works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

May be a dim suggestion, but often it helps.

Would writing it all down help? Maybe take yourself off, wrote everything down and hand it to him, let him read it and see what his response is? Even an email?

Might help get your thoughts straight. If nothing else.

Agree that dancing around it won't help. You really need to talk it out frankly. yes it is bad timing but then when wouldn't it be really?

I'm waiting for my children to go out so I can "stop dancing about"

I have asked him outright and he has denied any wrong doing.

My children don't need to hear this conversation at Xmas time

Sorry, I think my message might have read much more critically than I intended it to.

I really did just mean "get it out in the open" and stop boiling it up for your sake, even though it's Christmas. Of course it makes sense to wait for the kids to be out of the house too.

And whatever the intentions, results, outcomes, I'm sorry you're going through this at all.

he doesn't seem to have much respect for you at all, does he? he's a liar who has done wrong and then he's stonewalling you.

i'd make it clear to him that once xmas and new year are over, he can pack his bags and move out.

I agree with PPs that this is unlikely to be the first time he has done this - just the first time you have found out.

Whatever happened - and something clearly did - your DH owes it to you to be honest. Totally honest. You've been together too long to expect anything less.

I wouldn't be entertaining him whatsoever until he was prepared to tell the truth. The bullshit fight lie would get nowhere with me.
He has fucked up and badly.

Good luck having a chat today

Hope the chat gets him to open up properly?

Does he have the ring back?

I know this is a serious topic OP and I do hope you get some reasonable explanation and the truth (even if it's not what you want to hear) today.

I have to ask though, your DP isn't Frodo is he?

I have to ask though, your DP isn't Frodo is he?

Hahaha!!!!

Good luck xx

So if I understand it correctly DP came in at 5am, was at the club until 4am (according to geo location).
How the hell can he have conducted an affair between 4am and 5am?, and have got home in that hour?
It seems to me that his explanation of a fight and removing the ring seem more credible than any other alternative.

How the hell can he have conducted an affair between 4am and 5am?, and have got home in that hour?

It's not what he actually managed to do, it's what he intended to do

Really, I mean really?

OP will end 20 odd years of good marriage because DH removed ring on a night out.
Let's say you are all right and he did actually talk with another woman. Is OP so insecure that this is leaving material?
He clearly didn't get up to anything - pissed as a fart, and unaccounted for for an hour. Where is the problem here?
Not surprised DH is pissed off and uncommunicative - and that's before he finds out OP has been geo tracking him.

I am kind of with you bobblehat other than the pissed off and uncommunicative bit.

He should talk to OP to reassure her. If he doesn't care that this has worried her then he is a dick.

If it's as clear cut as that - and I sincerely hope it is - then why oh why doesn't DH just bend over backwards apologising to and reassuring op for worrying her stupid?
He's clearly not so lovely after all. That and he's hiding something.

I don't think he's hiding anything much I think he just doesn't like having to account for himself...to the one person to whom he is accountable.

But surely even if he didn't do anything it's the intent that's hurtful. The OP has said he never removes his ring, even as a trained cage fighter he's never removed his ring. Yet he removes it for a fight on a night out.

Good luck OP.
I really don't know what I'd be thinking if I was in your situation. It doesn't look good though.

i think he took it off to appear single, but didnt do anything, now hes feeling like shit and would rather just forget about it....and what the op needs is a proper explanation with a proper apology with lots and lots of making up for it....hes been stupid but being a man doesnt want to admit to it...he has to understand how the op is feeling and i think writing it all down and letting him read it is a good idea....hes let the op down but in his eyes he didnt actually do anything so cant see what the fuss is about....men think differently to women....has the op actually told him she has his 'lost' ring yet?