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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Need to apologise for something I didn't do- how does this sound?

117 replies

Hardlyaxmasangel · 21/12/2015 09:25

Been seeing a guy for around 5 months, crazy about him and got the impression he was just as keen on me.... He said so!

He has a lot going on in his life at the moment and Last week something happened which he is blaming me for! I had no involvement in it in any way but he thinks it's something to do with me or anemone I know who done it and I was involved..... I wasn't

He has basically cut me off and is blaming me, I'm so hurt and upset he knows me and knows I'm not nasty and how much I liked him, I would have nothing to gain by doing anything to hurt him.

I feel like I should apologise for something I didn't do so wondered how this sounded?

I'm not sure what to do except apologise, I promise you I was in no way involved. You know I'm not a nasty person and would never do anything to hurt you. I'm sorry xx

I don't want to write to much, I want him to read it, and being mad he may not, but is that enough to sound sincere ?

OP posts:

Whyissheontheship · 21/12/2015 09:58

What happened? The only situation I can think of where he might be genuinely think you did something you didn't do inolves him having a secret (that you knew about), which has come out? Although I may be off base here so I apologise if that is not the case.

Dont apologise to him if you haven't done anything.

Everything you have said about this relationship makes it sound dead in the water (before it has even begun) tbh at 5 months cut your losses and move on.

Larrytheleprechaun · 21/12/2015 10:00

After 5 months he has behaved like a dickhead and cut you off so you want to apologise for something you did not do. Enough said. He should be listening to the truth and grovelling to you. Things will not get any better from here OP x

Marchate · 21/12/2015 10:00

It's controlling behaviour. He can believe you or not - his choice - but you mustn't take responsibility for something you played no part in. It will only escalate, believe me.

icandothis64 · 21/12/2015 10:01

Sorry to hear you are going through this. My STBXH used to boast when we were courting that he could start an argument in an empty room! Often I would think things were great between us and out of no where I would be in the dog house. Usually it turned out it was he wanted to be off doing something (or someone) else. I don't know that at the time but would spend days trying to apologise and he would then come back ( having done what he wanted by that time). Sad thing is. I married him. And had 18 years of it. Please please please think. Would a man who purports to love you turn on you so easily without even allowing you to explain something? You know the answer to that. BIG RED FLAG. Personally I would see it as a get out of jail free card. Good luck. Remember. You are a strong, intelligent, confident woman and deserve someone to cherish you.

bigbuttons · 21/12/2015 10:02

Run for the hills. This is a red flag. For God's sake don't ignore it.

Seeyounearertime · 21/12/2015 10:04

Sounds like he wanted an excuse to drop you without guilt.
Tell him to do one and find someone who'll not accuse you in the first place and liten when you deny it.

99percentchocolate · 21/12/2015 10:08

Please don't send that text. Don't apologise for something you didn't do.
I used to see someone who would accuse me of causing or having a hand in anything that went wrong in his life. It was the start of a sustained period of emotional anise which eventually turned physical.
In the end he used to make things up to see if I would apologise for them - it was entertainment for him but soul destroying for me.
This is a big red flag. If he isn't willing to talk to you about what he thinks you have done and would block you like this, then he isn't worth your time.
Please don't chase him - you deserve better.

Eliza22 · 21/12/2015 10:09

Do not apologise.
He needs to cool off and then come to YOU with a apology. And even then, if it were me, I'd walk away.

FinallyHere · 21/12/2015 10:09

I'm agreeing that this is a sign, which you would ignore at your peril.

I wouldn't though, bother actually telling him it's over. Just accept you have got off lightly, before you are more entangled with him DC etc and don't contact him ever again.

Best revenge, live the rest of your life well, enjoy.

Fairenuff · 21/12/2015 10:13

He is either looking for a reason to break up and put the blame on you or he is the sort of person you don't want in your life.

Ignore, block, delete and move on.

spiderlight · 21/12/2015 10:14

" it wasn't me, I'm sorry this has happened but I'm not to blame."

Say that, and nothing else. And then run for the hills.

LaContessaDiPlump · 21/12/2015 10:17

Don't fucking apologise for something you didn't do!

^^this!

clam · 21/12/2015 10:18

Of course you shouldn't apologise, but the very fact that he is expecting that you must means this relationship is a no-go. Even if he now turns up and backtracks, he's shown you a very clear sign of being a fuckwit.

Ditch him.

VocationalGoat · 21/12/2015 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VocationalGoat · 21/12/2015 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

summerwinterton · 21/12/2015 10:34

Why are you not running for the hills - this man sounds hell. Thank your lucky stars you found out now and can take steps to never see this petulant twat ever again.

TeaFathers · 21/12/2015 10:34

run. RUN!
he's showing you who is really is. an gas-lighting, abusive bully who won't listen and looks for fights.
he's clearly psycho. this is a massive red flag.
have nothing further to do with him.

Lonelynessie · 21/12/2015 10:39

Huge RED FLAG. Don't apologise for something you didn't do.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/12/2015 10:40

Has he done this punishing you thing before?

Skullyton · 21/12/2015 10:40

Sorry, i'm with this lot.

Never ever apologise for something you didnt do.

You should send this!

"I'm sorry you're upset, but it had absolutely nothing to do with me and i'm not going to apologise for something i had nothing to do with. If you can't or won't believe me, then there is nothing more to say. The only one who should be apologising here is you for believing i would do something like that. Clearly you don't know me.

Original poster

Hardlyaxmasangel · 21/12/2015 10:46

Feel i need to text something, i can see what your all saying and im glad i started a thread here first as it changed the way i think and your right i do not need to apologise, so how about something like this?

I'm sorry this has happened, but I was not behind it in anyway and I'm not to blame! You know how I feel about you and you know I'm not a spiteful, vindictive person and wouldn't do anything to fuck you up or hurt you!

It's sad you actually think I would do it! I tried my best to help you so I'm sorry if that wasn't good enough for you xx

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 21/12/2015 10:48

I would say 'I am disappointed that you would think that of me and think it's best that we end it now as you are not the person I thought you were'.

ZenNudist · 21/12/2015 10:49

Dump. Definitely! It's so not worth having relationship with a man like this...

RiceCrispieTreats · 21/12/2015 10:50

You're being far too nice and conciliation. You are telling him clearly that he can walk all over you (silent treatment, thinking I'll of you, failing to be on you side or believe you), and you will respond to that treatment by being sweet and kind.

No. Your response to him now should be firmness and anger.

Or better yet, just dump him in abstentia. This man will only continue to make you unhappy

AnyFucker · 21/12/2015 10:54

This behaviour of his isn't ok though is it ?

So send that latest text if you want to make it clear you will let him disrespect you again

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