Have NC'd for this, regular user, always very open with DH and occasionally show him threads on here. However, it would destroy him to read what I'm about to write.
I've read a lot on here about limerence, and infatuation, and a lot has been a little helpful. But I'm posting as much to just get this down because there is nobody in RL I can talk to and I think I am going slowly insane.
I'm a self-employed freelancer, but work loosely with other companies. A few months ago I started working with a new company, and have subsequently developed something that feels more than an intense crush on my main contact person. Obviously, I'm married, with a small child. Before I met him, I would have described myself as very, very happily married, secure, no money worries, both DH and I successful in our fields. Not smug marrieds (or at least I hope not) but frequently referred to amongst our circle as the happiest marriage around. I've had a challenging year professionally, but not what I would consider a tough year. I am wracking my brains to think of what circumstances might have given birth to this insanity, because you usually read - unhappy marriage, money woes, health issues, bla bla bla. I can claim none of these.
Sure, in nearly a decade of marriage, I've admired the odd attractive man and had the odd daydream for a minute or two (usually around ovulation!) but nothing that I would even term a crush.
However, this man has completely taken up residence in my head, my body, whatever and I cannot stop thinking about him. It's painful the way I feel when I stand next to him. Thankfully, I don't have to see him more than once a month. I am totally professional, and keep all correspondence to an absolute minimum and only ever work related. We don't socialise as such. However, he befriended me on FB, but not my DH (who is my business partner) which I found odd, and occasionally posts/messages me non work things. I never keep the conversation going more than is necessary. I am in a quandary over whether to delete him from our social media connections, but I think that would look very weird given that we have minimal interaction as it is.
He is divorced, and single. That's about all I know. I have restrained myself and don't look at his FB page at all. But any correspondence from him, no matter how brief or dry, literally makes me want to collapse with joy. I feel completely ridiculous just writing this.
I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I have lost a stone in a month. I cannot think. I feel absolutely awful. I have not asked for this. But the way he looks at me makes me want to pass out. I don't think I've ever wanted another human being the way I want this man. It's not even as though he is the most gorgeous man on the planet (although he is handsome I suppose). I've even thought about divorcing my DH and starting over, even before telling this man how I feel. I feel like I'm cheating on my DH and I've never said a word outside of my head until now.
I just want to rewind 6 months and go back to how happy I was before. Some days I just want to run away but I adore my child so much I could never do anything stupid. The worst thing is that I know my DH is wonderful and a total catch and yet now I don't even know if i love him. It is literally killing me. Last night, this man came to an event I organised, but I never got a chance to see him because I was so insanely busy working and the disappointment I felt today has been overwhelming.
Sorry this is so long. I just need a hand to hold, someone who has been through this to tell me it will pass. I'm trying to do all the things I've read about in order to get over limerence. I keep reminding myself that I am a capable, sorted, forty something successful wife and mother and try to shut down thoughts of him, but they come unbidden into my head and will not leave.
If you have been through this, how long did it last? If you managed to get through it and not wreck your life, how did you do it?
But the big question in the back of my head at all times is: What if this man is meant to be in my life? Because it is so overwhelming.
Thank you so much if you read this. I just needed to get this out before my brain exploded.