works do last night, no wedding ring on Dh this morning

[Onedayinthesun]

We have been together 18 years, 2 Dc and an adult Sc.

No trust issues ever, have never even questioned his faithfulness, I have not once been concerned about anything that would point to cheating at no point in our marriage.

He went out last night to his works Christmas party, I heard him come home at 5am. He slept in the sofa in the kitchen last night at 7.30am I told him to go to bed, he was still drunk - no wedding ring on his finger. I found it in his inside pocket of his suit.

Devastated.

There is no point even asking him why - there is only one reason a man would do this.

I couldn't confront anything this morning I needed to get my kids to school and go to work. I'm numb thinking about what he has done last night, Christmas is ruined.

I have to face him tonight and don't want the kids to find out, he doesn't know I have his ring, I can't talk to anyone in rl

You would take the ring off before giving chase with the thought that
A) It will avoid you hurting your own hand on it and
B) If things got nasty they wouldn't see it and try and take it?

I dunno. It probably wouldn't occur to him that you'd spied it missing so its not like he's had all day to think up an excuse. It sounds quite convoluted to be a lie. If he were lying I'd expect him on the spot to just be like "no idea, I was drunk, I cant remember why I did it"

Back in the day, Cybermen could be killed by dropping gold into their front grilles (before the upgrade). Maybe your DH is really a timelord, went back in time and saved us all from a Christmas invasion?

Face it, it's more believable than his story. So sorry OP - it doesn't sound too good.

It's certainly a new version of taking the shirt off, or rolling up ones sleeves!

'Hang on there buddy boy until I take my wedding ring off'.

Yes, unfortunately OP, he is without a doubt, lying.

Did he cheat or just flirt without ring? He owes you some specifics

The most obvious explanation is he went clubbing with his friend (who is faithless) and wanted to look single to help him pull. The story about the fight is laughable, or at least the bit about taking his ring off is, he might have been in a fight.

The question is, though, is this the worst offence ever? I wouldn't take a wedding ring off but I might go out and chat and even flirt, if anyone would want to bother (I'm a bit old for that scene now). I wouldn't assume he was definitely doing more than that unless you had evidence.

I'm not sure where you go next, but you know he's lying, because you know him very well and his body language says lying. I know when my husband is lying, he pauses just a second too long before speaking. I think you are right he's lying, but not necessarily that he's done anything beyond get drunk, and go clubbing with his stupid colleague. How you drill down into the story is another matter.

Notime the mood in the house is subdued as he is rough with hangover.

When there is a big night they can stay out that late and although I hate it I have never said don't go and the trade off is he sleeps downstairs so as not to disturb the rest of us.

I think he took his ring off when he left the company party and they headed into town to appear single, I will never know if anything happened, and as the night went in he got obliterated and came home having forgotten all about taking his band off. Fucking twat.

Its not looking good, Onedayinthesun. I am sorry.
I think what some other posters are overlooking is that it doesn't matter how frequently other people remove their rings, or even not wear them at all, the relevant fact is that your DH never removes his.
There could yet be an innocent explanation. I know its unlikely, but its not impossible. Good luck (and keep that ring hidden until he decides that he cares enough to look for it).

Are you going to try and talk to him further? You've been together a long time and you deserve better than this.

Even if the rest didn't sound so far fetched, and you weren't saying he is lying, "It's the truth" would ring alarm bells for me.

It's certainly a new version of taking the shirt off, or rolling up ones sleeves!

Maybe he was imitating a girl from the Bronx in the 90s. "Oh no he didn't! Here Rochelle, hold my shit!"

I can't talk to him again tonight, this has to save now until tomorrow.

I just feel a real sadness tonight :(

You have all been really helpful, will continue to update over weekend x

Sorry OP it doesn't look good.

Does his suit look like he has been on the ground?

Is he going to the police about being assaulted?

If he has been upto no good this may not be the first time. Just the first he has forgotten to put his ring back on.

Have you considered you may need an STI check up to make sure you are clean?

So sorry oneday. I hope you find out the truth and he starts acting sorry.

I'm hoping he was, as other pp said, just acting as wingman and maybe flirting a bit, while getting spectacularly drunk. Not that that is great, but it's better than hooking up with someone.

I suspect he didn't think you'd notice the lack of a wedding ring this quickly - hence the huffing off - he is trying to bide some time to think of a plausible excuse/lie!

He's a complete and utter bollox. The only shred of hope is that he went with the fuckwit/MD to a stripper club and felt obliged to take the wedding ring off to conform/get promoted. But he did nothing.

Tell him that you can understand if he took it off when in the nightclub and that you don't mind if that was the case - call his bluff.

I'm so sorry Oneday, you need to talk to him further. Let him know you were very worried all day.

one-day.
That's tough.
I don't think you can 'never know' what happened. That will tear you apart.
Big difference between playing along with boss and cheating imho

I would just like to say ... dh used to go out a lot with a colleague who was married but always on the pull.

But I have always trusted him 100% - even though he often drinks far too much - and I think that just because your dh was out with a similar character you should not jump to conclusions.

There is a general tendency on MN to see the worst in our dh's. But I'm going to go the other way and say his story is not so implausible.

I hope everything works out for the best for you both.

Why wait until tomorrow? You're hardly going to get any sleep with this swirling around your mind. I understand that this is upsetting but you really need to have this discussion.

You've got plenty of support here

Do his clothes look scuffed from hitting the ground?
It's the not knowing that's so destroying.

When he was explaining to you why he took his ring off, did he seem nervous, edgy, surprised. Did it seem like he was lying?

I think that just because your dh was out with a similar character you should not jump to conclusions.

But OP clearly knows what his boss is like, so he should just be honest. It's clear from his body language that something is up.

Sorry op. Usually the simplest explanation is the most plausible despite posters kindly tying themselves in knots to think up plausible explanations.

I worked in the city as a twenty something I'd say about half the married men were shaggers. Most of the wives didn't have a clue. It has made me cynical. My friend was at a client event the man she was talking to subtly removed his wedding ring as they politely chatted. Her and I had a good laugh afterwards - she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. Not so funny for his wife though.

doesn't look good, does it?
i don't believe his version of events.