Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

I can't sleep because of storm Frank. Kept up by Frank tonight :-p

I am going over the night Bear slept here and thinking that although I really liked having him here, I said one thing and did another and generally behaved like an inconsistent horny old g o a t. But on the plus side. I'm not missing him. Just feel awkward, like I behaved a bit shabbily getting ready to go out on a date with another man in front of him. But is that fair enough when he is the one who likes me but doesn't want a relationship?
I must just let it go. No point driving this thought around my head all night.

How would you define the difference between dating and being in a relationship?

I have been seeing someone for 4 months now. The moment I felt we were no longer dating but in a relationship is when we startes to refer to each other as "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" although in the language over here that seems less teenagery than in English.

Morning everyone!!

Wow so much to catch up on! Some of you sound as though you are having some cracking dates!!!! Go team!!! I'm back at work and in awe of your dating skills. I genuinely can't be arsed over the hols. Jan 4th is when open season begins again.

Am I the only one who'd run a mile if anyone said 'relationship' near me? My idea of commitment is going on more than one date. No wonder my friends despair of me.

MrTree has stayed perfectly on form and stayed in touch throughout the hols....good lad. I also travel to a particular Irish city with work. Have dinner plans lined up with a nice looking guy when I'm there in Jan! One in every port and all that!

For all of you with NYE parties. Put your best lippie on and pucker up!!!!

re that line in between dating and 'relationship', in the past I would have thought 'you just know' but reading mumsnet (not this thread, other threads in the past) I know that when the time comes, I am going to take a deep breath and say that I don't want to sleep with somebody if they're not intending to be faithful to me. I am going to check it and then say, sighn here Also, I want to be able to ring and text when I want to! Not wait til they text me and just reply. I am going on all these dates and my eventual goal is to find somebody. But yeh, it would be a big deal for me to bring a man home to my tiny house 880 sq foot house with two children who do a fine line in condescending sneers, and its really thin walls. How does it work? having a man in your house?

sassy one in every port!

"waving* when I couldn't sleep last night I constructed an email to Bear but thankfully I backspaced over it and went to bed.

waving well I can see why ''ok fine" and then also "but I'm not looking for anything serious'' leaves you confused. We could all go round in circles! You define 'relationship' and then you have to get them to clarify 'serious'.

In the past I have said to one man, a rl person not OLD, ''Well, I am certainly not going to marry you!". ime, even if men are worried you're going to develop serious ideas, they still get a shock when you flip it round. They're simultaneously doubtful that they will be around to reply to your texts in six weeks, but if you tell them quite categorically and definitely that you would never marry them, they're like 'why not'

The urge to message Bear will pass. It will. More coffee now He knows how I think. I know how he thinks. NO point saying anything. So I'll put the phone down. Back away. Move slowly towards the kettle.

Decided to take myself off Match. It seems illogical to be paying good money to be passed over by a lot of decidedly uninspiring menfolk.

Anyone recommend other sites? Didn't like Tinder much, but might rejoin. Soulmates had a few good quality, but not many in my area, despite being a largeish city.

I was on one called parship, a subscription site, and it claims to match you by personality or compatibility. I entered in my search criteria, not too rigid at all, ie, no more than 8 years older, taller than 5'7" to have finished school at least, and it only presented me with about 17 men in my (wide) area. I think I've exhausted that tiny pool now. I couldn't even go back and be less choosy. I'd already clicked don't mind for smoker/non smoker, kids/ no kids. The men I met on the free site have seemed far less entitled or fond of themselves. The worst man I met was off the pay site. He was very entitled and boring.

Hi all, have been lurking for a while but didn't have much progress to post!

Have been on tinder and OKC but I am abroad so not a massive amount of choice apart from people on holiday which is not ideal!

Have been chatting to a few guys on tinder, met one of them who looked nothing like his photo and did nothing for me which made me feel a bit shallow as he was an ok conversation.

Out of the others, had a full day messaging session with one on Monday and agreed to meet tonight, ended with good night and speak Tuesday then yesterday he had disappeared!! Was most annoyed as he could have just said he changed his mind. Another guy Mr Rugby I have been talking to for about 6 weeks but he works shifts and DS is with me every other weekend so we haven't been able to meet yet. Also he lives about 40 minutes away but we have spoken today and definitely going to arrange something for next week.

There is 1 other I have been messaging but he will just be sex dates I think as doesn't really seem interested in details but I can cope with that!

waving I'm on Eharmony for the most part it's actually not too bad. I had a six month relationship fling with a guy, who unfortunately turned out to be a twat, but that's not the sites fault I've actually met quite a few really nice people on there, one who's become a really good friend and occasionally shag! It's a different concept to the other sites though, you don't just message first ( although you can if you want) you go through a series of questions first, this can be useful for sorting out the wheat from chaff.. If you want anymore info just ask..

I've been taking a (very short, but feels like ages!) break from dating over the festive period..but decided to join up to Pof a couple of days ago...swiftly came off when it matched me with one of my friends and he thought I was interested! Slightly uncomfortable

So I might just wait until the new year, I'm not sure if my hearts really in it at the moment I had a date lined up for Last Sunday and I cancelled because I wanted to stay at home in my pjs eating chocolate

I have sacked off Match, and am on OK Cupid, and have been mutually liked by a properly cute young man - two years younger than me, but has a daughter, so won't be weirded out by my having children, a la Northerner (who has still been flirting with me on messenger a bit, silly boy). Watch this space...

