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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please tell me I'm right (unless I'm not)

136 replies

Bloodyhellfire123 · 14/12/2015 20:42

Just been for a scan, should be at least 10 weeks pregnant but measuring too far behind..diagnosis missed miscarriage. Scheduled in for an op on friday under general anaesthetic.

Need someone to pick me up and stay with me afterwards.
Obviously assumed dp would be there for me. He's made it clear I'm an inconvenience to him. Actually asked if I could reschedule til next week when he's off work. Then when I said no asked if I could just take the tablets to make it pass (painful and according to consultant only 30% success rate). Then he said he couldn't get away from work early so I'd have to wait at the hospital for a couple more hours.
I cried and said he was putting work before me. He said I was being a dick.
He begrudgingly said he'd do it. I can't believe he's making me feel guilty. I think he's also pissed off coz he was meant to have a work night out on Friday (not official christmas do) and will feel like he can't go. If he does go. ..I'll be furious.

I'm not in the wrong here am I? !

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/12/2015 21:13

That is a real shame. You deserve much better than this.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 14/12/2015 21:15

He called you a dick! I refer you to my name. I'd add 'now fuck off', for good measure.

Donthate · 14/12/2015 21:19

The only possible explanation Is that maybe he's hurting too and being a twat to cover up his feelings, still being a twat though. If not he's an absolute massive twat of the highest order.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 14/12/2015 21:22

You're worth so much more than this.

BlueSmarties76 · 14/12/2015 21:22

That's so sad you have to go through this. He is horrid! Flowers

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 14/12/2015 21:28

Here's a grip. For 'd'h.

I have tried to write a couple of sentences about the care of his wife and lost child, but I can't get the words out.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Joysmum · 14/12/2015 21:31

Could you ever imagine treating anyone else the way he's behaved towards you?

Why on earth would you stay with him when he's like this towards you Sad

bleedingheart · 14/12/2015 21:33

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I hope when you have physically recovered and feel a little stronger emotionally you will be able to get this callous and self-centred fucker out of your life. He doesn't even care enough about you to pretend to give a shit or pay lip service to it.

WLmum · 14/12/2015 21:38

How truly horrible. Poor you. I was devastated when this happened to me and cannot imagine having an unsupportive dh. His attitude is horrendous. I hope all goes well for you and that you are ok.

Original poster
Bloodyhellfire123 · 14/12/2015 21:41

Thank you. I'm pleased it'll be sorted at least physically for Xmas and I can concentrate on dc's second christmas.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/12/2015 21:41

I have had two miscarriages. I can honestly say that how my DH supported both of us at this horrendous time only strengthened our marriage. This is not how it should be, love.

diddl · 14/12/2015 21:43

He's not just being a dick he's being nasty.

"shut up you are boring me now"Sad

I've never been spoken to like that even when I have been burbling on about trivia!

ENtertainmentAppreciated · 14/12/2015 21:47

You've said you'll stay with him and it's your life and your choice. All I can say is that IMO you'd receive more thought and more care from a bystander in the street.

I wouldn't have the time of day for someone who treated me as an inconvenience or responded to my miscarriage with 'shut up, you're boring me now' let alone someone who responded to by tears by calling me a 'dick'

I'm sorry this has happened to you and hope you recover ok Flowers You're entitled to be upset. Work stress doesn't cause a decent person to act like this, his behaviour is inexcusable.

AnyFucker · 14/12/2015 21:47

I would not stay in the same house as someone who told me I was boring them.

MyMoneyIsAllSpent · 14/12/2015 21:49

Oh dear. I've just skimmed this thread but read enough to know you do not deserve this. You deserve so much more! He is not good enough for you, not good for you.

I am so sorry for your loss. Bless you. I hope you find the strength to get out of this situation.

MingZillas · 14/12/2015 21:50

I honestly can't believe what I read OP. When I had a mc, I felt emotional pain like when my mum died and I couldn't imagine going through that without my dp. I'm so sorry for how your dh is treating you, it's shocking and callous. You deserve much better than this. Sending you prayers and strength to get through this.
I'm so sorry for your loss x

loveyoutothemoon · 14/12/2015 21:53

This would be a huge deal breaker for me. What a horrible thing to go through and he's being a complete arsewipe. He should be there for you, he should drop work. His attitude stinks.

Archer26 · 14/12/2015 22:04

I don't normally comment on relationship threads as I often find it hard to see the wood for the trees. But my god he is being such a twat.

And again I usually roll my eyes at the ltb comments. But seriously do you want to continue with this? This would be a deal breaker for me.

So much Thanksand Cake for you OP. Focus on yourself, ignore your do until you feel ready to move forward.

MsPavlichenko · 14/12/2015 22:05

I suspect that he behaves badly at other times, whether or not you are registering it. Years after I left my abusive H I still find myself drawing in breath at his behaviour (much of which I normalised). I had an ectopic pregnancy. Whilst waiting to have it confirmed my H went to do an overtime shift (didn't need to) leaving me with my baby DD, and disabled DS. He told me to call an ambulance if I needed one! Stupidly I stayed for another three years.

I am now in a relationship with a loving, supportive partner who has been there for me through difficult times. This is what we should expect from our partners. Do listen to what we are saying on this thread.

tellmeofthetime · 14/12/2015 22:14

You're boring him ??!!
Get this over with, get Xmas over with if you want, then quietly get legal advice, get everything in place and then tell him you're done with him, you'd hate for him to have to tolerate someone so boring.
He's disgusting.

EachVentureIsANewBeginning · 14/12/2015 22:18

As everyone has said, you absolutely weren't in the wrong to complain about the way he was treating you. Sounds appalling. Whether you stay with him or not is obviously a decision that only you can make, but he doesn't sound like much of a prospect for the future, does he.
And, of course: I'm sorry for your loss and hope things get better for you asap.

IamlovedbyG · 14/12/2015 22:26

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Bloodyhellfire123 · 14/12/2015 22:31

Yes I know he's being a twat. And yes, he is a twat in other scenarios too.
And I know it'll sound ridiculous to some...but I love him and don't want to leave. He isn't always like this and I feel blessed in other ways.

But right now I just want to give him a big kick and elicit some sort of magic grovelling response.

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 14/12/2015 22:35

V sorry about your miscarriage and that your partner is behaving so horribly. I wonder if he treats you badly in other ways too.

You are making excuses for him: work, that he took time off for something you wanted to do the week before (as people do in relationships! Hope he doesn't mak you feel you should be grateful). But there's no excuse for what he's said to you about this.

"Boring" him! That's downright nasty.

This is not someone you can rely on for yourself or your family. If you don't leave yet, keep your eyes open and don't become financially dependent on him.

Duckdeamon · 14/12/2015 22:36

Most people with tossers love them. And most tossers are nice sometimes.