DRY 10!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

Welcome! This is the thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol. We are all at different stages of our journey, and many of us have some hiccups along the way, but we are committed to an exciting, fulfilling, joyful life alcohol-free.

Previous thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2485290-DRY-9?pg=1

Everyone is welcome!

Evening everyone. Good to see the thread so busy...

Marry I do that all the time, the 'play the tape to the end' technique is useful for stripping back drinking to what it really is and not what we think it is in the blink of a craving. It's not just that soothing, relaxing first glass which has us feeling like we've sunk into our favourite armchair - it's the following however-many, the stupid messages on Facebook, waking at 3am feeling like the most dehydrated twat ever and lying awake for a couple of hours clinging to the bed for dear life and willing sleep to come again, before then being woken at whatever time by the kids and hating them for depriving you of the sleep you need to feel better even though no amount of sleep ever does... etc etc.

I've been feeling all over the place this past week, struggling to get the kids back into a routine, stressed about various money-related things and all sorts of Life Admin I need to deal with but very much am not dealing with.

Ho hum..

Re. the weight loss... I actually put weight on when I stopped as I definitely started eating more to compensate, including sweet things as and when I felt like it... something I never would have done whilst drinking. I decided not to worry about it for a while but once I was a few months in started tackling the weight too and have now lost about 3 stone. It's a tricky one because for me the issues are quite closely linked, and I'm now realising I'm a bit of an addictive eater as well as addictive drinker.

Can I join. I'm hoping this can be my day 1. Sitting here at 5 in the morning having another bout of the horrors. I just don't know how to stop the wheel of destruction turning. I gave up 1 year ago with the determination of steel to have a much wanted second baby. Since the baby has been born I am back to my old ways. I am feeling like the most deceitful awful person. No one has a clue what I am doing and I can hide it so well. Vodka is my poison and neat from the bottle which I cannot understand as I take absolutely no enjoyment from it. I just cannot understand my bizarre hateful behaviour. This behaviour has been going on for years to the point where I can absolutely hide the effects but still the next day all my memories are vague and hazy. No one has a clue and I don't appear drunk or even impaired save for the fact I fall asleep early which I can hide again by excuse of the new baby. Then in the middle of the night I am awake in the horrors of self loathing and hatred. I keep thinking my liver is just going to pack in one of these days or worse I am not going to be able to care for my children or something will happen because I am impaired. . I cannot tell my husband as he actually does not know what is going on and it would destroy him. I know I can do this I just don't know where inside of me to find the tool to do it like I did before. A motivational tool to make me stop. I feel so trapped in my own world of self made destruction. My life outside of the drink is good and right and I have nothing to blame or complain about. All I need is to find that willpower I had this time one year ago to stop and stay stopped. Please can you give me some guidance so I can stop the madness and learn to live like a normal person again.

Hi Claricestarling! The morning horrors are absolutely awful and were one of the biggest factors in why I stopped drinking. I truly think I would be suicidal if it had continued.

How much are you drinking, and what time of day? When did it start? Have you told anyone else about what's happening?

I feel for you. We have a horrible, life destroying disease, you and I. That's what alcohol dependency is - a disease.

Sorry, back again after a v early start with the youngest little one!

I'm no expert but, if you're saying that you have very little control over your drinking then willpower alone won't fix this. It just won't. I think you have a few options - GP support, telling your husband, AA.
I absolutely knew I couldn't stop without help and went to AA, and the relief of life without booze, drinking, hangovers, self loathing and then more drinking, is fantastic. You can beat this, but will need help. Hang in there, keep talking.

If I was to be hornet this destructive drinking started in my late 20s so over 10 years ago but it has become more pronounced fed in recent years simply in the way I drink. I used to drink wine but in the last number of years is spirits. As I said I gave up completely this time last year and had no difficulty in abstaining as I desperately wanted a baby and that motivation was enough to get me through. It had such a strong push to give up that I was able to do. But as soon as I had the baby and had stated to take the odd drink then it stTred again. I would say about 3 times a week and I would drink about a quarter of a bottle of vodka at each of those times. I don't get outwardly drunk although I know my actions are improved. I am desperate to stop. Outwardly you just wouldn't have a clue. Inside I am in tormoil

I couldn't go to AA without telling my husband as I have two young children and telling my husband will break him because my whole life has been a series of issues that he has had to pull me out of.

Tell me what do you do when the urge sets to take a hold. What steps can you advise to just get me over that as I know if I can just beat that initial pull I can do it.

