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Original poster

Need to apologise for something I didn't do- how does this sound?

117 replies

Hardlyaxmasangel · 21/12/2015 09:25

Been seeing a guy for around 5 months, crazy about him and got the impression he was just as keen on me.... He said so!

He has a lot going on in his life at the moment and Last week something happened which he is blaming me for! I had no involvement in it in any way but he thinks it's something to do with me or anemone I know who done it and I was involved..... I wasn't

He has basically cut me off and is blaming me, I'm so hurt and upset he knows me and knows I'm not nasty and how much I liked him, I would have nothing to gain by doing anything to hurt him.

I feel like I should apologise for something I didn't do so wondered how this sounded?

I'm not sure what to do except apologise, I promise you I was in no way involved. You know I'm not a nasty person and would never do anything to hurt you. I'm sorry xx

I don't want to write to much, I want him to read it, and being mad he may not, but is that enough to sound sincere ?

OP posts:
Dipankrispaneven · 21/12/2015 10:55

Leave the exclamation marks out, and don't say "I'm sorry if that wasn't good enough for you" - you're apologising again if you say that. I would suggest the last bit should be along the lines of "I am very hurt that you assume I would have any involvement and the fact that you believed that suggests to me that we have no future. Goodbye"

Seeyounearertime · 21/12/2015 10:55

Hardlyaxmasangel

Don't send that last txt.
It's apologising still, you have nothing to apologise for. You're doing all the running and txting and he's in the wrong.

If you must txt, it should not include the words sorry at all or any reference to "how I feel about you"
It should be more like,
"It wasn't me and don't know who it was. If you want to apologise for accusing me and believing me capable of doing something like that then I might listen. Right now I don't see a way forward until you do. Bye."

Marchate · 21/12/2015 10:57

Years of experience has taught me that "Least said, soonest mended" has a lot to recommend it!

Whatever you write can later be used in evidence against you - once it has been manipulated. He can text a reply that gives your words a meaning you never spotted or intended. Be strong willed and write nothing!

TeaFathers · 21/12/2015 10:58

ignore him and don't contact him at all. ever again
these pricks feed off drama and get off on arguments.
its their bread and butter.
by being drawn into an argument you're giving him the massive erection he's looking for.
just ignore him from now on. no contact.

Eminado · 21/12/2015 10:58

Your second draft is almost begginh him to "forgive you" and "come back to you".

Why do you want him to, though?

TPel · 21/12/2015 10:59

He isn't the person you thought. Don't convince yourself he is. Just walk away with your dignity.

icandothis64 · 21/12/2015 11:00

How about this:

I wish you well for the future but this whole episode has demonstrated that we are not meant to be together. Good luck and good bye.

29redshoes · 21/12/2015 11:01

I know how you feel. It's awful to be blamed for things which weren't your fault, especially when it's by someone you thought cared about you!

If you are going to text something I'd go with fairenuff's suggestion above. It sounds like he's a lost cause, think all you can do is move on and find someone better Flowers

icandothis64 · 21/12/2015 11:01

Then. TURN OFF THE PHONE.

ohtheholidays · 21/12/2015 11:03

OP your second message is by far a better text to send.

You sound really nice and I'm sorry this has happened to you but please don't take the blame for something you haven't done.Do you know who has done whatever he's upset about?

SlaggyIsland · 21/12/2015 11:08

Oh god he sounds horrific, don't even bother texting him, and consider that you had a lucky escape.

AnyFucker · 21/12/2015 11:09

The second message is setting yourself up for more of the same.

candykane25 · 21/12/2015 11:09

He isn't the dream you thought he was.
I am sorry for you, it's not nice to fall for someone and be all happy and excited and then it turns out to not be a happy ending.
But his behaviour is not one of a "keeper".
Only more heartache lies ahead if you try to get him back in your life.
Spend Christmas moving on and start 2016 with a clean slate.
Best of luck.

Fairenuff · 21/12/2015 11:12

If you must reply, make sure it's clear that he has caused this. Then block. Do not give him an opportunity to respond as he will just keep blaming you and might even suck you back in.

SnowyBumbles · 21/12/2015 11:12

'I'm not going to apologise for something that I and my friends have no involvement in. I'm hurt that you would think so little of me and that you have no faith in my words, but that is your issue not mine. I wish you well in the future but I think now is time to draw a line under us as I feel that even when you realise your mistake in blaming me and apologise a precedent has been set and I can't view 'us' as I did knowing you think so little of me. Take care, Hardly'

Jibberjabberjooo · 21/12/2015 11:14

Don't send the second message, you're basically still apologising.

Dipankrispaneven · 21/12/2015 11:14

Snowy's approach is the right one.

Dipankrispaneven · 21/12/2015 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DinosaursRoar · 21/12/2015 11:27

Don't send that text - you shouldn't be saying sorry in your message at all!

I'd go with:

"I know you are hurt, but I had nothing to do with what happened. You know where I am if you want to talk about it all. X"

No saying "sorry" in away,shape or form. Put it back to him, stop chasing him to believe you and love you. He either does or he doesn't. All the begging and crawling in the world won't change that.

Olddear · 21/12/2015 11:34

I'd only be sorry about wasting 5 months of my life on him....

Waitingfordolly · 21/12/2015 12:04

I agree. I have loads of experience dating fuckwits, they don't change

sleeponeday · 21/12/2015 12:08

I'd be grateful I found out this was what he was like now, tbh.

Someone who will blame you for something you didn't do and reduce you to the state you were when you started this thread, when by your own account you have "done your best to help" him (what with? Is he very fucked up, by any chance?) is not a good bet. Abusive relationships start this way. It is not worth the drama.

Lweji · 21/12/2015 12:11

I'd rather send this:
"I know you are hurt, but I had nothing to do with what happened. So, if you keep insisting on blaming me, you can fuck off to the far side of fuck and fuck off some more. Be a dear. xxx"

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 21/12/2015 12:12

Oh god this is awful
Don't text him, don't apologise, don't defend yourself. This is all about him.

magoria · 21/12/2015 12:14

Don't say you are sorry you are not good enough for him.

You are.

You did nothing wrong. That he is treating you like this speaks volumes about him.

This sets your relationship up for you to always be chasing and apologising to get him to not cut you off.

After 5 months! Sod that off.

Make it clear he is acting like a shit. You have nothing to do with it and if he comes and talks like an adult you will consider if you have a future. Otherwise see ya.

Preferably just bin for being a twat any way.

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