Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

waving I don't think it's an unreasonable request at all! ie, ''if we're together uninstall tinder''.

I hope I won't disappoint yall if I said that bear did come back to my house. We had a really nice evening. Wandered between a couple of really nice pubs and had food too. I met him at 6pm off his train. I did say that for me nothing had changed and said it wasn't a tactic, it was just what suited me. (to only have sex in a committed exclusive relationship) Well, here's where I got confused. We ended up in bed and it was really nice to be with him, we didn't have actual piv sex as they say on mumsnet, but he gave me three........ happy endings. And he got none himself. Then at 13.30 we were still in bed chatting and I realised I@d better get ready, so I had a shower and I chased him out of the house to go and meet hforarry. I put on make up and jo malone grapefruit scent in front of Bear to go and meet HforArry. I only answered the questions he asked... ykwim. ''h a r r y'' 49. Looking for a relationship, yes. teenagers. finance. So is that wmlb or is it not wmlb!? Ha ha. Hadn't been thinking of it like that.

Anyway, I got to the coffee shop to meet hforarry and realised that we are to meet tomorrow. Janey mackers. Few texts passed back and forth and luckily he doesn't seem to have ruled me out for being thick so we're meeting up as planned tomorrow. Glad it's tomorrow.

I would wait for him to come back to you Waving.

You've said your bit so why not wait and see how he reacts? If he's interested in you he'll let you know soon enough, it will then be up to you to establish the terms. Are you happy to sleep with him on a casual basis or do you want the relationship to be exclusive?

He won't think you're unhinged, he'll just realise that you have some self respect.

Yeh, it's a difficult conversation isn't it? I have no idea what other irons this Bear has in the fire. Probably a few. I wonder if the easiest thing to do is to mention it generally on date 1. Men often ask if you've met many men? (They want to know how you're doing! how grateful you are for their attentions). So I wonder if the best thing to do is to say it early in a general way on the first date ''oh loads! but so far the ones I liked also looking for an exclusive relationship lived too far away or xyz chain smoked {insert as applicable}

guys I want to try tinder but im not on facebook

is there any other way I can sign up to it?

Sum, sounds like you're having a whale of a time! Three happy endings is good by any standards!

I'm soon to be single and can't wait to have happy endings. I'm on POF but don't feel I should post a photo of myself until my divorce is finalised which will probably be the end of February. In the meantime I'll just have to enjoy looking.

Not unreasonable AT ALL to say that you don't want to sleep with someone who is also seeing other people.

Of course, it's also not unreasonable for him to say that in that case you should stop seeing each other.

dublingirl I don't think there is any way to sign up to Tinder without Facebook. You don't have to have an actual REAL Facebook account though.

Here's a slightly dodgy-sounding website that I assume is telling you how to make a fake Facebook profile so your partner doesn't know you are on Tinder, but could equally be applied to creating an account when you just don't have one.

Slightly less dodgy website maybe with possible explanations of WHY Tinder would make the decision to require Facebook login.

Right now meeting Mr Tigger on Wednesday after he whatsapped me a few times and again today. Both of us have been too busy with work etc to meet up before.

He was mentioning he'd seen me On OKC yet he's now off it I think.... I just said I was browsing which I was but... It's not like we've even met yet.

Sum yey! Check you out!

Start yey!!!! Good on you!

Waving oh Waving are you sure you should see MrSoho any more? It seems it's making you doubt yourself? You are entitled to put any terms on a relationship you choose. They don't even need to be reasonable! Hungover can make the feeling of vulnerability worse though. Maybe Mr Writer is a better bet? Knowing where you're at with someone is really important in itself.

Paddington the hair pulling is a bit worrying. Eww... Block! Next!

All quiet on the western front. Exchanged a couple of messages with a really lovely looking chap on Bumble. But he averages one message per day! Frustrating!! Had a few messages on ZOOSK and POF that fizzled out by Christmas and have gone totally quiet. After a bit of (ahem) messaging there may be the prospect of a casual rendezvous with a guy in a couple of weeks time. Naughty me. Never thought I'd consider that but I definitely am!! Eek!!! I think my ovaries are having a last minute surge before shutting down or something

The rest is very meh.

Kids are with the ex this week - I'm getting a lot of practical jobs done

Sigh........

Handy you are using Bumble too? I started today. Any tips or comments? So far the quality of pictures has been much higher than Tinder.

