Expecting twins in April. He used to do a bit of recreational drugs (mainly cocaine). Promised he would stop when we were trying to conceive. Also cut back alcohol (used to drink a lot) and stop smoking.
Since I got pregnant I've caught him with drugs a few times and been really upset, threatened to leave.. He always denies it and then admits the truth after he realises he's been caught red handed and can't deny it. Been really good for a few months but we've just moved house and only been here a week, already found half empty bags and other signs, as well as cigarettes. He went out Friday and got very drunk, came home and was very aggressive, pushed and grabbed me and left me with bruises up my arm. He doesn't remember the night at all. This morning I found drugs again, confronted him calmly and he lost it, said I don't trust him and must be 'planting' it on him so cause a fight. He's now left. I paid 6months upfront rent for this house and the last house is in notice period, which he said he has cancelled and is moving back into.
I don't know how I feel. I don't want to be around him when I know he's just lying to me and treating me like an idiot day in and day out - but the thought of having these babies without him terrifies me. I feel really alone and unwell.
It's Christmas in a few days and he's meant to be coming to all my family occasions with me, what am I going to say to people.
I don't know what I'm asking for but I just needed to write this down.