Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

Some bullshit about spells to keep your man. It pops up on threads now and again.

Well I've been chatting absolute filth with Mr POF tonight, which may not be everyone's cup of tea but I've enjoyed it!

Oh Right!

A spell,lol. You can also get a voodoo doll in Tiger for if the spell doesn't work :-p

Waving must be having a good time! Can't believe how selfish she is not updating us from the loo.

Right, bed. I need to get back to GMT before work on Wednesday.
I've been up half the night for weeks now. Sleeping 'til half past ten.

Ah Waving, we missed you/made correct assumptions. Glad you had a great date!

I have messaged an unfeasibly pretty artist who came up as a mutual like on OKC. I don't usually message first, but sounds lovely and incredible eyes. Back to artists and musos - comfort zone!

, loo update = the update you send your gf's when you've snuck off to the bathroom. Never done those. I've either binned disastrous dates (some FUNNY stories) or been too busy gazing into their eyes.

waving need waaaayyyy more info than that! You're really falling for him Hun, just be careful.

MrBanker has already been binned. Politely.

Who else has dates this week?

Well, pretty artist, let's call him Bee, has replied already. Always a good sign. He looks like the guitarist from one of my favourite bands. ❤️

I am so bloody fickle!

You may be right - one (does he deserve a name yet, I'll call him Mr Designer) replied right away. So must be fairly keen. Or just bored on the train to work.

I think you are at the point of no return in terms of being careful with Soho, Waving! Update us when you can...

Another message from Bee, already having divulged his real life name. Have to go to work, but hopeful of chat later. Definitely instinctively more my type.

lampshady I may be a bit late with this advice, but I think you should go on the date, UNLESS you are feeling particularly fragile.

If you don't go, you'll always think "he won't fancy me".

If you do go, it might be that he doesn't fancy you.
And/or it might be that you don't fancy him (in which case you wouldn't want him to fancy you anyway).
Or he might fancy you.
Many more interesting possibilities, and if you've enjoyed chatting then you should at least have an enjoyable couple of hours.

If you think that having him say "no thanks" in a polite manner after your date will make you feel a lot worse, then don't do it. But that should be the worst outcome you can expect.

lamp, I agree with Trills. I find myself taking a "what have I got to lose" mentality to it, despite not being very confident, and being newish to OLD.

Go for it. If it doesn't work out, it's still good experience of going out and meeting new people. I had a date yesterday that has only resulted in a friendship, but that is ok, because at least I have taken the plunge and proven to myself I can do this, and go have a nice conversation with a complete stranger without going to pieces.

lampshady, I'm going to put forward a counter argument though! I found your post and I want to warn you that I met my children's dad (an abusive man) when I was recently dumped and feeling very upset and vulnerable. ALthough I didn't talk about it to my then new bf, I really believe now that a good man would have found my vulnerability UNattractive. My x found it attractive in that he could capitalise on it.

Yes it's just a coffee. But I think a stranger's opinion of you can feel like it defines your worth when you're feeling very low. Either he will be emotionally intelligent enough to sense that you're not ready and he will back away, or he will be unconcerned by the fact that you're not ready. The first would be infinitely preferable but might leave you feeling worthless.

Ooh, now I also agree with 314. I re-read your post and obviously it's all still very fresh and you're in a rocky place emotionally. It's easy for me to say 'go for it', when I haven't been in a relationship for 18 months. Just take care of yourself, and you'll know when you feel level enough to try again.

Tanya right am jealous, so many arty types !!

Trills good on Mr Designer. Whether he was bored or the bitchy side of not replying right away appeals to him, it does not really matter. Slower pace = better quality convos IME.

Waving yay!! Really happy for you and looking forward to that update!

Arty types!? Beware, beware!!