Yeah I'm almost sceptical about Bumble - the pics look almost so good I'm wondering if they are real. Do you know what I mean???

waving yeh, in your shoes I'd ditch soho once and for all whilst it's still you that can be the one to draw a line under it. Rather than him thinking, ok, I've got this other newer woman to string along now so I'll ignore waving's texts. I'd get in there quick to tell him that he's not what you're looking for so good bye and best of luck. Petty?!

I definitely wouldn't want to use anything that linked to my facebook. I was looking at the fb page of a woman I work with and it says ''*gemma is looking for and interested in men" which would be way too embarrassing for me.

I'm childfree this week too. Waving, now I know I can't talk! - having shared a bed with bear last night, (although we didn't do anything til the morning), but If anybody says to me "I don't want anything too serious" from this point onwards I'll cheerfully think thank you for your honesty and say "oh well that's a shame, it was nice to have met you....." I cannot have a stable full of these guys.

I am sure I'll see Bear again. He knows that he's not what I'm looking for and so it might have been a tiny bit in his face to stand there selecting a first date outfit with him in the house earlier but he knows I'm looking. I accept that he's unavailable. So, he's the only one I'm going to tolerate this 'don't want anything serious' nonsense with - for a few reasons, at first I thought he was spoofing when he said he was moving to a city about 200k away. But it turns out he wasn't and he was going to stay in a hotel last night so in the end I thought to myself, I have my head screwed on about him, so I invited him to stay here. I don't want a long distance relationship. I like him but I can recognise that he is not exactly right for me. He's a bit childfree. I don't think he could ever fit in to the life I have with children in it.. Although he fits very well with the me here on my own. But the reality is I have children.

the pics look almost so good I'm wondering if they are real

I'm being optimistic and thinking that only men with GOOD PICS will go to an app where the woman has to make the first move.

If you think you don't look good enough for a woman to chat you up, you wouldn't bother.

If Mr Writer is mid 50'S and lives in Essex there is a story to tell. PM me. Is Tinder any good? Has anyone met anyone from it?

yes do that waving. you're entitled to have your own agenda. remind yourself of it.

I've had to say to a couple of men now "well, if I were just after sex, then I'd go down to *local bar name and send a tray of Guinness over to a table of young men!". Sometimes before even meeting him. If they think I'm high maintenance for wanting somebody who's open to an exclusive committed relationship then they're definitely not worth an evening out. I've never been this up front before though. I was always a bit apologetic/ashamed of having my own agenda.

i'M in bed watching luther with a cup of tea!

If you tap on the name it moves up - usually only a very short blurb if anything (but same on Tinder).

I've had a match, sent a message, received a reply and it appears not to be a robot so either there are real men on there or they are paying call centre workers to type replies.

fairbalance I dated a guy for 2 months from Tinder and have heard of longer success stories.

It's not just for hookups, unless you want it to be.

It's very easy to set up which is both good and bad - you have to say "no" a lot.

Newsflash
Just had a wonderful flurry of messaging over the last 2hrs with a lovely looking/seeming/sounding guy from Zoosk. Seemed to be very much on my level and definitely attractive. He lives 50 mins away. This led to a very honest and easy discussion (instigated by him) about kids and priorities. I told him I am not moving my kids' lives for anyone. He is the same (has one child similar age to mine). We ended up talking on the phone! And we ended up talking about betting copper coins on the same flipping card game with family when we were kids! Just when you think it's all poop....... So..... I'll call him MrCarrotMuncher or MrC

Got to work tomorrow. Wide awake! AAARRRGGGHHH!

I'm so much more excited than I should be. um..... slap please!!!!!

Do it! You'll feel better for it. I've been telling all the men what I want, but only very recently. I told bear exactly what I'm looking for, and it's the first time in my life I was ever so unapologetic about having my own needs. Bear kind of played devil's advocate with me a bit but I stuck to my guns and said it's not to do with anything moral or conventional, I just know now that "that would be what would suit me best". I said it so unapologetically. It was a first for me. And I'm glad I did, because now, even the dynamic between Bear and me has shifted. It's not me wistfully hoping he could be who I would prefer him to be.... now he knows I haven't taken my eye off my main focus, and that my real search is still on.

Date with hforarry today. Looking forward to it I think. I have a feeling he'll be a nice enough bloke. I'm 5'2 and he's 6'2 so I'm kind of surprised he messaged me. Maybe that's stupid. I don't want to feel like a complete midget next to somebody. But we will be meeting over a table in a coffee shop, we may never get to the point where we both stand up at the same time! so I'll dial that concern back in.