Hi clarice and welcome. So are you a daily or 3 times a week drinker?
Don't worry you can do this. It does take a bit of work. But you can absolutely do this.

Hi Clarice and welcome. You don't have to go to AA and at that level of drinking, it doesn't sound to me as though you have to go to your GP either as it doesn't sound as though you have a level of drinking that suggests you are physically dependent.

Know that the reason you find it so hard to resist the lure of the bottle is because you are psychologically addicted. Alcohol is addictive, so don't beat yourself up about it - we are not weak for becoming addicted to something that is by its very nature, addictive. Wine was my poison, mostly, but I had a phase of switching to vodka thinking it would be 'cleaner' and was also drinking 1/4 bottle a night... (oh but darling it was vanilla Absolut and I was drinking it with sparkling water, how very sophisticated and low carb of me ).

I think it's amazing that you have posted here today and although I know it'll be hard because you are full of the morning-after horrors, please try to tell yourself that - you have done a fantastic thing today and it's not even 9.30am

In time you may find it easier to confide in your DH but for now it may help you to spend some time reading about other people who have managed to stop. There is a whole world of sober blogs, forums, communities online of women just like you who have managed to stop and happily so. Have a look at Soberistas where you can write a daily blog - I found it an excellent help in the early days, and there's a chat room if you need immediate support. Living Sober is MrsD's website. MrsD started a blog and, IIRC, stopped drinking without telling her husband. She also has a book 'Mrs D Is Going Without' which I enjoyed.

Don't beat yourself up about any of this. You're at the beginning of being able to change yourself and you can do it.

Welcome Clarice. Hold onto the knowledge that if you stopped drinking last year for a long time, you can stop drinking again now. Also, the fact that you know within yourself that you cannot continue drinking like this will enable you to succeed. I had several years of my DH and DC wishing I would give up but until I owned the problem and wanted it for myself I couldn't sustain my sobriety. It took me a long time to grasp that I cannot drink normally therefore I shouldn't drink at all. It sounds like you have owned the problem, and you have admitted it on here to us, to boot. Real progress already!

I would second reading as much as you can around drinking and sobriety. it very much helps me.

Also, make sure you look after yourself. I was viewing drinking as "my little treat". It is, of course no such thing at all. Not at all. Be self-indulgent about having sober treats available, whether that is lovely bath smellies, chocolate, a bunch of flowers, biscuits, smoothies, lovely sparkling soft drinks, or whatever works for you. I buy bags of fudge and hide them about the house so that I am never far away from something that I really enjoy when I get a craving. Don't worry about the calories or the dental caries at this point!

Welcome Clarice :) Good advice from all the other lovely ladies. How do you feel about a conversation with your GP as they may be able to prescribe something to help with the early days? Otherwise as the others said read sober blogs and communities - there is lots of advice out there!

Clarice, it's such an addled time with a baby around. I'm not surprised you're having a tough time. You stopped for a year and that is frankly amazing!

So after Friday night having been hard hard hard, Saturday night saw me get to 11pm and go 'oh, I haven't thought about having a drink'.

I guess it really is one day at a time, isn't it?

Apologies for all the typos. It's hard to be clandestine when my father husband and two children are milling around all day. Why is it that now I am filled with resolve and I know I will be the same tomorrow but as the week goes on I forget the demons in my head and off I go again. I do not know to this day what motivates me to swig out of a vodka bottle when I get any opportunity. It is hateful disgusting behaviour. My husband was only remarking today in a passing comment that I hadn't drank in so long ie having the baby etc. I am sitting there thinking if only he know that I can get through 3/4 bottle of vodka in a week.
Triggers to identify are stress and opportunity and those are things I have to eliminate. iWork full time usually but am currently on MT which offers more opportunity. I so admire the ladies on here who have gone months and years and had the resilience to keep going. I can't go my go to my go as she the mother of my child's friend who spends time in the house. Her father is the other go in the practice so that conversation is out. I thought of aa but don't know how I could get to a meeting without pretending I am doing something else to my husband. He is a good and kind man and I love him so much. If he knew what I have been doing and potentially putting my children at risk by being under the influence while looking after them he would be distraught.

I am not religious but I feel in my head like saying 'someone, anyone give me the strength to do this'. Thank you so much for the responses. I hope some day I can offer this support to someone in the same boat.

Clarise please be kind to yourself as for me negative self-talk just fueled the desire to drink so I could escape and forget . You can attend AA meetings online if you are unable to get out to a meeting :)

Clarise I wrote a long post this morning in reply to you but it has not posted :( Sorry :( Just wanted to say you are in a good place here to get support and keep on posting! And yes, be kind to yourself ...

