Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

Handy go see for yourself would be my advice. And down a shot of bourbon before going, helps getting rid of unnecessary stress

Jolly you are bloody hilarious. And probably right....

That piston heads thread is great fun!!!

Wow, even men talk about dating!! Who knew???? There's some great humour on there! I shall revisit.

waving I'm with the others on here, soho is doing your head in, bless you. I think you really like him. And I don't think he is helping by sending such mixed signals (things like the holiday invite). I think this is a guy who has said it as it is. He's not looking for anything serious. Whether you'd slept with him 2/5/10 dates in I don't think that stance would change. I'd pull back on contact massively in your shoes truth be told and start focussing on others. For the sheer reason that he is doing your head in. Give mrwriter and others a chance. Soho needs to up his game and then some.

nomore your bear likes you!!!!

tanya ooooo keep me posted!

jolly if you have an iPhone you can delete their number and if they then text you your phone will 'suggest' who it is. It's my tactic and I will use it mercilessly. If it doesn't they will get a 'sorry, who are you response'. I'm a bit mean me...

handy oooooo alarm bells would be going off for me too!! Firstly on the picture of child before meeting. Secondly his lack of retaining any info. Either this guy suffers from short term memory loss or he's messaging A LOT of people.
If you didn't meet him, would you always wonder?

Hello to everyone else. Have a fab NYE all, am about to head down to a monolith of a party hosted in a hotel for kids/ families. God help me, am not drinking tonight, am a single mum with two boys. Anyone else think this is going to be hard work!!!!! So long as the boys have fun it'll be worth it!

Here's to 2016 you fabulous people!!!! We should (if we dare) arrange a meet up.

Mmmm Sassy 'would I always wonder'? I think the question is more 'would I kick myself in the nuts for getting into this when I had massive reservations and my gut was screaming at me from the off'???? I want a straight up relationship, I don't want to be ignoring red flags. Ignoring red flags is not an option. Repeat, NOT an option.

I might spend tomorrow night reading 'Getting Naked Again' instead of meeting MrC. Started the book last night - it's brilliant!

I agree with the analysis Waving, way too much too quickly. I am not sure blocking and moving on is the answer though. I talked about this with my dating counsellor of a brother and it looks like step 1 is giving the guy some space. His take is that if the guy is into you he will first be reassured you are not locking him up in "some kind of fantasy relationship" Aouch and second will start missing you which should lead to third : arranging a date. I am giving this a go with Popcorn. Will monitor reactions and keep you updated of the thread's guinea pig for the "space theory".
So no blocking yet, and more messaging the others.

Writing this I feel like a baby bitch in training And it feels amazing, haha.

It's a book, Waving and is fab.

Handywoman that is frightening all right! The wait might be over?! for sex? that'd be less scary than the wait for the woman to fix his life, yikes! I'm laughing wondering what on earth the thing he'd have to explain face to face is. maybe another one I agree with waving , I'd guess it's that he's still living with his x. A good question to weed that out is "so, what did the children make of your separation?". If the children don't know, it hasn't happened! But then, maybe he's on methadone, or a cross-dresser. I'd love to be surprised! :-p

waving don't worry about sex for now, you're allowed to take quite a while to make up your mind if you want to. And it's for the best you've deleted this guy's number by accident. I'm sure he'll be back in touch at some point though.......... if you see his message on whatsapp, don't even look at it for a day or two!

I might check out that book on amazon too. I was in an abusive relationship 8 years ago, and I've had psychotherapy. So I like a good self help book,I've read the sherry argov book too! I was in no state to date when I read it but it helped me understand how I'd gone wrong.

Jolly it was years ago now that I had therapy but I can't imagine having a therapist to talk this stuff through with! I bet the advise is all a bit ''ouch''!

I'm not going out tonight. I marie kondo-ed my clothes, shoes, toiletries and make up. So my room is very very scarily tidy. If bear could see it now, he'd think a psychopath had moved in and taken over. My x (children's Dad) might finally give me some approval ah no, steady on. I've the rest of my possessions to marie kondo yet. I'm going to eat thai curry and drink wine and watch crap on netflix now. Good job I've got a date tomorrow. I might feel a bit flat otherwise.

too sasy yes that pistonheads dating thread is hilarious! If there's nothing on netflix I may end up reading another 20 pages of it :-p

oh sorry jolly I misread that, You meant your dating counsellor of a brother! oh, ha ha. Right, still very useful. I don't talk about that kind of thing with my brother.

Ooh I'll look up Sherry argov, Nomore I have also had psychotherapy after an EA marriage. Still going with the therapy. Only been six months but had changed a lot already and moved me much further along.

That's why I think I'm gonna call MrC's bluff, and cancel. Something's amiss. When people tell you who are you listen, right??

Yes, it was funny. Not a serious self-help book but better than the rules. Far less sappy. Part of the message is the same but coming from sherry it's funny and less passive.

I'm reading marie kondo's book at the moment! she must have been a kooky child growing up. She did no activities, had no hobbies, she just threw out her siblings' things!

I read Lundy Bancroft when I first left my x. Very useful. To see that somebody somewhere acknowledged that there are people like this. Then later I read Anne Dickson's a woman in your own right and that was very helpful. I really spotted the reactions I was having that were caused by injured self-esteem, and I know she says don't diagnose other people but I can see the difference now between ego and self-esteem very clearly now.

handywoman I'd ask him outright to tell you what the thing is now! I mean maybe it's "I'm not 6 foot I'm five foot ten".

But I admit, I don't think it's that. I think it's some thing you will not want to hear and holding it back until after you've communicated a good bit already, it's disingenuous of him.

nomore I Marie Kondo-ed my bedroom a couple of months ago! It felt amazing...I wanted to start on the kids rooms..but they dared me

waving I'm with everybody else too, I think you've done the right thing by deleting soho, as difficult as it is. At least it's good you fancy Mr writer so you never know?

handy personally, I would go with your gut instinct. I've ignored mine too many times in the past and regretted it, what does he need to tell you face to face that he can't tell you over the phone?

Sassy I agree the pistonheads thread is...well...enlightening! Male psyche, interesting indeed

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful night, however you're celebrating. I'm at home with the kids, they don't want to go out, so celebrate at home we shall! Here's to a fantastic dating 2016

rubyshooz I know my dd is going to get home from her Dad's and although she gave me strict instructions not to kondo her room, she will be jealous when she sees my lovely psychopath-fit boudoir My son though, hmm, I'll have to bribe him to "allow" me to kondo his room at some point.

It is, disingenuous is absolutely it, after such a lot of messages.

I don't think it's appropriate to send pics of your dc if you haven't even met.

Plus he forgot two basic things I told him during a string of messages when we were discussing our setups and whether it was appropriate to meet and 'what is important'. He said all that stuff was important.

Feels a bit like love-bombing now, yet at the same not really finding stuff out.

Messaging MrC now......

Yes so it's all about him. You're just there to reflect him.

Sending you a picture of his child, it's like he's forgotten that the first date is just a drive by, show up, whaddya think of each other. He's read too much meaning in to your messages. Yeh, maybe you're right! when I type it back I am thinking red flag too.

ooooh I'm on the edge of my seat here!

Sent. Awaiting response......