works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

I don't think I'd believe the tale about the fight. However, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's done anything very bad. Let's face it the real accomplished cheaters are the ones who would never make that type of mistake and the ones whose wives think their husbands would never do such a thing as cheat.

He is acting odd and cagey. You feel he has been up to no good. Stayed out all night and is defensive.

Definitely something to hide.

You sound so lovely. But you also sound smart. I empathise with you right now and can imagine that sinking feeling in your stomach. I hope you can sleep. Make sure he understands that you may be able to forgive a mistake. But the lies to cover up the mistake will be an even bigger hurdle. Good luck.

Sigh.
I'd almost rather he admitted sex with someone else than try to fob off such a massively lame story. Makes him seem so craven and immature and cowardly.
Sorry you are dealing with this op.

It could well be that his boss wanted a wing man, while out on the pull, and asked your dh to take his ring off. Doesn't necessarily mean your dh has cheated.

If this was what I was prepared to put up with in marriage - a man who would pretend to be single so his boss could pull a woman, then I would certainly feel cheated.

OP, I doubt he did much given his state but he also certainly took his ring off to appear single.

One other thing is possible - he doesn't remember what happened because he was so hammered and he doesn't want to admit to this (because he has a problem with alcohol generally or because he is ashamed).

I'm sorry OP but I don't think his story sounds very convincing

I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight

Don't ask him where his ring is. Let him panic. Let him ask if you moved his clothing. Let him talk shite about how he took it off.

Then play it cool and don't ask him a thing. Avoid him. Let him sweat...when he can't stand it any longer he will give his own game away...if there was one.

Not read all the thread sorry, as it's extremely late (early?) but I've been married for 14 years and neither of us ever wear our wedding rings.
Doesn't necessarily mean anything sinister or cheating.

Helping his mate pull seems likely. Going too far in the assistance? How far is too far for you? Kissing? You have to ask directly and you will know the truth from his manner and answer.
Years ago my DH was with another woman until the early hours covering for his mate who was DTD. The mate got caught...fessed up too. Am sure 100% DH did not do anymore than a kiss...that was bad enough!
Sorry for you situation OP

Kryptonite - as the OP says in the thread, that doesn't apply to either of them.

@Lealeander. A rather flippant and unhelpful comment. Very easy to make such declarations when you are not walking in there shoes. I'm sure the last thing they want to hear is an admission of guilt and the reality is that there could still be a reasonable, if not absolutely innocent excuse eg. Pressurised to be the bosses wingman.etc.
True what an earlier poster said, it seems that some on here almost want the man to be found to have cheated

Has he got a smart phone op? On another thread someone gave details of how to access a log of locations as the phone automatically records this. Maybe some more tech savvy posters can help? You might be able to find out where he was between midnight and 5am.

So sorry you are going through this op.

Hope you get to the bottom of it OP, at least you're dealing with it rationally

If it's an iPhone you can check the location services.

Settings-privacy-location service-system services and then frequent locations..

Should tell you where he's been!!

I wonder if the fight story is half true? Maybe he got into a ruck with someone as opposed to breaking a fight up and took his ring off if his finger started to swell?
Think I might be wildly clutching at straws but just trying to think of an alternative to the other explanation

What a shame. Hope he is honest with you today.

I also wondered about the fight thing, if maybe he was more involved or even started it and was trying to gloss over it as if he was accidentally involved and maybe his ring came off during the fight and he pocketed it.

If he doesn't remove his ring for cage fighting then why would he remove it in a street fight?

He's telling fibs and I think that he thinks you know more than you actually do and is therefore, as a previous poster suggested, buying himself time. If he was drunk, he could also now be worried as perhaps he himself doesn't remember everything but knows he's done 'something'.

It's a very shitty time of year for this to happen, particularly if you have children. I would be demanding answers. Also do the location check on his phone. Some clubs put photos on their websites of big nights- that's how I once found my ex cheating on me. Totally by accident, I didn't suspect a thing. And there he was with another woman and he tried to deny it! Not very bright.

Why does a rich business type, whose wife turns a blind eye to his serial shagging around, need a wing-man to go out on the pull?

Akawisey, I assume it's so he's not stood in a club approaching women alone! Which could come across a bit creepy. If he's out with a friend it isn't so weird to do so

Why does the wing man need to take his ring off? Why does it matter if the wing man is married - he's not the one on the pull.

OP.

I'm so sorry. You seem to have a good bullshit radar built in.

He's totally lying about the fight. The last reaction anyone would have if being punched is to remove jewellery and then carry on. It's totally bullshit.
I'm afraid to say that he took his ring off to pull. I was out last week and a fairly good looking guy came up to me and started trying to dance with me/ kiss me. I assumed he was single until I saw his wedding ring at which point I gave him an absolutely bollocking. He walked off. I saw him 30 minutes later with another woman. He'd taken his wedding ring off by then.

There's only one reason married men remove rings. Whether he did anything depends on whether he met someone prepared to have a ONS with him. Sorry. I normally try and look at all angles but I only have one view on this.

OP hope you are ok.

Thanks everyone for your concern and kindness.

I'm off to the gym to get myself and my head straight, everyone is still in bed.

I feel utterly betrayed by the intent of his action to remove his ring - whatever the reason and whatever happened during the night.

Having slept on it I'm even more hurt by him thinking I'm going to take my ring off and putting it inside his jacket pocket than him actually following through with anything, if that makes sense. He would of been at least in a state of knowing what he was doing at that point in the evening, which is the biggest blow to me.

Sigh

OP I'm really sorry. Hope the gym helps a bit.

If you explained how you feel to dh, exactly as you just did in that last post, would he talk?