Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

Can I poke my head around the door to ask a question?

Is online dating only for the "beautiful people" or is it for everyone these days?

I said I'd help a friend get an OLD profile set up, but she's quite socially awkward and not what you'd call conventionally pretty.

She's got loads of great points, I'd love her to meet someone and would love to help her do this - but I suddenly had a bit of a wobble - am I throwing her to the lions? Do you need a tough skin for this? Will arseholes be nasty to her?

If not, do you have any advice on which site(s) a slightly sensitive, beginner OLDer should go for?

Insomnia, that's what made me crack and message bear at 1 am last night. I'm glad though. It actually prompted a very forthright discussion. I no longer feel at risk of falling for him, at all. I like him, but I could tell you why I wouldn't want to date him now.

I looked in my email and I can see a few men have added me as favourites but not messaged me! Well, I'll have a look on the 6th.

Oh by the way, the two things that I thought I had on on Thursday, one is on Tuesday so the relief I feel! Phew!

Hmmm, waving I get what you're saying re Mr Writer, but I think it depends on how the last lot of messaging has finished.

Mr Welshman messaged me late last night to say he'd popped down to London and back within the day (220 mile round trip) and was knackered! It was a short messaging spat. I messaged him today to say hope you've recovered & away we went... Wouldn't do it all the time, but I don't see why they should always be the first.

Yes, I am not a passive person. I think, once you get to the point where you know you'll be in touch at some point, I'd say ''look I'm not a passive person, if I want to text you, I will''. The sort of man who feels ''hounded'' by a text can take himself out of my game really.

After three dates, you shouldn't need his permission to text him! Obviously he can ignore it, take days to reply, reply immediately, but that in itself is useful information.

tangerine maybe get your friend on here? I certainly wouldn't describe myself as 'beautiful' so scrub that one immediately!

Your friend will need to have a perspective of what she wants and remember that there are arseholes in OLD and in RL.

tangerine for everybody! It's like real life. I shouldn't have tortured myself looking at the women but there is a wide range there. Same as the men.

In fact, tangerine, let me link you to an interesting article

read this!

Tangerine yes you do need a thick skin that is for sure. I would say it is best to go for sites where you can actually say something about yourself. I am not conventionally beautiful either and a bit awkward too, and I think an honest profile helps. I have had a lot more quality dates with OKCupid than Tinder. HTH

Have registered with CMB, seems pretty good actually, although perhaps a bit limited in Scotland, as with many of these things.

TS is properly charming, and not in an arrogant, cocky way. Just lovely. I joked about him standing me up, because he has had issues with timekeeping and boiler troubles this weekend, and said:

"Also, I've never been stood up before, new experiences are always good....."

To which he responded:

"You won't experience that one tomorrow."

For someone who claims to be socially awkward, he's good at this.

Aw, that's nice tanyadm!

I've never been stood up either but I'd arranged to meet a man and I'd even given him my phone number, then nearer the time, I just figured out, we weren't going out after all. That was bad enough. Why bother! Or maybe he was trying to get a friday night date with as many women as possible and then make his decision later in the week....

Urgh, that's gross. What is wrong with people?!

Waving, yes, I know what you mean with the cleavages, I noticed that too! I think I look very classy and clever compared to some of the competition in my age band. A lot would be better looking than me but the last few have told me that they liked my profile.

I've often thought about being beautiful. Does it make it easier or do you just get ignored by better looking men, messed around and strung along and lied to by better looking men? Unless you make a conscious decision to date down (and it is not human nature to do that) maybe it makes no difference.

The OK Cupid data blog was brilliant
(where the Mail got that story from!)

Very interesting. I think it wuold be the same for men. I avoid messaging the obviously handsome ones. The few times I have, they haven't responded.

How do I let someone down gently? Went on a date last night with a really sweet guy, but the spark just wasn't there for me. He's really keen but I'm not and I just don't know what to say. I don't want to just go silent on him because I've been on the receiving end of that and it's not nice.

I'd leave it until 12.00 to reply and keep it fairly short but not brutally short. Hopefully he won't respond straight away.

Men can be quite intuitive too I think.

When you say 'sweet' do you mean boring?

Mygast precisiouly that- no spark! You can meet many men, that you're comfortable with, but not long-term compatabile with. Better to tell him now.

Just tell him that?

314 now that is brutal- lol! But made me laugh.

My way's brutal! I'd rather be waiting a few hours longer than anticipated on a reply than to be told ''there's no spark''. Because if he's keen then for him there was a spark.