has said there is more than just her partner why the children don't live with her. Most people would do anything to get their children back but the op hasn't. She's never called the police etc. Either she can't get them back or for whatever reason doesn't really want them back.

Quornmakesmefart · 28/12/2015 19:55

op if 'women's Aid' is open anytime and you don't need an appointment, why wait until tomorrow?

I dont think I can add anything more to the thread, but I wish you well and hope that you follow this through tomorrow.

Wombatinabathhat · 28/12/2015 19:56

Agree with TripTrap

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 19:57

Making fun of people on a thread like this is absolutely disgusting and wouldn't advice people to use mums net to be spoken to the way you have replied to this post

OP posts:
user7755 · 28/12/2015 19:57

Shutthatdoor - I think MrT's comment was tongue in cheek

Baressentials · 28/12/2015 19:58

OP what is your plan of action tomorrow?

spanky2 · 28/12/2015 19:59

Hire a storage container and sneak out afew belongings at a time so he doesn't notice. Go to the bank and set up a new account with a PO box address. When you're in your new place make sure you are not on the public lists for voting etc. Make a new fb account and if you get your dcs back make sure the schools don't publish their names or pictures. Only tell trusted people your new address. I had to do some of this to protect my family from my abusive parents.
How low do you have to be to hit rock bottom? Where is the line between abuse and murder?
If you are not strong enough, get therapy to build up your self esteem.

Funinthesun15 · 28/12/2015 20:01

Making fun of people on a thread

No one is making fun but posters are getting frustrated as you don't appear to be listening.

Waltermittythesequel · 28/12/2015 20:12

This reply has been deleted

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Shakey15000 · 28/12/2015 20:14

I still don't understand why the children are with the parents? Or, at least why the parents think they have them?

I've read both threads and understand there to be no MH issues, no substance misuse and OP doesn't want parents to know about DV/ DA? Confused

Can anyone shed any light?

pocketsaviour · 28/12/2015 20:15

Really disappointed in some people's attitudes here.

OP isn't immediately dropping anything and walking out the door - from a man she is terrified of, who has threatened to hurt her family - so people decide she is "taking the piss" - really? Come on people.

It takes an average of 13 attempts for someone to leave an abusive relationship. OP is on here looking for support. She does not owe anyone an immediate response of leaping out the window and into a refuge. She also does not owe anyone here the full back story of why her DC are not with her, if she does not want to tell.

There is a thread of shame through OP's posts - she is ashamed to tell her parents the full extent of the relationship, she is ashamed that her DC aren't with her, she is ashamed to tell anyone why.

Further shaming is not helpful.

Clarkey I'm sorry you have had a hard time. I really hope you can go to WA tomorrow and be very clear with them that you need help to leave and that you cannot delay. I know you are concerned about your dog but ultimately you may need to leave him there for a while until you can arrange other care. Or please send a message to the person a few pages back who offered to help foster him.

Thankgodforthat · 28/12/2015 20:18

Telling a woman who is struggling to leave an abusive relationship that they are 'full of shit' is appalling.

Waltermittythesequel · 28/12/2015 20:21

This reply has been deleted

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Bubblesinthesummer · 28/12/2015 20:24

I still don't understand why the children are with the parents? Or, at least why the parents think they have them?

OP hasn't said other than it wasn't all because of her partner and that they were removed 4 years ago when the youngest was a newborn.

MrsFring · 28/12/2015 20:26

This reads like the most spiteful type of playground bullying. This woman is clearly extremely vulnerable; last year a poster in a similar situation died at the hands of her partner if I remember correctly. Not a situation to engage in with wisecracks or schadenfreude.

MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 28/12/2015 20:30

Evening,
We have had quite a few reports about this thread, thanks to those who got in touch. We must ask people not to troll hunt, it's against our guidelines and very much against the spirit of the site.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 28/12/2015 20:33

Your partners father lives with you and he is abusive to him also.

How old is is his father?

Lookatyourwatchnow · 28/12/2015 20:36

OP, nobody on this thread is bullying or being abusive to you. Posters are frustrated because you have abused your children over a lengthy period of time by neglecting to put their needs first. You continue to disregard their needs. I know how much advice and support is offered to parents before a decision is made to remove their children and within the court proceedings that follow. You will have been given chance after chance to leave your partner and have your children in your care. You've had 4 years of chances since and haven't taken them. Go ahead and chat to Women's Aid about whether you should stay in a relationship with your DP as you put it. If you don't know the answer by now, it's never going to happen. Take umbrage all you want to bring called selfish. You are selfish. And in response to your post, yes I was in a violent relationship. I left, with DC. And called the police. Without DC having to be removed from me for me to act as a reasonable protective parent.

2015BeGone · 28/12/2015 20:36

I can't say how I know this, but the OP is 100% genuine and things are as she says. I've NC specifically to make this post, please be kind to her as life is not much fun for her at the moment. Yes it is frustrating to read, I get that, but just keep talking to her and being compassionate. She knows she has to leave and being aggressive and name calling will not make that any more likely to happen. Horrendous situation that needs treating with care.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 28/12/2015 20:40

OP how do you plan to get your DC back?

Maybe thinking about that will help you leave.

Are you working on the reasons why they were removed? (You say your partner is only part of the problem)

Could you and your partners dad both leave as he is abusing you both?

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