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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

999 replies

SweetPotato1 · 17/12/2015 01:12

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin
  3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens
  5. Trust your gut instinct
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  8. If it's not fun- stop
  9. Loo update is mandatory
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
Goldfish21 · 02/01/2016 12:24

I like the sound of the long and interesting messages TS sends. I find it so frustrating getting messages of just a couple of lines, and/or not asking any questions. I don't want or expect an essay, but just to feel a bit of thought had gone into the message would be nice. I really hope there's chemistry when you meet!

tanyadm · 02/01/2016 12:28

So do I, we have had properly in-depth conversations online, it would be awful if it was just a bit of a damp squib when we met! He's lovely, asks lots of questions about me, my job, the things I like. It does feel like there's a connection, but what's the worst that can happen, even if there is no spark, we've both made a new friend with common interests.

That's what I'm telling myself to diminish the terror of meeting him in person!

NoMore314 · 02/01/2016 13:19

Wow it sounds so positive. if he sits down opposite you and your first reaction is a bit of disappointment that he's not as physically attractive to you as you'd hoped, it may still grow.

have to go and meet dc now! Sad only jokin
x

HandyWoman · 02/01/2016 14:01

Ooh tanyadm yey for Monday! Monday when??

tanyadm · 02/01/2016 14:09

Monday 1pm!

MyGastIsFlabbered · 02/01/2016 14:11

I'm going to print out the rules & pin them somewhere where I can see them daily.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 02/01/2016 14:23

Shall I divulge my disastrous last date?
We chatted on Tinder, had a few naughty conversations and arranged to go out on NYE. I was free last Monday and suggested we meet up for lunch. So we went to the pub, he bought the first round, we were then looking at food, I said I'd get the next drink but that I needed to get something to eat. He said what he wanted to drink, but then gave me his food order too. I was a bit gobsmacked that he expected me to pay for his food but let it ride, thinking it would possibly even up over the day.

We had a few more drinks then ended up at his place...he pretty much pounced on me as soon as we got in there and I admit I was drunk & horny so we DTD Blush(twice) although the second time he told me off for doing something he didn't like. (God this sounds worse by the minute). We were chatting about all kinds of stuff, and I'd told him previously that I wasn't offering exclusivity, but when I mentioned I'd been on a date with someone else he got all huffy.

So anyway, we went out for more drinks, got fairly rat arsed, we did take it in turns to buy rounds, then went back to his place for another shag. He then makes noises about me going home so I got dressed, he walked me to the bus stop but then left me there and went home.

After all this I asked him if we were still on for NYE and he said definitely. But during the day itself he was a bit pissy so eventually I asked him if he was looking forward to it, he replied 'not really if I'm honest' so I said 'shall I not bother then?' to which he replied that was probably for the best.

Haven't heard from him since and I'm fairly sure I dodged a bullet there. I didn't even like him that much but I was pissed off at being home on NYE!

tanyadm · 02/01/2016 14:26

Definitely dodged a bullet. Freeloading and sulky - not attractive!

WavingNotDrowning · 02/01/2016 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 02/01/2016 16:18

Yeah actually I am fine about it. Have a date with someone else tonight so fingers crossed!

Justaboy · 02/01/2016 16:53

Humm as to the DTD time I may be old fashioned but to me its something you do after at least 6 or more dates but then again the last time i went 'a wooing go dating was some 20 odd years ago now. Nope!, probably further back than that as the last lady i married for the second marriage was living here anyway for various unrelated reasons.

Whatever happened to romance is it deceased nowadays? I didn't see the Obit in the Times;!

tanyadm · 02/01/2016 19:45

I don't think romance is dead....but alcohol plays a part in people's decision to DTD on the first date. I haven't formally dated before. Previous partners have been friends/friends of friends. So Monday is technically my first ever date, and no deeds will be done!

NoMore314 · 02/01/2016 19:54

Flabber, u are well rid of him. Think of it as one day in isolation.

I wouldnt have sex for a good while and not out of any moral inclination, or prudence, or tactic!!!! I just dont want to right away.

WavingNotDrowning · 02/01/2016 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lacoba66 · 02/01/2016 20:28

Waving sometimes it's good NOT to get messages.. I've just had one which said, it was his brother in picture 2 that was interested, and I was to contact him on Facebook.

This guys profile is funny as f**k! His first language is not English, but that aside, he explains that he has come to England "to get my teeth fixed"! Best laugh I've had today.

My week long contact with Mr Welshman, appears to have tailed off, Que sera! Mr forest, it turns out has a and I'm quoting "a monkey that he has to feed" which apparently translates into a methadone habit (albeit prescribed).

tanyadm go girl you for Monday!

Trills · 02/01/2016 20:34

Well, either nobody likes me on Bumble or people are not feeling very date-y right now. I've swiped yes to LOADS of men today and have not got any matches.

HandyWoman · 02/01/2016 20:38

Same here. Just tumbleweeds here. Bumble
man went silent. Just seen MrC on POF and brought up his profile to block him, then realised there is no blocking! Oh no!! Now he will just think I'm checking him out! Nightmare!!

tanyadm · 02/01/2016 20:41

Thanks Laco! I'm nervous / excited. I also counted that we've exchanged nearly 180 (mostly not short) messages since lunchtime Thursday. I'm sure that breaks several OLD rules!

tanyadm · 02/01/2016 20:43

I read an article, I think in the Guardian, that said that tomorrow is OLD peak day. Just you all wait....

WavingNotDrowning · 02/01/2016 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

N0More314 · 02/01/2016 20:54

That was a good article. It's all been said before but that writer made me laugh a few times.

It's so true that you meet people in real life, and they might even be slightly flirtatious, but then when the course/class/journey ends, they just become shy and walk off.

so many married friends believe that if they weren't married, their friendliness in super market queues and in the gym would get them to dates. I don't think it does any more.

tanyadm · 02/01/2016 20:56

Definitely not. People don't communicate in that way anymore. Smart phones and iPods/iPads have seen to that.

TriIls · 02/01/2016 21:05

Do you think they ever did?

I am not convinced that being chatty in a supermarket queue was ever a popular way of finding dates.

InvoluntaryCelibacy · 02/01/2016 21:20

Hi everyone I tried to read all your messages before joining thid thread but I only managed 8 before skipping right to the end! I've been single for a while, and I've been on a couple of dates but I've always found reasons not to persue them any further (one guy saw my daughter and she didn't smile at him when he said hello and she smiles at EVERYONE!, and the other guy well I invited him out with my mates and he spent just a bit TOO long looking at one of my friends). I've been speaking to people on whatsapp but blocking anyone who gets too clingy too quickly.

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