My last real life boyfriend (and last boyfriend, never got near that far with OLD) was an artist/student. In fairness to him he was doing a course in graphic design or something to try and apply his talent to something more commercial, but in the meantime he lived in a room in a rented house (in his early 30s) and it got a bit wearing after a while. First few months were OK because it was all so new. But then I though, hang on, I work 20 hours a week, I've two children, and I'm treating this guy to significantly more than 50% of what we eat/drink when we're out. He was also a vegan which I am supportive of in theory because I'm not a huge carnivore by any stretch and I love vegan food but it was very restrictive. Because we couldn't eat out (although I've managed it fine with Bear and he's vegan too) artistboy kept suggesting to me that I cook him another vegan meal. This time with a little less paprika? lol. god he really settled himself in. He told me where he'd put the tv if he lived with me. I said to myself 'you'll never live with me'' and out loud I said ''ha ha! it's staying where it is''. So I'm perhaps a bit wary of artists. My old artist thought he was a Buddist too. He was very angry when I finished with him though. I longed to tell him "you're very angry for a Buddist" but I sat on that text.

He also said a few things that play on my mind even now. Like ''do you ever wonder what it might be like to try heroin?". I said no, I do not wonder that. He said it twice. It made me wonder if he had tried it once and wanted to discuss it. WEIRD.

Ahah, I am aware of the potential pitfalls of the arty types, but all the ones I have bothered with, I have checked they have jobs first! Bee was out to work at 8 this morning so am assuming day job, sideline as artist. We are both doing that dance of serial looking at each other's profiles...

Yup Tanya, day job and arty "hobby" is a good balance. Exactly what I am looking for!

314 i know what you mean but somehow there are also a lot of non arty lazy knobheads around.

Hi everyone!!

314 aside from the heroin I'd say there's loads of men like that, maybe more arties from what you are saying, but MN is full of non arty cocklodger stories and I've been stung myself.

waving yay! Was starting to get worried about you last night. Glad it went well, look forward to hearing more.

lamp I'd go, but have your wits about you and don't give too much away about yourself. Keep it "light and breezy" and no expectations, you might not like him but the date (with him or another) won't be so daunting.

Less stressed now I've blocked the sleezy message man. That was awful! I don't know what's going on today but
MrWine (lives abroad but here a lot) has said he's in town in couple of weeks but it's DS birthday so I will decline. Think it's probably just a shag he's after.
Mr Bones is lovely and funny and asked me on a date this Sunday, but I've got loads on so we put it off with view to set up in couple of weeks, and then... (get this)
Mr Specs is incredibly lovely, seems sincere and genuine, mature and best written long messages I've ever seen on old wants to meet me, but he is 17 years younger than me!! . That's a no isn't it? Tell me that's a no......right? 17 year age gap is madness but he seems incredibly mature (he's 25). I normally delete and block anyone more than 7 years younger, I know how they have form for thinking we are an easy lay. Tell me I'm being stupid even contemplating this one.

Greetings everyone, thought I'd share my experiences. I've swung through here on & off under various names but now I'm just on the cusp of settling down with a new man & deleting my dating account. Here's my journey:

