DRY 10!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

Welcome! This is the thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol. We are all at different stages of our journey, and many of us have some hiccups along the way, but we are committed to an exciting, fulfilling, joyful life alcohol-free.

Previous thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2485290-DRY-9?pg=1

Everyone is welcome!

So since joining this thread I have been alternating a 'dry' day with a day with wine, seems to be going okay and plan to go to 2 dry to one with wine this week. Not sure what others views are on this? I have been thinking a lot about what makes me drink and think it's a psychological addiction. Stopping completely although the long term aim feels too scarey, but for 2 days at a time, then 3,4,5, etc. feels achievable. I have noticed the excuses I use...it's a celebration, I've had a hard day, it's nice to chat to my DH over a glass of wine..... Of course it is possible to do/manage all these things without alcohol, I just need to find alternatives!

chocolate well done for cutting down!
From my own personal experience I found it easier to just go for it. After 3 days it actually became the norm not to drink in the evenings. It doesn't mean that some days I don't obsess about it. But it was fairly easy to not drink in the evenings.

Well done Chocolate. It's definitely a psychological addiction if you feel that you have to drink; unless you're drinking very heavily on a daily basis in which case it can also be a physical dependence. Although tapering is recommended for those who may be physically addicted (here's an example schedule), I'd be wary of spending too long in that cycle, because it seems to me what you are actually doing is making the alcohol seem more and more precious, as it becomes more and more scarce. The days in between drinking spent with you largely keeping one eye on your diary to see how long it is before you are "allowed" to drink again.

I totally agree with dona in that it's easier to just go for it. The most important thing you can do is to try to change your mindset so that you start to see life without alcohol as a blessed relief and as freedom, rather than the misery in between the happiness.

I don't know if you have read through the thread chocolate but you will see amongst our trips, wobbles and falls is that when we have managed a good stint at sobriety life really is better than you can imagine.
i have had to completely change my routine. For some of us its exercise, others AA. Some have taken up craft. Its quite difficult when you don't change anything and sit there thinking about drinking. Heck I think about it all the time and I am absolutely beasting the gym!
Is there anything you have wanted to do but alcohol has prevented?
There is a whole world out there. I'm also amazed at how many non drinkers I have met. Before I gravitated towards the winos. Good luck and if it helps keep posting.

Chocolatemousegirl, those are precisely my excuses too. I've had an adult lifetime of celebrations, rewards and frankly bloody great times chatting over a glass of something. It's so hard to change that way of life.

You've made me realise that I haven't really got a back-up plan for when I have to have one of those occasions again. January has been dull and work-heavy so far, nothing to celebrate and no fun times. I guess I'll very firmly say "No, I'm not drinking, but a fizzy water would be nice" - people do it all the time (I know a lot of non-drinkers) - it's just not my thing YET.

Just checking in with you all. Day 6 here (again). I feel good - although SO SO SO SO SO TIRED!! I don't think I could ever get enough sleep to not feel tired. The tiredness is in my bones, somehow. I suppose booze has loads of sugar in it and gives some fake energy or something.

Great way of putting it, teapot: "try to change your mindset so that you start to see life without alcohol as a blessed relief and as freedom"

^^ this!!

Keep going Preces - the tiredness does get better, I promise.

I had a realisation the other day - that when a normal drinker has their first drink, they probably experience not much other than the instant gratification/ sense of relaxing. Perhaps they'll have another, but maybe they won't. Whereas when I had my first drink, not only did I experience that, but something else would be woken up by it as well... the urge to drink more quickly than most, the looking ahead to the next drink, calculating when that would be and if I'd have enough and if I didn't think I'd have enough how could I engineer getting more without it being conspicuous that I needed it more than the others...etc etc.

