Don't let your dd know that you hold her responsible for her dad's mental health condition. That could really, really screw her up and would almost certainly not result in more stable behaviour.
If she has dreadful PMT, you need to seek proper help with that, and make allowances, while also supportively helping her to manage it appropriately.
If she is old enough to be left in the house alone overnight, she is old enough to go out in the evening if she wants to.
The was nothing to stop your dh staying in touch by text and checking she was OK while he was on the road.
You actually don't have the right to think 'we've done SO much for you that we have a right to demand that you do x', especially on the spur of there moment. Your dd will, quite rightly, not be thinking that way. She will look at the demand in isolation, deciding if it feels reasonable, or intrusive and unnecessarily controlling. Most posters here agree that they would find it a rather inappropriate command (not a request!), meaning that the majority of people here would also have put forward a protest of some kind, had you issued it to them. It never works to treat your teenager in a way that most adults would find disrespectful.
You would have had a problem with your dd protesting, regardless of how she did it, because you'd decided she owed you one and this was the moment to call in the debt. That's not fair. It's not the way to treat a 17 year old, especially if the request doesn't make a great deal of sense in the first place.
You need to stop being a martyr. Don't do so much for her that you will feel hard don't by if she refuses your 'requests'. Don't do so much for her that you think she owes you one. Accept that there are limitations on what you can dictate to a 17 year old. Stop lunging on your sword and catastrophising when there is a set back. There will always be friction, it's normal to an extent. Accept that she had a right to negotiate with you now and has a right to consider each instruction on its own merits as reasonable or otherwise. She has a right to disagree and be listened to; if you are trying to dictate to her and then justifying it with a guilt trip, you are not leaving room for her to express herself reasonably. A 17 year old who is treated like a 12 year old will react like a 12 year old sometimes.
Count your blessings. You haven't talked about physical risk. Drug abuse. Shop lifting. Teenage pregnancy. Street crime. Self harm. Drunkenness. Stealing from you. Staying out all night. Lying. Having wild parties in your home (or even just a boyfriend over) the minute your back is turned.
In a couple of years, she will be gone. When you make martyrish scenes- 'you don't have a choice about this after all we've done for you and don't say no because your sainted father will shatter', she will be able to avoid you. Make no mistake, it will drive her away.
FWIW, I think you and your dh both sound a bit drama-lama-ish and unself-aware about how easy it is to be emotionally manipulative. Nor surprising that your dd has learned the value of a histrionic scene. Although I agree that her behavior is not acceptable, you do sound provoking, which asking for trouble if you already know that she's suffering from bad PMT(which is often mistaken for signs of serious mental illness!). The fact that you completely overlooked the positives in this situation (she didn't lie to you, she did catch the bus home, she is trustworthy enough to be left overnight, she clearly still asks permission for a lot of things) suggests to me that your expectations may be sky-high, which is probably further pissing her off. Just because you have decided to be an Extra Helpful Parent doesn't actually mean that she has signed up to be the perfect teenager.
This 'peace of mind' idea is confusing. What's wrong with your minds? Why would it help you to know your daughter is in the house on her own? The world is not so dangerous that she will be in grave danger at her boyfriend's house/on the bus. If your dh has anxiety problems, he needs to keep it separate from his parenting. If you're saying that she should be particularly thoughtful because she's responsible for his anxiety issues, you are massively controlling and rather screwed up. No one should live as if they are responsible for their parent's mental health; forcing them to do so will probably result in them snapping and unhealthy co-dependency.