Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

I can see I have four messages but the site is so slow. Must be crashing under all the new registrations?!

Haha Twiggy you go girl!! Good luck with your dating marathon!

I too am ready for a "date outfit" conversation - what do you all wear? Dress up day-to-day outfits or more "full on"? I have to admit I now have a first date dress and good luck knickers
*
Lamp* welcome!

Prizey wow that was a liiiiittle bit OTT indeed. No idea what to do with Bubbly here. We have a lot in common but I am not looking for a clone of myself minus handcuffs.

Waving remember loo updates. I am bored. Haha.

Twiggy Hi, I know what you mean about being put off by somebody who's on line all the time!

The one man who arranged a date with me, exchanged phone numbers etc, he was on line all the time, I'd noticed it before I figured out that actually, we weren't meeting! And my theory was that early in the week he messaged about five people for a date friday night and then about thursday he decided.....

Waving! yes loo update please.

Have just put TS out of his misery.... Onwards...

oh dear. Torture. I hate that.

Well done tanyadm onwards......

Have had a message from potential casual hookup type chap. Seems intelligent and together and he has proved a genuine interest in common he just not looking for a relationship right now. I can. Not. Even. Believe I'm considering that.

But I think I am.

I'm such a bitch. Mr A messaged me earlier. & I ignored it. He just messaged me again saying 'have I done something wrong' and I just chickened out and said he hadn't but that my head was in a weird place.

Yup. There is no way of saying "let's just be friends" without sounding completely clichéd and insincere!

Jolly, I have two nice dresses. One bottle green and one maroon, and they're both what I'd call winter dresses, long sleeved. For the first dates I've worn dark skinny levis (they're flattering) and a really plain blue top with zips on the hips. It sounds boring but I suit plainer fitted clothes. Nice earrings, hair, make-up etc...
if it gets to a second date, I'd put on a dress!
Bear has seen all my clothes now, so it's a good job we've reached an impasse just at the point where he's seen all my good outfits. I only started wearing dresses on dates because he was so complimentary about my dress sense. Weird comment from a man who wears t-shirts and hoodies. I said to him, so here I am in a karen millen dress, you gonna up your game at all next time we meet up and he laughed. That'd be a no then.

H was wearing nice tommy hilfiger sweater. I can't wait for thurdsay but I'm also nervous. three dates is when you discover that they only want sex!! :-p :-p

I'm afraid of the chorus, "....... but I don't want a relationship"

H doesn't sound like that type, from what you've said?

There's an "always on" in my area, whose profile starts by saying he is an ex-porn star, and he looks like Danny Dyer. Seriously, who is the woman who thinks "ooooooh" to that?

Wow. This seems a bit of a surprise, but ok.......... H wants to pick me up and take me to the cinema on thursday. Why not? he mentioned liking the cinema and so do I. Maybe I chatted to much the first two times we went out and he wants to see if I can 1) shut up for five seconds, 2) if we get on without alcohol. So I will roll with this, but I won't roll around with him in the back of his car. OMG, actually, of any of the dates I've been on this is the man I feel the most physically attracted to so I will have to keep ahem, a tight rein on myself. He wouldn't be so vulgar as to expect me to shag him in his car though, would he?!
I don't think so. I've been out with assholes in the past though. A normal decent (but horny) man wouldn't expect that would he. He wants to see that film with Eddie Redmayne and Alicia Vikander so I'd be disappointed if that's why he wants to drive around!!!

No, most men wouldn't expect that!

phew. Before I had psychotherapy, I experienced a lot of crappy behaviour. He's obviously decent. We're deciding between The Danish Girl and joy. I want to see both.

lol tanyadm who indeed!? there's a lid for every porn pot!

Sounds like a lovely date. x

TS has been very gracious and classy. Hope he meets a lovely woman.

Right. The last two dates we ended up drinking, eating, drinking.......... so I reckon he wants to see if we can chat to each other sober.

Oh good for TS. Was it his lack of confidence that made him unattractive? So many men are like a blank canvas in their looks, or their 'level' of attractiveness I think. Their personality, their ease in themselves, their confidence and so on, it makes or breaks them.

A very ordinary looking guy could either win me over totally or his identical twin brother could have me running for the hills

Aye, he is too unsure of himself and I can't be the person to have to build someone else up, too much else on my plate, and just want someone more confident and sparky. There was a lack of physical attraction too, but I wouldn't have said Northerner was a hottie, but he has a fun personality and I felt really comfortable around him. RedDrummer also, unusual looking, but something about him, unfortunately presumably taken, seeing as he rarely logs in.

"have I done something wrong?" Oh dear. Luckily I haven't met up with any men who've then wanted to meet up with me and I haven't wanted to meet up with them. It's been the other way round, or a mutual revulsion, or just mutual meh.. The guy who told me all about his x's failed ivf, he wanted to see me again but then when I said, hang on, when was this? thinking it was about 5 years ago, and he said February (this was in about October) I just said to him, buddy, what the hell are you doing propping up this bar. I literally finished my drink and said take care.

I know what you mean.. I can't build up somebody else's confidence either. And I don't think you could, even if you had the time. Psychotherapy Graduate here.... another person can't be the basis of your confidence or happiness. It's sad though isn't it?

I know what you mean N0More re the attractiveness. It's got a little bit to do with looks, but ultimately it's so much more than that

Ok been chatting to MrTree2 (as I'll call him). I asked him to tell me a bit about his kids (messaged a fair bit by then). Unfortunately this in the same message as asking him to let me know if he wants to meet.....

I say unfortunately because his answer was that he has 15yo twins who he has not seen for eight years I'm sorry but for me that's a MASSIVE RES FLAG. What the hell to I say to that (other than byeeee), I mean, what possible reason could there be????? What do I do now????????

I'm getting battle weary now. Even though I really like H, and he is the best so far, and what am I up to now, 7 in the flesh (it feels like more but it's only seven) and about 100 lunatics that I've corresponded with.... I am still writing to a man who lives near me. Just often enough, not trying to force it to a head so that he asks me out because I don't know if I could cope with that right now.

I'm nearly a psychotherapy grad.... I'm still work in progress!!

Whoah. wrt not seeing his twins for 8 years.

Fwiw, my x is a controlling, misogynist, prone to verbal and financial abuse and when challenge with reason he can be physically aggressive too, but here's where the rule gets confusing, he has never, ever unfortunately forgotten his kids. So it is not a total overlap there, good man & good father... but it is a big red flag alright