Very sad day today re. David Bowie, who was of course many years sober. I walked into a local cafe this morning and burst into tears when I heard Bowie playing on their stereo... the girl behind the counter didn't know what to make of me..! I then read this article about how he inspired a make up artist to get sober. Also read about Boy George, including the following quotes, which I just love:

“I remember one of the things I said to myself was, 'If you’re going to be Boy George, you might as well be the best Boy George you can be,’” George recalls of the breakthrough moment when he finally decided to get sober. "I got sober in 2008. March 2, 2008; I know the date,” he says. “I always think of that date as the day that I became sane. I kind of planned to be sane at 40, but it took seven more years of research for me to reach a point where I was like, 'OK, this is not working. I need to not do this anymore.’ I kind of woke up one morning and thought, 'This isn’t going to get better.’

"In recovery, we talk about rock bottoms. And everyone has their own rock bottom; sometimes it can be really mundane. In my case, a lot of really terrible things happened to me and they didn’t seem to make any difference. For me, it was literally just one morning waking up and just having this overwhelming feeling that I was really unhappy and I needed to do something about it, that this was not my life… Like the Talking Heads song: 'This is not my beautiful life.’ Literally!”

"This is not my beautiful life" pretty much sums up how I felt at the point at which I decided to stop drinking.

Teapot me too on the level of shock and upset about David Bowie
Welcome chocolate :)

teapot I had so so many rock bottoms. You'd have thought one of those would be enough. As I posted before I just got tired of not being present in my own life. Tired of feeling tired.
I have been listening to DB today.

Yes I got tired of being so powerless over my own life. I am in such control of the rest of my life but couldn't control drinking.

Thanks donajimena it's good to have found a supportive thread.. has anyone read Allen Carrs, The Easy Way to Stop Drinking?

I've read Allen Carr and it worked. It was like teapot said up thread-made me see not drinking as a blessed relief.

Hi all, got through the weekend relatively easily. Friday was a breeze, Saturday was quite hard as husband had just got back from a work trip and three days of boozing and I did have a moment of "he's been boozing all week, I have been good I can afford to have one night a week of drinking" but I didn't do it. Yesterday however was a nightmare... I love a Sunday early evening drink, I like nothing more than cooking a roast and pottering in the kitchen and flitting between dining room (laptop) and kitchen, mumsnetting, facebooking, drinking and cooking. I probably shouldn't have cooked a roast but I do love it on a Sunday particularly if it's cold and I have been out riding and walking all day. I managed to get past it but it took a long time and a LOT of resolve to get me through it. Today - not even thought about it! go figure... :)

Hi Zumbarunswim - nothings worked before for me. I've tried will power, AA - and I've always cracked. 6 weeks is the longest I've been sober (with exceptions for pregnancies) and that was when I had a T-total boyfriend - and it was really hard! I hated it and then binged massively.

Then I read a book and yes it has worked - but am skeptical for how long it will last.

I've been a drinker since aged 12 - 23 years of on and off binging, blackouts and riotous behaviour - feels good to be free.

I still can't imagine a life without the booze, but am taking each day as it comes and really enjoying being hangover free. 23 years of drinking and I become an anxious mess.

Loubilou09 - I was the same - loved cooking with a glass of wine.. I've actually stopped eating meat as meat and alcohol go hand in hand for me.

Thanks Teapot and donajimena for your wise words, they make a lot of sense. don't think it is a physical addiction, although having read the link I will be on the look out!! The idea that by drinking less it becomes somehow more special is helpful, as I can see how that might happen. I also like the idea of completely changing routine to reduce triggers for drinking. SO tomorrow I will stop completely. Might need to post a lot to cope!!! Thanks for the wonderful support and insights

The Allen Carr 'method' works well for a lot of people although I don't think he has all the answers. I used AC when I gave up smoking years ago (read the book and went to the seminar) and decided to go to the AC seminar to try to stop drinking too. I went in with a massive hangover, hating myself all day for not being 'with it' and worrying I therefore wouldn't be taking it all in. Most people there (about 25 of us) had similar stories and only one man self-identified as an alcoholic at the start of the day. We had been asked to say how we would describe our drinking... 'problem drinker'... 'binge drinker'... etc.

The man who said he was an alcoholic left at lunchtime and never came back, which felt very desolate and sad, I wished he had been able to stay. I haven't had a drink since that session (535 days ago ) and if you'd said to me back then that I'd be here now having not drunk for that long I am not sure I would have believed you.

