What if you just don't love him any more?

[itschristmasagain]

My DH is a lovely man. We have a DS (3), they adore each other. I just don't think I love DH any more. We got together when I was 22, I'm now 35. I care for him deeply, I don't want to hurt him. I know he still loves me and he is happy with his life. It makes me sad just thinking about the consequences of leaving, the hurt it would cause. Do people cause this hurt just because they aren't in love any more? I feel like I want to experience life on my own for a while, but that seems an extremely selfish thing to do.
We have a comfortable lifestyle, and perhaps it's completely mental to leave a comfortable life to become a single mum, but don't feel happy. We have a pretty non existent sex life, I'm sick of initiating it and he rarely does so we're down to every 6-8 weeks. This doesn't help matters.
I'm currently doing solo counselling, it doesn't seem to be helping with my decision making!!

purple Yes, I think I'm a long way down the road of thinking that I won't remain in my marriage. This weekend has been a sort of transition, I was incredibly upset on Saturday morning: the realisation that the future will not be with DH, that I will be hurting him, that I can't do this any more. We were able to talk about it, we talked about the possibility that we would split. I didn't force the issue too much as I realise I have had time to consider the idea of it, and I feel that I need to take it slowly for DH to come to terms with the realisation.
I read somewhere that splitting isn't just a case of being together one minute and not the next, and that it is a process and I definitely feel that this is the case. Not sure how long it will take, I need to gather the courage to make the move.

I think thats definitely the case. One person has the opportunity to think all through and weigh up the pros and cons of the situation before they say anything, the other doesn't.
It was a process for me. I wouldn't have had the resolve to end it early on, I had to try to make it work a few times before I was certain there was no point in trying again. I feel very lucky with how things have gone though. It was rocky for a while, but my H sounds like yours, there is nothing wrong with him objectively, I just couldn't make it work as a relationship, and things had festered and got resentful. We have worked through it though, and we are now able to clearly focus on what is best for the children, and what works financially best for everyone.

itschristmas yes, there are times when we do get on and sit and have a laugh and I realise I like him in the way I like an old, affectionate friend but there are zero feelings of passion or desire. We are basically co-parents.

If I get really angry about something he will make a token gesture to amend his ways but he quickly slips back into his old habits.

I also think it will take time for us to go our separate ways. Right now I (selfishly) feel as if I do need him around as I am quite exhausted dealing with newborn + toddler. Also, thinking about it practically he has nowhere to go and does not have 2 pennies to rub together.

I asked him recently if he was happy and he said yes, he loves me and the kids and he thinks my anger is due to tiredness and a 'phase' I am going through. Not sure I believe him to be honest. I think he is just as unhappy as me and stays because he has no choice and nowhere else to go.

Has anyone got any news on this topic. Anyone who originally posted? How things have gone?

Sent you a PM.

Oh sorry this is a zombie! But nice if the OP could come back

I wonder how the other people got on? I’m in a very similar situation. I have just fallen out of love with my husband. I don’t have any interest in him at all. Sexually or even just to chat to. I feel like I have completely checked out but just staying for my child. There is nothing terrible about the relationship. I no longer work, have a great lifestyle on the face of it but selfishly I am just not happy. I am having an affair but he’s very up and down with us. That’s another issue! Which I don’t think it’s particularly causing me to be unhappy with my husband. Anybody else feeling like this? Or is this just middle age and this is how it is for most?