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Original poster

Need to apologise for something I didn't do- how does this sound?

117 replies

Hardlyaxmasangel · 21/12/2015 09:25

Been seeing a guy for around 5 months, crazy about him and got the impression he was just as keen on me.... He said so!

He has a lot going on in his life at the moment and Last week something happened which he is blaming me for! I had no involvement in it in any way but he thinks it's something to do with me or anemone I know who done it and I was involved..... I wasn't

He has basically cut me off and is blaming me, I'm so hurt and upset he knows me and knows I'm not nasty and how much I liked him, I would have nothing to gain by doing anything to hurt him.

I feel like I should apologise for something I didn't do so wondered how this sounded?

I'm not sure what to do except apologise, I promise you I was in no way involved. You know I'm not a nasty person and would never do anything to hurt you. I'm sorry xx

I don't want to write to much, I want him to read it, and being mad he may not, but is that enough to sound sincere ?

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 21/12/2015 09:29

How about 'this has nothing to do with me so I can't and won't apologise but if you are going to let it come in the way of us then I guess it's not worth pursuing anyway.'

Don't fucking apologise for something you didn't do! That sets up a dynamic where you always apologise for things you haven't done. It could well be a ruse to set this dynamic up in the first place. Also, do you want to be in a relationship where he doesn't believe you when you are telling the truth?

LIZS · 21/12/2015 09:29

Are you sure you want to be with some who is looking for someone to blame? If he can't realise his own mistake then I don't think it bodes well for your future.

AyeAmarok · 21/12/2015 09:29

Eh, I'd leave it, TBH. This way madness lies.

On to the next one!

Archer26 · 21/12/2015 09:30

I know you say you're crazy about him but why would you apologise for something you didn't do? He sounds a bit childish if he's cutting you off- has he a history of this? Personally I wouldn't deign to send even a vague apology.

But.. The one you have written sounds good. Shows you care but avoids blame

CherryPicking · 21/12/2015 09:30

What's he saying you did?

Is there a chance he knows you're telling the truth but is using whatever it is as an excuse to end the relationship?

Be careful if he does 'forgive' you eventually. With abusive men, this can sometimes be the start of a pattern where he blows hot and cold in order to keep you on your toes and under his spell.

ChipInTheSugar · 21/12/2015 09:30

Don't apologise. Walk away. If he's not willing to believe you didn't do it now, when will he?!

MaisieDotes · 21/12/2015 09:30

What? This makes no sense to me. Why on earth would you apologise if you aren't responsible?

And why is he blaming you anyway? If you really have nothing to do with it and you want to send a message then maybe something like "sorry to hear this has happened. As I said, I had no involvement in it but I'm here if you need to talk".

Although if it was me I think I'd be annoyed at being implicated and would cool off a bit until he came to me and apologised for blaming me.

Readysteadyknit · 21/12/2015 09:30

I don't think you should apologise if you didn't do it and should definitely reconsider why you want this relationship - he sounds hard work.

BearFoxBear · 21/12/2015 09:31

Don't apologise for a start. If he doesn't believe you and won't accept you telling him the truth at this early stage in your relationship, then you're setting yourself up for trouble by apologising or even trying to continue the relationship.

KnockMeDown · 21/12/2015 09:36

Agree with all the previous replies - if you had no involvement, don't apologise. End of.

Goodbetterbest · 21/12/2015 09:37

Fairly conclusive consensus here.

How about you look at his response to the situation, rather than taking responsibility for something that was nothing to do for it and lying about it?

This is a massive red flag. If you apologise and your relationship continues, do not forget what you did in response to his unreasonable behaviour. Because one day you will be able to say 'I saw it. I knew'.

Write to him, tell him it was absolutely nothing to do with you. You care about him and don't want to end the relationship, but he must do what he feels is right. But he must know that this was nothing to do with you and you would do that. (Whatever it was).

You apologising may well cause him to see you in a different light anyway, and even if he accepts your apology you've still done this 'thing' in his eyes so you aren't, and can never be, the person you really are, or who he thinks you are. IYSWIM.

What I'm trying to say it's way too early in the relationship to start lying and covering up. Dodgy foundations from the start.

Snoopadoop · 21/12/2015 09:38

has nothing to do with me so I can't and won't apologise but if you are going to let it come in the way of us then I guess it's not worth pursuing anyway

Exactly this!

Finola1step · 21/12/2015 09:39

Fuck that shit!

Apologise for something you didn't do because he's gone all moody on you. So you will take the bait, apologise like a good girl to soothe his ego.

Red flags are flying all around this one.

AnnaMarlowe · 21/12/2015 09:45

No, No, No!

Never apologise for things you haven't done.

It's a shame someone had upset him but you are not responsible for his feelings. Only he is.

He needs to get over it and then apologise to you for being an arse.

Do NOT let the fact it's Christmas push you into being a doormat.

Please reconsider.

AnyFucker · 21/12/2015 09:46

There is only one response to this from him

fuck you

Jibberjabberjooo · 21/12/2015 09:50

Don't apologise for something you didn't do just to win him back!

Costacoffeeplease · 21/12/2015 09:52

Why on earth would you apologise for something you didn't do - fuck that - be clear it was nothing to do with you, then leave it at that - if he wants to go on thinking otherwise then that's up to him - and you're much better off without him

Original poster
Hardlyaxmasangel · 21/12/2015 09:52

Thank you ladies, I go in between being angry and thinking if he really liked me like he said then this wouldn't matter and being upset and hurt that he suddenly appears to of going from liking me to hating me!

I hate injustice of any type and just feel I need to text and say it wasn't me, I'm sorry this has happened but I'm not to blame.

OP posts:
clam · 21/12/2015 09:55

This is a Big. Red. Flag.

Ignore it at your peril.

TooSassy · 21/12/2015 09:55

Huh???

Has he even spoken to you about this?
How has he arrived to such an incorrect conclusion?

I'll be honest. If I cared for someone and this is how they treated me, I probably would send them something, just for my own piece of mind and closure. It wouldn't be an apology though, but a clear statement of how much I cared for them and how I would never do anything to hurt them etc etc. Then I'd try and be strong and block them/ cut them off etc etc. Because this behaviour has red flags all over it.

Arfarfanarf · 21/12/2015 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pocketsaviour · 21/12/2015 09:56

I think it's a massive danger sign.

My suspicion would be that he doesn't actually think it was you anyway, but he is playing mind games with you to exert control over you.

If you go running after him now like an apologetic puppy, he will have the uppoer hand forever. Kick this fool out of your life sharpish.

Out of interest, this "thing" - is it someone telling a third party something about him? And instead of being ashamed of what he's done/said, he's decided to be angry at the person who told the truth?

kellie456 · 21/12/2015 09:57

Another one saying don't go there. I've been in a relationship where I apologised for things I hadn't done 'to keep the peace'. My apologies became worthless and I never got a sorry in return. The relationship ended when I gave a heartfelt sorry for something I actually had done wrong and just got an ok in return. It made me feel like crap. Put boundaries in place now and if he doesn't like them then he's not the one for you.

WicksEnd · 21/12/2015 09:57

Why would you do that!?
Send him a text thanking him for revealing his true colours and tell him to fuck off.

shinynewusername · 21/12/2015 09:57

Anyone who cuts off communication for petty reasons (not talking about going NC due to EA etc) is a controlling, immature twat. Run. Don't look back except to gloat at your narrow escape from twattery.