Most of my 'rock bottom' stories were a long time ago, before I had children. I felt as though having children (and then being a single parent) forced me to put a lid on my 'mad party days', but that it wasn't that the desire had gone away, more that it had been shoved in a small box. I really identify with what Boy George said, that the bad consequences were never enough to make him want to stop. Even two or three months before I stopped I would have been horrified if anyone had suggested I should stop because I didn't even think I had a problem. Although I'm not religious, I now believe I had something of a spiritual awakening the day a voice whispered to me that perhaps alcohol was the reason my life felt so stuck and that if I gave it up, who knew what might happen...!

Teapot this is not my beautiful life aw that hit home x

Preces I'm with you on being SO tired, feels like my body is making up for all those early morning hours spent lying in bed wired instead of getting proper sleep 😯

Loubilou big pat on the back for getting through the weekend yeeey x

Im feeling ok about not being a piss pot tonight. I have 2 bottles of wine left over from christmas which i cant quite bring myself to chuck away yet so i put them in a box on a shelf high up at the back of my garage today. I know if i get the urge i will have to face the cobwebs and spiders in my dark spooky garage to get to them. It would be like an 'Im a celebrity' jungle challenge. The things we do eh lol!

Hi Teapot - wow 535 days - well done! You sound at a similar stage to me - most of my rock bottom stories were before I had kids - so 5 years ago now.

Do you go to AA or anything? Plus why did you stop if a few months before you sopped you didn't think you had a drink problem?

I totally agree with the fact your life gets stuck when drinking - I'm really looking forward to this year; a year not having to be constantly struggling with horrible hangovers and wondering who I should be apologising to.

Generally since becoming a mum I've managed to hold it down, however my alcoholic monster (if I get drunk and go a bit nuts - not violent, just mischievous and crazy) is still there and I've had maybe 4 or 5 major slip ups in this time - which is 4 or 5 too many.

It's dangerous when you can just stop for phases

story basically describes my life pre motherhood - not to a T - I never woke up having sex with a stranger, but definitely blackouts etc… my drinking is super dangerous, as to everyone around me I can still function - however those who know me say when I am in this state my eyes are glazed over and no one is home - and of course I am in a blackout.

I forgot to say - I was thinking to not say anything to anyone about giving up drinking.. for at least a year. I find it's just too much pressure and everyone will ask why.

How has everyone else tackled this? I drive, so thats quite a good excuse.

*This story
www.theguardian.com/society/2015/jun/13/my-drinking-years-everyone-has-blackouts-dont-they

misscookie, I have told people that I'm not drinking any more. I haven't shouted it to all and sundry, mind you, but I have told people who care about me. I find it is easier because then I don't have to fill my brain with more "thinking about drinking"; they don't offer me a drink, I'm not tempted, I don't have to make up excuses about antibiotics or driving or an early start.

Such an interesting article. Thanks for sharing it. This part struck a chord with me . . .

"I needed alcohol to drink away the things that plagued me. Not just my doubts about sex – my self-consciousness, my loneliness, my insecurities, my fears. I drank away all the parts that made me human, in other words, and I knew this was wrong."

I think that'll be another book on my list (Blackout by Sarah Hepola, for peeps who haven't clicked the link).

Mornig all. Just checking in. Still so much going on i my life that I am reading MN when I get a chance, not posting so much. But am now DRY again. :) And ti is wonderful. Makes things easier to handle and my sleep is better.

Love to everyone.:)

Oh... 're-tuning' myself with the Alan Carr hypnotherapy cd is helping. Great tool.

So good to see everyone here and read the positive stories.

misscookie I haven't been out with my drinking buddies but I have told people the truth in that I'm not drinking alcohol because it has started to make me feel really really crap. I have said no matter how little I had it makes me feel awful.
So no grand announcement or explanation about a 'problem' but no lie either.
I know some of my big drinking friends will try and persuade me to have 'the one' but I plan to give a tinkly little laugh and say that with me there is no such thing as one!