Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

577 replies

Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 15:06

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

OP posts:
Inneedofachat15 · 18/12/2015 21:31

Op... I'd say maybe taking his ring off in a confrontational situation might be a normal "drunken rational" thought...or if I hit him with my ring on it will cause more damage/get me in more trouble, esp if he is martial arts trained. I worked in bars/pubs etc for 15 years and the silly (not rational) things drunks think will make a difference is unreal! I'd think if he was really doing the dirty, however drunk he was, he'd have put his ring back on en route home, or guiltily come to bed (even though it's not what he usually does drunk). Sending you lots of love and hope things work out xxx

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/12/2015 21:32

he sounds guilty - he walked away and said its the truth - no one say that unless a lie :(

seems a very flimsy excuse, took it off in a fight,is he left handed?

if innocent he would have contacted you today and said shit ive lost my ring as took it off doing abc

think you have to decide what you would do if he had been unfaithful? would you leave him? can you trust him now?

what happened last xmas work do or is it a new company?

SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 21:33

Sorry OP, that sounds like bull, doesn't it? If my dh was in some kind of altercation after a night out, I wouldn't be having to ask questions to get him to tell me about it for one thing, it would be so unusual that he would tell me about it straight away.

My dh had his Christmas party, was hungover the next day, but still chatty about his evening, cagey isn't good.

The way he is behaving is extremely off, and honestly in your position I'd go for him until telling the truth seemed the easiest way of shaking off me and my questions.

Fidelia · 18/12/2015 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 21:35

It may not mean he has cheated, but certainly that he has done something that he is defensive about.

ohtheholidays · 18/12/2015 21:36

I'm really sorry Oneday if he has cheated then he's been a bloody dick,18 years is a really long time.

I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight (hugs)

SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 21:37

X-post with fidelia

Sorry that happened to you.

BrendaandEddie · 18/12/2015 21:38

my h lost his years ago playing golf
I was glad tbh , I hate men in jewellery

TempusEedjit · 18/12/2015 21:40

Surely if he'd taken off the ring to safeguard it during a fight then he'd be upset at losing it rather than being distant, evasive and unconcerned?

Sorry this is happening OP.

tinyme135 · 18/12/2015 21:40

sorry if you've already explained yourself with anything I've said....
firstly sorry to here what's gone on. I just want to say maybe he did take it off for the reason you think or maybe he took it off as it was irritating him or it became loose? or his boss dared him and the way you have explained what his boss is like he might have done it to impress him.

I take my ring off for days and my OH doesn't care. you might be looking into it too much but you could also be right.

FlowersChocolateWine to help you till you can talk to him.

Squishyeyeballs · 18/12/2015 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominPie22 · 18/12/2015 21:57

oneday I reckon his excuse sounds laughably lame too, based on your explanation of your husband. And I too would be majorly concerned. However, not wearing his wedding ring doesn't automatically mean he's slept with someone else or been unfaithful, which is the worst case scenario. But it's extremely fishy and he's totally undermining your intelligence with his piss-poor explanation....

But if there's no evidence of wrong-doing, what is your next move going to be? You need proof as opposed to jumping to the worst kind of conclusion. I know this would be driving me insane if I were in your shoes!

Have you guys been having any kind of issues or difficulties lately? There's been no other questionable or odd behaviours from him? Could you enquire with any of his colleagues or mates/mutual friends/family?

Just wondering if there's been something goin on with him that he's been witholding from you? Sounds like he's lying to you but that doesn't mean he's gone and done anything with another woman either. Best of luck with The Talk, cos this is surely gonna put a permanant dent in the trust you thought you had in him. Sorry you're having such a mega Shit-Fest just now FlowersWine

mum11970 · 18/12/2015 22:00

It could well be that his boss wanted a wing man, while out on the pull, and asked your dh to take his ring off. Doesn't necessarily mean your dh has cheated. Wait until tomorrow and you may get the truth out of him when he's not feeling rough.

shoeaddict83 · 18/12/2015 22:02

Just read this thread OP, you sound lovely and 18years is such a long time. I hope there's an innocent explanation but it doesn't sound good. Even taking it off to harmlessly flirt is deceitful.
I hope up get some sleep tonight and can talk to him properly tomorrow

Hissy · 18/12/2015 22:03

Hope you are ok OP, this must be horrific :(

Try and keep a cool head, listen and think before you react

taptonaria27 · 18/12/2015 22:06

While it certainly seems that he's lying, that doesn't mean that he has been unfaithful to you. But it may well mean that he has tried to "fit in with the crowd" ie twatty boss, you need to know where ha was until 5am (my dh ends up in casinos). It's bad but it might not be as bad as you think.

Pidapie · 18/12/2015 22:31

My first thought was he was after attention from women. Might not have meant to or wanted to cheat (might not have cheated at all, is what I mean), but took it off so that he could be openly flirty? Not very nice regardless, but it might not be the end of the world either if you know what I mean. I hope he comes clean soon.

GarlicCake · 18/12/2015 22:39

Gosh, the replies on this thread are peculiar.

What an absolute bummer that you're going through this now, One. You sound very together - all that training must make you mentally strong, too! I'd love you to be my friend in a crisis.

It may be some pathetic comfort that DH doesn't seem to be in the habit of deceiving you: his excuses are lousy!

Sounds like he's going for the 'least said, soonest mended' approach. Meanwhile, perhaps, trying to figure out why the hell he came up with a story straight out of the Beano and how to come back from that Xmas Hmm

Take good care of yourself.

ladygoingGaga · 18/12/2015 22:49

There is so much to be said for trusting your instincts.
Being together for so long you know that he is lying.

The only way he can possibly fix this is to grow a pair and just tell you the truth. If he does and you face this together and look at the why, then I am sure you will be fine.

If he continues to stick to bollocks story, you will never know the truth and the trust will be gone, that niggle will always be there.

I hope he realises this and talks to you properly tomorrow.

Headmelt · 18/12/2015 23:12

Does he have bruising on his hands? if he hurt his hand, maybe he took the ring off in case his finger started to swell? I really don't want to believe your dh would be so crap especially with Christmas just around the corner Sad
If your dh is "big" build (cage fighter), is it possible some guys were trying to take him on after a few too many drinks, trying to be macho? I'm probably clutching at straws but is it worth considering?

FreakinScaryCaaw · 18/12/2015 23:50

So sorry op Sad

CandlesAreBurning · 19/12/2015 00:37

Very sorry OP, but it sounds like your first instincts were correct. Taking a ring off to put in a pocket when you're running/in a fight means its more likely to fall out. Especially if you never take it off.
That and his body language as well states he did something he shouldn't. Hope you get more answers tomorrow when he's sobered up.

AyeAmarok · 19/12/2015 00:39

Is he avoiding you because he thinks you know? Pretending to be feeling really hungover and fragile to buy himself some time?

GladysTheGolem · 19/12/2015 00:42

So sorry OP, hope you manage some sleep tonight and get some decent answers in the morning.
X

finetonive · 19/12/2015 00:46

Who has time to take a ring off before breaking up a fight?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.