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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please help me. I'm an alcoholic

210 replies

Marryoneorbecomeone · 02/12/2015 09:17

Just that really.

I know I have a problem, I'm behaving very badly, and I need to stop.

I drink because I'm bored and lonely in the evenings when the kids are in bed. My marriage is stale but he's a good man and I'm letting him down.

Do I just turn up at an AA meeting?

OP posts:
Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 06/12/2015 13:46

Wow PointyThings! 15kg is tons!!! I'm a good 2 stone heavier than when this started so that'd be another benefit!

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Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 06/12/2015 13:46

Exwifebeginsat40 what a journey you've had! How inspirational! Good on you X X x

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Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 06/12/2015 13:49

Day 5, survived Saturday night with a long hot bath and candles. Not done that for years without wine. It was nice to just lie there and "be".

Seeing the girls this weekend. Hinted to one and she changed all our plans from cocktails to High Tea. I think she "gets it" without my having to spell it out.Star

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exWifebeginsat40 · 06/12/2015 14:06

that's amazing marry. one day at a time, and all that.

pointythings · 06/12/2015 15:19

That is brilliant, marry, what a result with your friends, and what amazing progress so quickly. It sounds as if you have hit this at just the right time, you won't look back now.

I'm sure there'll be a Dry January thread soon - I'll be on it, see you there?

OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer · 06/12/2015 18:14

yeah, Ill meet you on Dry Jan too

Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 06/12/2015 18:24

I signed up for that! Wine

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NotTheSpiceOfLife · 06/12/2015 18:28

Well done for getting yourself to AA. I'm a drug addict, clean for 44 days, and feel better physically than I have for years and years. You've been really great admitting you have a problem.

I attend NA meetings, which welcome all kinds of addicts, drug and alcohol - because of course alcohol is a drug too! Well done, one day at a time, and all that Thanks

Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 06/12/2015 18:51

Well done NotTheSpice! That's brilliant! X X X

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donajimena · 06/12/2015 19:33

Fantastic spice if you want to join us in the DRY thread it would be nice to have you.
Tomorrow I will be 28 days AF. I feel better than I have in years.

pointythings · 06/12/2015 21:20

Marry if you want something grown up to drink as a treat, may I recommend Bottlegreen lemongrass and ginger cordial? In fizzy water? It has a nice spicy bite to it and isn't too sweet. Waaaay better than Ribena.

NotTheSpiceOfLife · 07/12/2015 11:59

How are you today Marry?

donajimena I will pop over!

Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 07/12/2015 12:05

Morning! I'm ok thanks, my skin is looking a lot less patchy!

I've been reading about cognitive dissonance and how I think I might have been dealing with the pain if it but numbing it with booze. I think the journey to sobriety may be rather more searching than I'd imagined.

Going to AA again this week, in the next village. I live in horror at the thought of being discovered or recognised and yet I know there would be no judgement.

How you doing NotTheSpice? Flowers

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NotTheSpiceOfLife · 07/12/2015 12:11

Ok thanks! I was the same as you at the beginning, my NA meetings are right next to a big Asda, so I was fearful of people seeing me. Now I don't give a toss Wink

So glad you've made this decision. And wrt the therapy side of things, if someone had suggested 3 months ago that I sit round a table with a bunch of druggies and cry, I would have laughed my arse off. Guess what I do these days? Grin

exWifebeginsat40 · 07/12/2015 14:25

I'm having acupuncture twice a week at an amazing project that helps families affected by addiction. it's amazing. they are also offering me free, open-ended therapy, something the NHS won't do.

I'm a bit of a special snowflake as I have anxiety, depression and BPD, and am awaiting assessment for PTSD. all of this stems from my horrific childhood with alcoholic parents.

I'm grateful daily that I was finally able to stop, and that my daughter didn't see me drinking myself to death at the end. she will be having counselling after mocks. we are really close and she has said how different I am and how much closer we are now I'm sober.

I've been no contact with my mother for years. I am hopefully breaking the cycle although I'm terrified that my daughter has inherited my alcoholism.

we are not the only women, not the only mothers or parents living with active addiction. we are taking steps, and we are amazing!

exWifebeginsat40 · 07/12/2015 14:26

oh dear I have used too much amazing. sorry. post-acupuncture bliss!

Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 09/12/2015 12:49

Morning! It has now been one week since my first post. Shock

I'm sleeping better, feel less bloated and I'm going to AA tonight again.

I had my first night out with no booze last night and it was weird but fine. I watched how everyone else drank one or two drinks and knew I'd have had way more.

My husband has been incredibly supportive, and we are talking about holidays and how we need to pick carefully as lying in the sun tipsy isn't a winner!

I also told one of my oldest friends I'd gone to AA and he didn't take it well. I don't know if our friendship will survive this.

Thankyou all for your ongoing support. One day at a time!

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LobsterQuadrille · 09/12/2015 14:32

Hi Marry - well done to you! You have made such fantastic progress in the space of a week - even the tone of your posting sounds different - really upbeat which is brilliant. It's great that your husband is so on board too.