Hello all !!
Cannot believe the amount of dating going on here while I was hiding in the back of the woods without internet access! Good job!

Waving I have learnt the hard way that holidaying with a date can "make it or break it" - but if you are ok with the idea of just enjoying the moment and waving goodbye when you get back then I think you should go. But I am a slow learner so...

Re telling men upfront you won't out up with their casual no string attached ideal I think it is a great idea. Just not sure how technically do you do that? Somehow I feel it may make even those who want a relationship run away.

As for the updates: MrIkea is regularly messaging, he is very nice but a bit dull I think. Will try to catch him in the new year and go on a second date. Before Xmas I also talked with two other prospects : MrSoppyEmoji is really lovely but also dull and uses the "angel" emoji that really grates me. I had told him I wouldn't keep on messaging because I had met someone Popcorn and seeing I was back online he wrote to "check on how I was doing and wish a merry Xmas". Nice. I should stop being a bitch and reply right?
Second prospect is going to be MrSparkyEyes. Doing ok on the messaging front and wow seems to be well, a hunk. I am quite excited at the idea of going on a date with him in the new year and see for myself if he actually has a sense of humor
Last, the Popcorn update: after the 3 days "Titanic" date and when I realized he was spending a lot of time online I sent him a long text to tell him I needed some time off, that I may have rushed into the idea of a relationship thank you Xmas spirit and I had other things to sort out before I could consider taking things further with him. He replied that "he really understands it" and wished merry xmas. Been silent since but cannot blame him for doing what I asked.. My rookie mistake : I thought giving him some space would make him change his mind about the "casual" dating and chase me down. Argh. Typing this even I am confusing myself.
I am such a mastermind not

Hey everyone

Clocking off for the day. London is a ghost town, homeward bound for me!

sum I have no idea how it would work bringing a guy back to mine. I wouldn't do it if DC's were home. If they were with my ex, then I'd still feel weird. Not crossed that bridge yet, when I do I'll let you know!

waving you know what? Re the holiday offer, I'm going to make it really simple. Do you want to go and do you think you'd have a good time? If the answer is yes to both then go. He obviously likes your company and enjoys sex with you. He wouldn't be asking you otherwise. However don't expect it to mean anything more based on the messages he is sending you.
Re dating apps, I am on Bumble. I like that you can hide your profile and so far I have only messaged one particular guy, we are going for dinner soon. Let's call him Mr Pilot. Haven't got time yet for any other apps. Will probably try Happn at some point and then that's me done.

ruby we've all chosen jim jams over dating I am sure!

tanya ooooo exciting!

jolly give Popcorn more time, it's far too soon for him to to try and reverse your 'I'm not ready' convo. He will pop back up when you least expect it. Re angelemoji guy? Ignore instinctive reaction at your own peril!!! I'd continue to ignore.

Hi to everyone else. I guess we're down to no dates left in 2015?????

Hello everyone, hope you don't mind me popping in.

I have been single for a loooooong time now 5 years and I was fine about this up until around now.

I have been feeling a wee bit lonely and starting to think I may put tentative lines out to look around the dating scene. I am a single working mum and would find it tricky to get out and about often to find someone in a bar etc so was thinking of online dating.

Does anyone have any recommendations for an extremely tentative, unclued up kind of person? Don't mind paying if you think it will help.

As you were

Hello all, and thank goodness you are back, Sassy my first question here was going to be WHERE IS SASSY???

So much to catch up on here been at work needed first. MrC has been messaging brilliantly today, and wanted to take me out to a lovely eaterie in the city but of course my next child free night is Fri 1st Jan and pretty much everywhere is CLOSED!!! Hahaha!!!!! We will see....

waving no date set yet, need to sort my travel plans out and then I'll see.
Oooo. You also have our last 2015 date with Mr Writer! Have fun. You'll figure out the soho situation, I say do what makes you happy. Re your bumble connection, msg within 24 hours or they are lost forever apparently. I lost a fair few due to cantbearsedism.

mrslannister welcome to the thread!! I think a lot of the online dating apps have varying degrees of success dependant on where you live. Based on what fellow thread posters have said, the popular dating apps appear to be tinder, okcupid and plentyoffish. Fellow daters have I missed any of the others? I'm trying out a newer one called Bumble which is fun.

handy awwww thanks. Nice to be missed! Well done to MrC, fingers crossed somewhere is open on New Year's Day. Any Gastropubs near you?

Hi Waving, there are a couple of local apps but some of the locals who use them are really bad! One guy who I had not even seen his profile sent me a message that said "hello beautiful lady, I give you good sex!" Seriously he looked about 70 on the picture but it said he was 32 (5 years younger than me!)

At least with tinder a lot of brits use it so more likely to find someone who speaks the same language haha.

Thanks Sassy and choccy!

It's all a bit overwhelming! I have no idea about how to set up a profile etc and keep seeing 'don't' lists about what puts people off

You have given me a starting point so ta

First date of 2016 arranged. Going out with hforarry! He's very straightforward I think. I mean, it's early days and we mightn't get beyond 2 dates but I don't think I'll get sucked in to this Bear not a relationship-relationship shit again. Excuse the pun. I haven't texted him. What is the point.

I give you good sex [bucket]
omg!

Mumsnet has done me the world of good. I was explaining to her why I had to get Bear to leave so that I could go on a date with uncomplicated hforharry and she knows I was really in to Bear and she doesn't get why I did that. She woudl have cancelled hforarry but I'm so glad I ddidn't!

tangent.