Just re reading all the previous Dry threads since I joined last year :) Reading them all now :) Also found I can drink a Becks Blue with no apparent gluten ill effects (although they may turn up tomorrow - we shall see) If I can drink the odd BB, that would be great :) As I can then socialise a bit again with a drink in my hand if I need to :)

Also downloaded AA app which has the Daily Readings and lots more :)

I am having a pity party but please can someone give me a kick up the backside and tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself? I have read this thread for ages and admired everyone's journeys, but not actively done anything. My dry January has been 3 days out of 9. I have no excuse. I so much prefer to sleep badly but wake up without a hangover, but it's one excuse to open a bottle after another. My old dog just died: I'm going through a divorce where the solicitors are getting rich but it's going nowhere fast: my kids hate me but love their dad who buys them stuff: my beloved partner has been through a difficult time battling cancer and, although cured, I still am frozen with fear that it will come back. I don't need to drink but can't get past doing 5 days at most. I can't remember having a long spate of alcohol free days since my kids were small and that is 20 years ago. I'm the middle class, at home, bottle of wine a night person and if I don't stop, it'll kill me. I want to be clear headed. I don't want to do this anymore.

Welcome Whattodo. I recognise my story in yours and felt that way too. I stopped 18 months into an extremely acrimonious divorce (I'd be surprised if our joint legal costs hadn't tipped into the six figures by now ) - we're still not divorced but I'm so glad I'm dealing with what comes my way with a relatively clear head.

It's so easy to make ourselves feel as though we don't have a problem when we're the m/c, bottle-of-wine-a-night type. I convinced myself of same by buying more and more expensive wine as if to prove the point.

It's a fantastic start that you have recognised that you want to stop. You can do it, I recommend reading books like Allen Carr's How to Control Drinking and Jason Vale's Kick the Drink easily, along with blogs like those I mentioned earlier today. Also listening to the Bubble Hour - there are some excellent episodes which are worth a listen: Lisa's story... Am I Or Aren't I?... What to put in your recovery toolbox... for a start. I found it so helpful to listen and read other people's stories and a crucial part for me was when I realised that I no longer viewed them as different to me and started to realise our stories were all the same underneath surface details.

Whattodowithit Welcome :) I don't think you need a kick up the backside - more an unMN hug & encouragement to be kind to yourself You have a huge amount of things going on there and it is easy to see why you would seek solace in wine. I found that if I gave myself a hard time I just wanted to drink more! So have you opened a bottle tonight? If yes, okay well start tomorrow. If no, can you go take a long bath and have a cup of tea and go to bed early?

I hope, once I've dealt with the dog ashes tomorrow, I'll put on some big girl pants, and come back for some active support to live a sober life without excuses. Thank you x

Totally agree re. not beating yourself up. I too have realised that self-flagellation does not make me more likely to change and "do better"... it just compounds my misery and makes me feel more stuck. Forgive yourself, and at the very least know that by being easy on yourself you're more likely to succeed!

Big girl pants not required around here but we do offer lots of support I spent years making excuses for my drinking - tomorrow is a new day x

Hi All.

I have been sober now for 10 days. I am doing well, but have wobbles so thought it would be good to join the thread for support

misscookie hello! I wobble too. Posting here helps massively.
How are you feeling when not wobbling?

10 days is fantastic btw!

Evening all ☺ welcome clarise welcome whattodo welcome misscookie xxx

Just had a scroll through recent messages, can i just say what a lovely bunch you all are! Maybe there's a connection between being caring and this goddam 'affliction'? I wonder...

So pleased you have found your way here (im new here too), u can be open and honest here, its a huge RELIEF! And for me its becoming a big part of me looking in the mirror, seeing 'it' for what it really is and starting to take back control. No more secrets (at least here) is a massive burden shed. Keep posting how you're doing/feeling whether its good, bad or indifferent. We are here with/for you.

I had a bad night on friday and spent saturday remembering why i HATE drinking. Once the awful feelings of doom and dispair (aka the hangover) lifted slightly mid afternoon i forced myself to go for a run, then cooked a healthy meal and sleeepppppt.

Woke early this morn feeling super charged (oh how ive missed that feeling the last 12 months) and ive spent today basically being 'super sober woman'!! Today i thoroughly enjoyed being alive, as opposed to waking up feeling like crap and limping through the day, counting the hours to wine o'clock. Such a contrast to yesterdays miserable shitty day.

Well that's day 2 under the belt for me, well done to you all, whether day 1, 2, 10, 100 or if your starting tomorrow x