The worst bit of being cheated on?

[MadeofCheese]

For me, the worst bit is that he knew he'd done it and was still doing it and he continued to have sex with me, while I was blissfully unaware. I feel very violated phyically by that part.

Justaboy, no, I'm not.

I found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks before I found the dirty pics and sex apps on his phone. My operation was only last September gone.

I agreed to try and sort it out with him, but yeah, he's still lying.

My baby is 'small for dates' now, I imagine stress, and that fucker is still bullshitting me.

So much pain in this thread. The explosion of my relationship with my XH was over 5 years ago now, and it was absolutely horrendous for at least 2 years after that. I discovered that he had been shagging other people throughout our 10 year relationship, that he had tried to seduce my (lesbian) friend, that he was having an ongoing affair with a very high profile person that had started within weeks of our wedding, and that he had been using her sexuality (she then identified as a lesbian) to deflect my questions about their relationship... Particular lowlights included having to move out of my home because a tabloid newspaper was looking to run the story. And telling my 4yo that his daddy didn't want to live with us anymore. And torturing myself by reading their emails to each other was grim but compulsive.

But it did get better. It took fabulous friends, antidepressants, a good counsellor, supportive colleagues, and lots of tears and time. But I really do feel ok now. Am still sad he wasn't a better person, in the end, but life is good.

novemberchild So by that it implies your still living with him, if so however do you cope with it knowing what you do?.

Hmmmph! And another one whose husband used prostitutes.

I know I only know the tip of the iceberg

Also feel bloody angry with the friend/s that knew. Course I only found out after the divorce, after 33 years of marriage.

If anyone wants to know what sort of man uses prostitutes

Well one type is short, fat ugly little toads of a man who think they were born with this divine right to be King Cock!

I agree with all that's been mentioned.

I'd just add for me it was the wondering what was wrong with me. I internalised it and wondered why on earth am I not enough, what else do I have to do? What can I fix? I made it my issue.

Now thinking back I realise it was all him. I couldn't do anything but I resent those years I spent trying to 'fix' it iyswim?

Have a think on this one.

My gorgeous, beautiful baby grandson lived with us, he would be about 18 months to two years old.

I never saw him from Friday morning until Monday morning because I would work on a Friday and get home after he'd gone to bed and the big prick would swoop in really early on a Saturday and cart him off to spend the weekend with his OW and her child.

He robbed me of my grand baby's early years.

Then when his relationship soured and she dumped him he took up with another ow and went to live in the ME for five years. Wasn't bothered about his grandson then, or the others that had come along. He got to see the oldest for one week a year.

This was the one he cried crocodile tears over when he was ten weeks old, hugging him and saying he'd always be there for him.

What a crock!

My new husband is doing more for my boy and did do all the years his ' grandad ' was away.

Agree in the box.

I felt totally de womanised. Like I wasn't woman enough.

I just got it the wrong way round...he wasn't a proper man!

Dowser Absolutely! de-womanised. How on earth do they become like this? I ended up resenting myself for not seeing things much earlier than I did and reducing myself to the 'pick me' dance. Good grief!

The worst bit for me is how it changed me from someone who believed in love to a distrustful cynic. I used to cry at weddings, now I sit there with a heart of stone and think 'you poor cow, don't do it'. I no longer trust anyone. Why would I when the person I trusted the most lied to my face every day for months. I will never love anyone other than my family again. I don't actually want to. Love makes you vulnerable. I have no desire to be vulnerable ever again.

Sad isn't it. He didn't even love her. She was the office 'tart' apparently. Someone who treated the married guys in the office as notches on her bed post. The more senior they were the better. The richer they were the better. Struck gold with him, couldn't really go any higher. That's how much I meant to him. So little he'd basically fuck anyone. I could have understood if he'd loved her. I only discovered this recently. For years I thought he'd fallen in love and for some strange reason that made it bearable. Everyone understands love.

I'm having a bad night, can you tell? Mostly I'm over it, but the odd time I'm not.

megandmogatthezoo Got to laugh wonder sometimes since and during the divorce I had to attend no less than three weddings. Yes it did make me have some odd feelings but they were more of "hope it all works out for you"

Two of them their respective parents & grandparents have been married for very many years and are truly happy so I suppose the children being bought up in stable relationships may well do better All were early thirties so perhaps a more sensible age.

What was grief was that all Three of them i was sat on what I think was the miscellanea tables for people not directly involved or related. There i was accosted by three Jesus freaks, one was a Jehovah s Witless and the the other from some fundamentalist bunch of happy clappy nutters and the worst one was i think a Plymouth Brethren? member.

She was the very worst every sentence was preceded with,

! If you embrace Christ !.

Go knows as does probably Allah I needed some stiff drinks there afterwards;!

The worst bit?

Rather than leave our marriage when he knew he wasn't able to stay honest, committed and faithful to me he stayed and gradually took more and more freedoms until he actually convinced himself AND ME that it was ME who was unreasonable/unstable for objecting to his affairs.

The second worst bit?

He left me for a woman who is exactly like him. it works for them. It is cold, really cold comfort to know that. I feel such a fool even 5 years on.