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Original poster

works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

577 replies

Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 15:06

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

OP posts:
nilbyname · 18/12/2015 20:59

op I'm not making excuses for him if he has done something stupid but but but....

My dhs went out on a works night and in the morning I couldn't get a hold of him- he stayed away- he came home all fine. But he was cagey about the night out and a bit vague. I was so suspicious and worried and I wouldn't let it go. I checked his phone, kept asking him stuff and eventually it transpired that he went to a strip club but he was mortified and upset and left but he knew I would be upset.

So he was vague because he didn't want me to know. He knew I would be gutted. But he is the most trust worthy amazing guy.

I know some of you reading this will think- what a mug- but context and character is everything.

So op- don't think the worst it may be something else entirely. Let the dust settle wait for the hangover to pass.

missymayhemsmum · 18/12/2015 21:00

Sounds like he went out on the piss with a senior colleague who was out on the pull, and went along with it more than he wants to admit because he feels shite.
If he had been actually cheating on you though, surely he would have been sufficiently guilt ridden to put the ring on to cover his tracks and not been home at 5am? Depends on the rules of your relationship. Is he allowed to go out drinking dancing and flirting and come home at 5am once a year so long as he doesn't dtd?

Fionajsd · 18/12/2015 21:02

I think he took his wedding ring off to appear single whilst out with his boss.

I don't believe he's cheated , as most women will tell you after too much alcohol certain things don't work.

I think he went out, fancied a bit of flirting maybe , got paralytic , dragged his sorry ass home and fell asleep.

He's woken up this morning minus the wedding ring and feeling a right twat has decided to concoct a stupid story rather than say the truth, which lets face it makes him look like he was out on the pull.

He's a knob and he knows it.
Hugs xx

notapizzaeater · 18/12/2015 21:06

He's lying an
Bout the fight, I'd suggest getting the police involved as they can look at cctv and see him squirm

DiscoDiva70 · 18/12/2015 21:07

I'd say he's clearly either cheated or intended to cheat, sorry Op but I'm being realistic.
I think I'd be more even more concerned by the fact he seems to be shrugging everything off and not giving the Op the chance to really discuss everything. Maybe he has form for cheating and isn't shitting himself like he would be if his behaviour last night was totally out of character.

Add to this, his 'explanation' is so improbable that it has to be utter bollocks, and because he's obviously cocky enough to think that the Op must be so gullible that she'll believe this shit, this makes me think he's done this before.

Eminado · 18/12/2015 21:07

"You have been knocked to the ground in a fight, the fight has nothing to do with you.
They run off, and you decide to give chase (why?)
But you delay for a few vital moments to take your wedding ring off and stow it safely in your pocket. "

I find this impossible to believe Sad.

I hope you are ok OP Flowers

diddl · 18/12/2015 21:08

What's his boss like?

Is he the sort that would coerce someone to go on to the nightlub with him?

If not, then it's odd that your husband didn't go leave when others did imo.

But I would also be veering towards what Fiona has put.

Original poster
Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 21:09

I can't talk to him tonight because he is still recovering and feeling like shit and as I said the mood is subdued so I'm not going get anywhere.

We've been together for 18 years, this can wait 1 night until tomorrow to talk further and properly. I know he is lying, he owes it to our relationship to fess up.

I'm not even bothered about strip clubs, I have a liberal attitude where things like that are concerned - so he wouldn't hide this sort of thing from me, he has been before and it does not bother me. I just never had my Dh down as the deceitful type and removing your wedding band on a night out is deceitful whatever the bullshit reason

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 18/12/2015 21:10

That's it, exactly as you say. You'll never know. What you're left with is how you feel about it. Independent of him because anything he says will include either a blank face or a bizarre excuse (like the fight).

How do YOU feel and what do YOU want to do about it, if anything? The option is there to just delete the night from your experience because it was his drunken experience.

Alternatively, you might assume it was some kind of drunken debauchery you'll have to assess over time as a possible threat to your marriage. Or confront the missing ring as a marriage threat/ender now.

Maybe it isn't always necessary to know everything about a works night out but that's just my opinion. Maybe it depends how wonderful and trustworthy everything else is between the two of you to start with.

If you need to know "everything" then I guess you have to hope he'll tell you the truth - if he remembers it. And if you believe him when he says he doesn't. I don't see he would tell you anyways so suspect it's back to how much this matters to you and what you're going to do as a result of that night out?

OTiTO · 18/12/2015 21:11

Being thumped to the ground would be serious. Tell Him you will call the police. There might be CCTV, or there might not be Hmm

goodnightdarthvader1 · 18/12/2015 21:13

Sensible approach, OP. He's had all day and still came up with a shit excuse - one more night won't make much difference. Try and sleep on it and maybe you can approach it calmly in the morning. Good luck.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 18/12/2015 21:14

Is he left handed? The only reason he would take his ring off in a fight is to hit someone and only if you were going to do it with the hand with the ring on.

I don't believe the fight story though, I'm sure he took it off to look single. It doesn't necessarily mean he slept with someone though, in fact it's probably unlikely given how drunk he was. Maybe his boss talked him into it.

I would tell him what you think happened and see what he says.

Good luck x

Original poster
Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 21:14

His boss is a rich wanker who is a serial shagger with a wife who turns a blind eye because of their lifestyle,

OP posts:
Devastatedcoconut605 · 18/12/2015 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Onedayinthesun · 18/12/2015 21:14

He is right handed :(

OP posts:
SooticaTheWitchesCat · 18/12/2015 21:15

Oh, and if he persists on the story that he was punched then insist he goes to the police!

MySordidCakeSecret · 18/12/2015 21:18

i'm so sorry op Flowers

Sounds very dodgy to me, i have a hot headed dp too and i know for sure that in the event of a fight scenario he wouldn't be stopping to think about his wedding ring?!

Devastatedcoconut605 · 18/12/2015 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 18/12/2015 21:25

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you op. I know that sick feeling very well.
It sounds v bad though I agree. Wishing you lots of strength. Keep eating and get sleep when you can. You need to look after yourself. Fine tune your bullshit detector too? I think it's going to get a battering. That's if he doesn't turn it all round in you for not trusting him and stonewall you.
I would confide in someone in real life too. You need the support

Devastatedcoconut605 · 18/12/2015 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DickDewy · 18/12/2015 21:26

He's obviously lying. How sad.

Shakey15000 · 18/12/2015 21:26

I'm sorry you didn't get a plausible explanation.

I hope when you speak to him, he is respectful enough to be truthful. Even if he hasn't "done" anything (aside taking the ring off to appear single obvs), at least you'll know there's a problem and can go from there. Thanks

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 18/12/2015 21:28

Oh dear, it doesn't look good. He's minimising I think. Deny until she has proof. His story is unbelievable.

ButImNotTheOnlyOne · 18/12/2015 21:29

Thinking of you oneday. I think you are being very measured waiting to talk to him.

Have a ((hug))

VintageDresses · 18/12/2015 21:29

Oh dear. I suppose it's still possible he took it off because he wanted to indulge in some "harmless" flirting without any intention of taking it further but his excuse is nonsense.

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