Regarding your friend - I didn't tell that many people that I was going to AA but my close friends saw it only as a positive thing (they had pretty much guessed anyway - not that I was drunk around them all the time, just that if I ever got the chance, I would always be the one with the empty glass while they'd taken a couple of sips). A couple of people had major issues with it - one was my mother, who defined (and still does define) the word "alcoholic" in terms of a bearded man lying on a bench clutching a brown paper bag with a bottle in it - I've had to accept (as in, part of the serenity prayer) that she'll never be able to change her view, and that's OK. The other friend who was very uncomfortable was someone who I am very sure had/has a drink problem himself, and didn't want to have to think about it.

Either way - and hopefully your friendship will survive - you have done and are doing exactly the right thing and should be very proud that you have taken the first steps. Keep coming back, as they say.

pointythings · 09/12/2015 16:52

Marry you sound so completely different - amazing what you can do in a week, and so glad you are already seeing benefits.

Your friend sounds like someone who has his own issues with alcohol, to be honest. I'd stand back and see what happens - if they drift away from you because you have taken a positive step in your life that is sad, but so be it.

Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 09/12/2015 23:30

Thankyou. I'm pretty shocked at the friend - he does have form for being a bit shit but I didn't think he'd be so blatant. I'd be very surprised if I hear off him again.

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Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 09/12/2015 23:33

Went to my second AA meeting, the stories are amazing and whilst I didn't hit rock bottom the way that many did, that's something to be grateful for.

I didn't really speak, except to one very kind man who made me feel so understood last week. All I said was "I came back". And then I got all teary and he told me well done.

I still feel like a bit of a fraud compared to some of the giant crashes some others have had, but as I said to my husband, it isn't doing me any harm.

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LobsterQuadrille · 10/12/2015 07:20

Marry, you are certainly not a "fraud" - someone who has become a very close friend drank at your levels and said she had known for many years that she had the capacity for sinking to a much lower level. I think that she was, as are you, incredibly wise and far-sighted to recognise that and to take steps early on to correct a problem that could so easily develop into a much bigger problem. She never did the 24 hour drinking, didn't have DTs or hallucinations or seizures, didn't conceal vodka in water bottles - and I really admire her for tackling it before it got to that stage. She still felt that she was powerless once she'd had that first drink - and that's what we all have in common.

As AA always says, look for the similarities not the differences. I remember thinking about 20 years ago that I "might" have a bit of a problem, and then reading an article about a woman with two small children who was so addicted that she could only take them swimming if she was wearing armbands, and she would fill the armbands with vodka to get through the hour. I recall the feeling of relief that I had: "Oh OK, I'm not that bad" - and I now wish I'd listened to my inner voice and done something about it then, before the insidious problem escalated, slowly but surely.

Well done on your second meeting. Flowers

donajimena · 10/12/2015 07:52

Hi marry
I didn't hit any rock bottom. (Actually there were a few incidents years ago that should have been classed as it)
Ok so I was a daily drinker but compared to some others.... sometimes I could feel the envy of others that I 'only' drank in the evenings.
My friend who died was astounded that I said I had a drink problem because I 'only' drank a bottle a day.
I agree with the statement look at the similarities not the differences.
My rock bottom was just that I was completely and utterly exhausted as the song goes 'so tired of always feeling sick and tired' !
Whilst my drinking was measured in the house when I went out it went through the roof. No moderation. Cue Sunday after Sunday feeling like absolute shit.
I just can't/couldn't do it any more.
I'm only 31 days in. My life is so much better already. I look better. I'm sleeping better. One thing that has really struck me is that when I go to my dance classes I can actually follow the movements (I'm convinced that my hand/eye coordination has improved)
The thing is whilst you and I may not have been pouring vodka on our cornflakes it certainly has the potential to go that way.
My big fear was that as my children became more self sufficient the need to moderate (only drinking at night ) would go and I would be drinking earlier and earlier. Its progressive.
I'm so proud of you.

Original poster
Marryoneorbecomeone · 20/12/2015 15:29

Hello! Just updating to say thankyou so much for the push to go to AA. I've been to 3 meetings now, and haven't had a drink since I posted. Smile

If I'm honest I haven't got my head around that I can never drink again but I'm more than happy to say that I won't drink today.

An calmer, the Prozac my doc has prescribed is helping, and I'm sleeping ok. The friend I thought would drop by the wayside, has completely disappeared, and it's his loss. My husband is v supportive, and I'm beginning to feel like me again.

Thankyou.

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fishfingersinmysandwiches · 20/12/2015 18:27

Hi Marry, another recovering alcoholic here - sober through AA. It's fantastic to read your last post. Getting sober was without doubt the best thing I ever did for my life Smile

It's great that you're going to meetings. And I'm sure you've been told this tons of times already, but I'll reiterate it just to make sure - alcoholism has nothing to do with how much or how often you drank.

Someone with alcoholism is simply someone who cannot consistently control the amount they drink once they start, and someone who continues to drink despite it causing negative consequences in their lives.

I wasn't always a daily drinker either. Sometimes if I gave it everything I had, I could even stop for months at a time. But I could never sustain it, and once I started again, that was that. Today I'm so grateful to be off that awful roundabout. But I couldn't have done it alone. That's where AA came in.

Wishing you all the very best.