Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

Anyway thanks all for helping me stay strong and be cautious which was the right thing to do as it turned out. ( bugger )

I avoid anybody who says ''no bunny boilers'' or ''no drama queens''. To me that is a red flag, code for "I take absolutely no responsibility for the cruel and insensitive things I've done in the past. I've used and abused and women haven't gone away quietly quickly enough"

I know that mightn't be the case every time, but most of the time I read that on a man's profile, that's what I conclude, looking at the the rest of his profile.

tanyadm I know I shouldn't laugh but "I drive a jaguar"

Well, that'll shave twenty years off your real age won't it. NO!

Actually i drive a very nice piece of German metal and another old lump of 1750 horse Diesel engine and I don't give a monkeys about my age it's what i am, and it's what it is and that's that!.

Morning everyone!

Welcome laugh and glad you found us britmod.

Re the discussion about being yourself when dating. I think It's hugely important to be yourself from the off, how can you not be? But I also think it's really important to hold back a little emotionally etc when you first meet someone and not vest too much time/ emotion/ attention on them until you both feel it could progress somehow. Does that make sense? For me this isn't game playing, it's protecting myself, especially in the early stages. Re being called a bunny boiler? Lol, that's laugh out loud funny.

lacob what's the latest on Mr Forest?

sothathappened Is this an ex you are talking about?

destiny wow. I don't know how you managed to restrain yourself from a naughty night with him. Block. Move on.

waving you seeing mr soho later today?

Anyone else have any upcoming dates?

I do, today and tomorrow!

A while ago, I went out 3 times with a man, I'll call him Bear. Enjoyed the dates so much. And then he told me he didn't want a relationship - but that we were both adults and physically attracted to each other. I shut that right down. Told him no. Reprimanded him a little in fact and thought that'd be the last I'd see of him. We met as friends a while back but ended up kisisng. No more than that though and we are meeting later as friends. But I won't sleep with him. So atlhough Im looking forward to seeing him because I know I'll enjoy his company, he's not what I'm looking for so the search must continue. Leading to man number two, I'll call him HforArry

Another tomorrow with a man I haven't met. His messages seem promising! easy going, normal, funny sometimes, but he's not trying to be funny. this one is five years older which is more promising than 2 years younger.

I'm messaging another guy who I might meet up with (I think he wants to as well) but he has his kids for a week. I couldn't cope with another date this week! This guy is about 3 years older than me and his circumstances are very similar so it'd be worth meeting him.

ps toosassy, I really agree with that, be yourself - so pointless otherwise but remember to hold back a bit. sometimes I feel close to people quickly (the wine, the two of you being there with no other people present) and I feel inclined to tell too much. And it's not that these things I share however many years back is so very bad - it's that i felt it was appropriate to offer them up on a first date. That's what makes me wince the next day when I'm re-playing it all!

Yea for me holding back can be the same as being yourself, you don't have to give your whole self away right away.

I guess for me it's a bad sign if I'm asking for others if I should text/not text, if I feel that id have to play some game to keep someone interested.

If I'm into someone I like to be able to pick up the phone without thinking.

Can't remember if on this thread or another but someone said game mistakes don't matter when it's meant to be....

So true - when I got together with my sig ex. I contacted him when I wasn't supposed to. I didn't turn up for our first date because of a panic attack. It was a catalogue of disasters but somehow written in the stars!

Oh, I totally agree about not giving away too much early on, I'm not the most trusting of sorts, so I'd never do that. But strategising doesn't really appeal to me either. Having said that, it's probably why I'm very single. Oh, and the being honest about being a feminist mum of two on my profile, if there was ever two things that were going to send the majority of men screaming for the hills....

I apply the rule if this isn't making me feel better or making my life better then why do it?

Very well said Stand

Apologies for only being a bystander on this thread - I decided to take a break and will start again properly in 2016.

tanyadm does it have leather seats? And a CD player player player player? :o

Trills I so wish I had thought of that as a come back!

Toosassy not much of an update re Mr Forest. He's gradually going quieter, which is fine , as there were a couple of major things that didn't sit right with me.

Have since been talking to a couple of other men and one looks promising .

I may have made a faux paux with another chap.... He'd looked at me a couple of times and the site said he wanted to meet me, well when I looked at his profile (only 1 face picture) it said that his height was 3ft/ 91cm.

I messaged him to say, was he sure that all his details were correct on his profile, but if they were then my apologies (didn't directly refer to height).

This was 2 days ago and late last night, I had a request to chat. Now too terrified to do so, as may get a rollicking - lol. Oh, and his profile details have remained the same .

Waving Good luck with Mr Solo today.

Just an update.

My dinner and movie date with Mr Builder went well.

I invited him back for coffee which is totally unlike me but was actually lovely
Totally not what I had planned to do as was slightly petrified having been out of the game for ahem a fair while (.....years!!) but just kind of felt right.

Anyway still prob only a short term thing as I think he is on the rebound (& tbh so am I since this the first bloke since my divorce) but he is just a nice guy and we click so reckon it could just be what we both need for a while.

He has texted me this morning too so not done a runner yet! Actually I weirdly wasn't overly anxious about whether he would text. I think I had built the whole dtd thing up too much - worrying about what I look like etc etc (not helped by my twatty ExH telling me how unfannciable and crap I was before he left) when in the end Mr Builder had the same hang ups and a bit of honesty (and not taking yourselves too seriously) is all you need.

So far, so good. And to apply my rule from earlier, this is definitely making me feel better

Hi again
Waving: hope you have a great time with Mr Solo and good luck with Mr Writer.

Sum: hope your dates go well.

Start: Go you lol just enjoy it.

I had a date yesterday and thought it went quite well but then when we kissed goodnight he pulled my hair! I'm sure he thought he was being all passionate but I was extremely embarassed as we was in the middle of a carpark, mentally crossed him off my list at that point.

start glad you had a fun time & most importantly that the experience is making you feel better!

Paddington what's with the hair pulling thing? . Bit to much force me thinks..

too

I think for a little bit of (non-painful) hair pulling while kissing I would give it ONE
"don't do that, I don't like it"
but no second chances after that.

Because it's weird and icky.

I have signed up to two new apps today.

Bumble - like Tinder but women have to send the first message.
At first I thought Why would I need that, on Tinder I already only get messages from people I've said yes to?, but I figure signing up to an app where its USP is that women are in charge would be a good pre-filter to get rid of assholes.

The other is Once - supposedly you get one match per day that's been assigned by a real live human.

Trills it wasn't just the hair pulling he texted me a very detailed description of what he would he likes to do in the bedroom (sorry if too much information) and it was out of my comfort zone so we decided not to take it any further and parted on good terms.

Please post a review of your dating apps I am getting bored of POF.

Hmm, I agree there.. no thanks

21st Dec when he last sent a message - was that before or after he said he had stopped? It's not on for him to be sending messages if he says he is not. But if it was before you had this discussion then it's probably not a big deal.

I stopped using Tinder in Nov and was getting match messages from the app for a good couple of weeks - clearly from people who I had said yes to a while ago. So getting a match message does not mean you are still "using" it. Just that you haven't entirely uninstalled (which I expect a lot of people don't bother with, they just stop going on).