works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

So sorry OP. The deceit is horrible. Hope you get some answers today.

Hope you get some answers today - I agree the intent is bad enough, whether or not he actually followed through with anything physical.

Oh Op, I'm thinking of you today. Have a good workout and try to clear your head. I'm still hoping it is all a big misunderstanding. Can someone mind the children today so you can talk without interuption or the children overhearing?

I think it's very likely that he didn't pull. If he had, he probably would have been home later. But I understand it's the intention that mattered. His intention may have been to pull or maybe it was more to flirt. He was likely too drunk to really know, himself. But I don't think anyone would be OK with this.

I think you're unlikely to ever hear anything from him that you'll feel you can fully believe. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Thanks shopaholic. That will be useful to see what teenager DC is up to! For the OP. when I found myself considering hiring a private detective follow DH, was Tyne exact same moment I decided I had to divorce. I didn't like the person I had become and was becoming. If there was that much lack of trust them it was pretty much over as I would never rest easy again and didn't want that to be my life and what defines me.

It's fairly telling that he is not looking for the ring, if you've taken it from his pocket. It sounds like he is not worried about where the ring is at all.

I think the telling thing is that he was still posses when he came home. If he'd been with someone he'd have had to have sobered up a bit? Whether there was an intention to cheat is another matter. It's likely that he has been weak and given into his bosses demands for a wing man and now feels stupid and so made up a story but is annoyed and angry with himself. Hope there's an innocent explanation OP.

I too hope there's an innocent explanation, but whatever that maybe, he's already tried to deceive the OP and trust is difficult to regain after that's happened.

really wanted there to be a innocent explanation for this but it certainly sounds like he's hiding something.

You think he'd be bricking himself?

How is he acting today?

I'm loving this insistence that a 'wing man' has to pretend to be single Do wedding rings cast cloaks of invisibility around everyone nearby?! The boss is an experienced cheat according to OP; I'm sure he doesn't need someone sitting next to him yelling "We're both single!"

Also "too drunk to do anything". Seriously? How do you think most one-night stands happen? The guy's very fit. His cardio-vascular system can no doubt stand a bit of interference.

Good idea to go and work it out & off, One Hope it's clarified your thoughts.

I don't know why you would chase people if you were just trying to break up a fight. It does't ring true.

doesn't

You'd think he'd be worried about losing his ring

carabos I don't understand this either, I'm trying to understand it from the perspective of someone being chatted up and the idea of me saying "Oh here's a man chatting me up. Hey I wonder if his friend is married. No he's not wearing a ring. Wow, now I fancy the dude chatting me up even more!" just doesn't make sense?

Unless you're trying to get an MMF threesome. Then I suppose it would work.

OP I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm sorry your H thinks you're naive enough to accept his cock and bull story. I hope you can get to the bottom of this. Maybe he's just had a drink and a flirt and done nothing more, it's certainly possible.

It's not what he's done, it's what he's tried to do.

Op so sorry you're going through this

I do not believe though that he slept with someone else. It would be pretty difficult to chat someone up, somehow pull them when absolutely hammered, then go somewhere to have sex with them and be home for 5am. I guess by your post you're in your 40s - do women in the bracket of having sex with a 40something man really give it up so easily / have a hotel room conveniently ready to go?

Aged 20, yes. Aged 40, no.

Did he take his ring off because he'd punched someone with that hand and it might swell up ? Not a bloke and don't know how they think tbh...and not punched someone either

have a hotel room conveniently ready to go?

The party was at a hotel.

As for "giving it up easily" - Yes, I did plenty of that between 35 and 45, thanks. I really wasn't giving anything up

Did he take his ring off because he'd punched someone

His sport is fighting. He does it wearing his ring.

Sounds difficult OP. I'd say go with your gut.

I also wouldn't believe his story.

The wingman thing is because two men approach two women - the single guy chooses first and then the wingman flirts with the friend, so it looks like everyone is coupling up. It makes it more likely to be successful than if flirting with a guy leaves your friend sitting on her own.

I don't agree with this and I think it's a crap idea, but that's why the wingman needs to be single. If he's married, the conversation with the friend fizzles out and then the other couple will start talking as a group again.