Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Emergency help needed right now.

161 replies

Soggybananas · 13/12/2015 11:13

My dc 16 has just told me that my dc 18 (who has a 25yo dp) last night asked them if they'd join in a 3some!!!!! It was a serious ask apparently. Dc 16 said 'no way' & is very disturbed. This happened while I was next door having a chat with a neighbour. WTAF?????? My head is screaming. Obvs words are needed. Help me.

OP posts:
thequickbrownfox · 13/12/2015 11:47

Why? Because the 25 year old has attempted to coerce a 16 year old to have sex with their sibling! Hello?

SassyPasty · 13/12/2015 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AndNowItsSeven · 13/12/2015 11:48

I would ring the police or child services. The 25 year old is inciting an illegal sexual act. However so is your 18 year old so it would be a difficult call.

thequickbrownfox · 13/12/2015 11:48

I agree, the 18 year old is vulnerable to the 25 year old partner.

Original poster
Soggybananas · 13/12/2015 11:49

Just had to nip in the 18yo room to get the home phone & was spat at 'Don't you ever step in my room again' Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/12/2015 11:49

So many threads about incest lately.

SoWhite · 13/12/2015 11:49

I agree with you Imperial. I think there is something fundamentally wrong with adults interested in people still of school age.

Sparklycat · 13/12/2015 11:50

Point out that dc is 18 and if they doesn't like you going into a room in your own house they can move out. You are in charge here not your incestuous child.

Original poster
Soggybananas · 13/12/2015 11:52

Does it matter it took me 14mins to speak to them ffs? I nailed it home believe me.

There is going to be a shitty atmosphere at home for a while now.

OP posts:
BumWad · 13/12/2015 11:52

Even as a 'joke' it is fucking disgusting

AndNowItsSeven · 13/12/2015 11:59

I think you are minimising what your 18 year old child did. They attempted to sexually abuse their sibling. You can't just keep this in the family. Your 18 is also possible vulnerable. At least call the npscc and get some advice.

magoria · 13/12/2015 12:00

Don't let you 18 year old treat you like this. Stop them and this attitude in their tracks.

You started strongly over this. Maintain your ground.

How dare they treat you like this over their action.

Original poster
Soggybananas · 13/12/2015 12:02

Never mind the dcs, how am I going to pick myself up after this? I feel terrible Sad That's the pre-xmas joy bubble popped. By the looks of my 18yo there will be a bad atmosphere for some time.

OP posts:
Maryz · 13/12/2015 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

capsicumcat21 · 13/12/2015 12:05

I think all the people jumping up and down going on about incest really need to read the definition of what incest is and yes the genders of the people involved is relevant.

Two sisters is not incest but brother and sister is and therefore not a criminal matter.

Obviously shouldn't have happened and no I wouldn't want the 25 year old anywhere near my family although (as I suspect 25 year old is male and the 18 and 16 year olds are female) then not a criminal matter.

specialsubject · 13/12/2015 12:06

remind 18yo whose room it ACTUALLY is. Also if the 16yo is 'very disturbed' then he/she has been subject to sexual harrassment even though nothing happened.

ask 18yo if his/her standards in a partner are really so low as to defend one who wants to shag the sibling too.

if 18yo flounces out in disgust, fine. It's cold and damp out there.

forumdonkey · 13/12/2015 12:06

If one of my DC partners had requested this I would be round to wherever s/he lives and be having a serious word with them too. The fact that they spend time at your home would suggest they don't live independently and possibly with parents. Despite being 25 I'd do it in front of them if he did. It's incest that was requested

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 13/12/2015 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 13/12/2015 12:08

I am assuming the 25 year old is a man as your 18 year old sounds like a woman. Of course the 25 year old could be a woman, wanting to sleep with two much younger men.

One thing: your 18 year old sounds like a spoiled brat, tbh. I wouldn't be tiptoeing around there and if he/she is about to spoil your Christmas, maybe they should spend it somewhere else.

Another thing: do what you can to make sure there isn't a pregnancy between the 25 year old and the 18 year old - the last thing they need is having to stay in contact after their relationship ends.

Btw, was there drink involved when the question was asked? Is the 18 year old trying to persuade him/herself that the question was asked when drunk?

Coconutty · 13/12/2015 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mintoil · 13/12/2015 12:13

I agree with PP - your 18 year old sounds like a charmer.

I would be sitting down and explaining to them that you have a duty to protect your younger DC from sexual predators, and if that includes DC18 then he/she will have to live elsewhere. I wouldn't sugar coat it. I don't care what is legal/illegal, there is potential for abuse here and I would not tolerate it.

All three people involved here could be male - is that why you have not mentioned their gender OP?

throwingpebbles · 13/12/2015 12:14

I think it is important to find a way not to alienate your 18 year old. The last thing you want is to push her away from you and closer to her DP (who sounds very inappropriate )

thequickbrownfox · 13/12/2015 12:19

I agree with Pebbles - don't agree with the kicking him/her out posts. It's very possible he or she needs a good chat and to know you were shocked earlier, but that they can talk to you if need be.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/12/2015 12:19

I'm going to guess that your 18 yo is a female, and so is your 16 yo, and the 25 yo partner is a male.

If that's the case, this isn't illegal. Still clearly morally dubious.

My concern would be that 18 yo is in a bad relationship with a man who is a fair bit older. He probably convinced her in a "your sister is much younger and therefore I'll always love you more" style, and they planned to style it out as a joke if 16 yo refused.

It's incredibly, incredibly unlikely that your 18 yo is in any way interested in your 16 yo, and so it's testament of how much control he has over her that she was willing to consider this.

It's also likely that he is upset that the 16 yo refused and that has contributed to your 18 yos mood this morning.

If I've guessed the genders wrong, though, there could be legal matters at play as well.

LauraMipsum · 13/12/2015 12:20

Flowers OP. You did the right thing confronting the older one.

Well done to your 16yo for telling you. Make sure s/he knows that you are proud of her for doing the right thing by stating boundaries and coming to you with concerns - s/he might be feeling bad for "causing" the upset. And your 18yo might be pissed off now (I would imagine s/he feels guilty) but s/he will recover, and hopefully this will give her a clue about her DP.

There is quite a lot of research being done at the moment about the effects of porn culture on teenagers and that teens, particularly girls, are feeling that they "should" do things like anal sex and threesomes to please a partner. A threesome with two teenage siblings is classic textbook porn stuff. Your 18yo isn't a monster, but when s/he has calmed down do you think you could have a discussion about sexual boundaries and partner-pleasing?

I would be having words with the 25yo too to be quite honest. Words like "predatory behaviour" and "illegal" and "my daughters / sons are not on this planet to satisfy your sexual fantasies."