Mr old (met online) - fashion photographer, nice respectful, held hands & kissed but didn't want a sex life, wtf? 3 dates & he bit the dust
Mr fat (online) - a stonking 17stone no less, but I thought i mustn't judge the book by the cover. Had one spectacular all day/night date at a 5* restaurant & boutique hotel in Mayfair - after txting for 2 or 3 months. It fell apart because he chose to bullshit about his job & it was a role I knew inside out. (said he was in N.York then Belgium, Paris etc etc) He got the hump I sussed him out & that was the end of that.
Mr Italy(online) - investment banker & olympic gold shag. 5 months of fabulous wall-to-wall top quality sex but sadly he wanted children & I can't have them so regretfully we parted.
Mr Fabric (real-life) Lovely & friendly but a bit dim to be polite. one meal only.
Mr Brighton - ONS during which he couldn't get it up. twiddled his nipples excessively like he was tuning the radio!
Mr Jewish - middle aged rugby & cricket obsessive. One coffee, absolutely no chemistry whatsoever.
Mr Neighbour (real-life) dirty fecking married! neighbour who tried it on big time & trolled me. Dirty bastard, I SO wanted to tell his wife but didn't.
Mr Jazz - drummer, alcoholic, chain-smoker, unemployed - wanted me in an exclusive relationship but wouldn't kiss/hold hands or consider sex???
Mr SouthAfrica - 'I had a drugs bust in my flat in SA' - mid 50s, unemployed, sleeping on a mates floor, lunch & nothing else.
Mr Gymbunny (real-life) married, lots of fun but sadly there was no way I was going there!
Mr Oneeye (real-life)Widowed, very normal, respectful, no chemistry.
Mr BodyofaGod (real-life) also married, so no.
Mr Delivery (real-life) funny, made me laugh, he arranged a date & then forgot about me - lucky escape!
Then...
Mr Puregold - easy going, happy, great family relationships, loving, attentive, generous, kind. We met for a coffee & I was quite frankly 'meh' before I arrived so I didn't dolly-up much, but we hit it off so well we chatted from mid-afternoon till they chucked us out at closing time! Have seen each other every single day since & it's now 6 weeks. He tells me I'm his priority in life now, he drops everything for me if I call. We often chat straight through the night & it feels like 10 mins! He's introduced me to everyone he knows & I spent xmas day with him & his family. I really didn't think men like this existed. We're quite loved-up & best of all we only live 10mins apart. This has been my best Christmas ever.

Well folks I have 2!! dates lined up this week now. The first is tomorrow night with mr sex who I am now thinking may just be a bit over-flirty as he seems happy to go out to a bar for the evening when I previously thought he was just hook up material so nervous now! He has been a lot more chatty now we're on whatsapp.

Second date is a long time coming, we have been messaging for about 6 weeks and struggled to get a convenient time when both of us are free to meet up. Well he is coming over to mine on Friday night for a takeaway and wine as he doesn't finish work until late so we shall see how that pans out

Omg, that's funny. What a journey! You worked hard to find mr puregold. You deserve it the effort you put in. I'm after mrpuregold too!

I won't go in to as much detail but so far

*mrWhatIreallyNeedIsTherapynotaDate" (his wife cheated on him with his friend, his house is in negative equity, theycut his hours at work and he's growing apart from his dd)
mrIthoughtWeGotonGREATbut always too busy to rearrange (I wasn't attracted to him though so, it would have been 'a grower' if he'd stuck around)
mrboring that's all the comment I can muster
pompouspilot oldest man I've ever been out with at 53. Looked through me. Coughed the whole way through the date. 3 big spots on his neck. suited and booted like he had his own tailor though. Looked animated briefly looking around the restaurant I chose, I could see him thinking 'I'll take somebody better and more ladylike here. When we left the restaurant I was about to say 'nice to have met you' but he RAN.

bear still on the scene. Like him, clicked, mutual attraction but between two cities atm and claims he's not able for a relationship. With me anyway.

nokidsat50 another one not ready to date but he needs to crack on and he knows it, this guy mentioned his xw's unsuccessful ivf, their fight over their dog. so he let slip rather than upfront told me that me he'd happily date me while still hoping to find her. I didn't explain and he didn't analyse why that mightn't be a great offer and texts every now and then. Bear is still concurrent so I can't be bothered with nokidsat50
H is number 7 which is lucky in chinese.

Bee does have a day job, but also is an illustrator and hopes to make that his actual job one day. So not a dossing sponger, which is good. We've had some nice 'getting to know each other' messages (skiving on first day back at work). I did send a slightly flirtier one mentioning his resemblance to aforementioned favourite band guitarist though.... Don't hang around, me, now I have found my feet with OLD!

oh good! always nice if a man has a job that keeps him busy some of the week at least :-p

You bounced back from TS quickly indeed, well done. I can't be bothered lining up more rectuits at the moment. I'm kind of waiting til I see how date with H goes. There is one guy on POF who I could probably get along with well, but his picture whilst not awful at all isn't calling me. There are some interesting parallels in our circumstances though and I'm trying to message him just often enough that he doesn't write me off totally but nor does he suggest a date. Tiz a fine line.