Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

[venusandmars]

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

That is beautiful. May I ask where you live?

pop I live in East Sussex

Margie never heard of treggings what could they look like?

Margie just had a look, they look like jeggings that 'do up' like jeans at the top - I won't be buying any, far too lumpy and bumpy for something so tight

Spanna, that is gorgeous, I'm a Sussex girl too although I haven't lived there for years, that photo made me nostalgic.

Treggings and jeggings look like leggings to me, hence the confusion.

Sorry for the x-posting, thanks for the clarification! I've been substituting booze for chocolate so definitely won't be buying any either!

thedailydebrief.debenhams.com/fashion/leggings-jeggings-and-treggings-explained/

It all becomes clear...

Can't keep my eyes open any longer. Good night all zzzzzz

Hello Babes, tis me, Mouse

I'm so utterly sorry for being such a rubbish babe of late. There has been lots of poorliness with Nemo so he's been off school, although I did get to go out on Saturday with my girlfriends and raised a diet coke in aid of Ma's celebrations!

Whoever it was who suggested about getting my MP involved in the police case, thank you. I hadn't thought of that and please, please, excuse my ignorance. I have tried to talk to the officers involved in my case who said he'd come and speak to me and let me know where things were up to. I just feel in limbo so I'm now contacting Victim Support but is there anyone else I can contact?

I'm so scared that he's going to come after me again. I just feel so bloody trapped by this man, my life's on hold. He drove at me to crush me, then again to try and finish me off.... and yet he's roaming free in the next village along.

What do I do.

Sorry for asking and taking over with my woes. I've lost weight, can't eat, cry all the time, watch the CCTV we've had put in and won't answer the door without checking it first. Oh FFS, when I was in an abusive relationship, at least I knew what was coming. I punch, a slap, forced sex.......

This is much worse because he's fucking with my head. I need help but just have no idea where to turn without winding him up, you know?

Hi Mouse it all sounds really awful I have a few suggestions, MP is a really good idea. I would also go into the police station and ask to make an appointment with the chief & I would say that you're going to take your case to the Police Complaints Authority, they are an independent body that look into the police and the way they handle their cases. Make sure you have the officers' numbers, the chief's name and all the evidence you have (photos of injuries etc.) I'm also wondering whether this chap is a mason (and by the sounds of it rubs shoulders with the police, just a suggestion but I have a sneaking suspicion that they're on his side and I can think of no other reason) The other thing you could do if you're brave enough is get onto GMTV with your story, phone them, you have nothing to lose and it would name and shame your local police and the nasty vile individual involved. You could also go to the press with what's happened and lack of support from the police, you are the victim after all.
I'm so sorry to hear that Nemo's not been well I wish him a speedy recovery
Hang in there Mouse you are stronger than you feel right now, keep the faith, you have strong angels around you. I wish you all the luck and strength. Get the bastard by whatever means necessary (apart from murder of course, but I'd quite like to inflict alot of pain on this nasty individual)
For you

Morning All.

Must be quick, I have to go and pick my dad up from the ferry, but had to add and hugs for Mouse

Good morning babes,

mouse this whole situation beggars belief, YOU are the victim. YOU are the one that is scared and YOU are the one that deserves every reassurance that justice will be served. I'm dumbfounded that you have been left vulnerable, it's like being attacked all over again. I'm sending you a big warm Scottish hug and hope you get some success with spanna's wonderful advice. Xxx

margie your post touched me beyond words, your posts are warm, emotive and very important to all the lovely babes on here. I too feel a closeness with you all that seems strange given that any one of you could walk past me and I wouldn't know but I've told you all things I couldn't tell my friends and loved ones because no one here judges me, no matter how many times I fall, you babes help me up, and sometimes even hold me up when no one in RL can bare to look at me.

This bloody bus rocks and so does every courageous babe that found their way here xxx

Love to ma and joey cos your fab xxxx

Thanks so much Baby, big hugs to you.

Mouse, I'm so so sorry to hear of your awful situation with this brute. If it's not too painful could you give me a bit of the back-story - why is this man targeting you? I think Spanna's advice about going to the press is a great idea, I would start with the Daily Mail, they often champion people who have been let down by the authorities (allegedly ).

Does the Citizens Advice bureau still exist? That might be somewhere to go but it's been a long time since I lived in the UK so I'm not sure if they are still around. I also think you should get legal advice as you may well be able to take this man to court even if the police are not interested.

This man will not get away with this Mouse!

Afternoon Everyone

Can I get back on the bus?

I was last here in June after a particularly awful night , I didn't go into work the next day and was utterly ashamed, I stopped drinking wine after that but couldn't make a complete break from alcohol, telling myself I was fine. .

I went onto Gin and Tonic, reasoning that it was weaker, mixed mostly with tonic and ice , blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, dh has been teetotal since June of last year due to an illness, I carried on drinking daily whilst preparing the evening meals but would usually stop after eating, I often did feel less than 100% the next morning but could carry on as usual and go to work and function well.

Over the Christmas holiday I knocked back three big bottles of gin by myself and when I saw the recycling, full of tonic water bottles and gin bottles, I remembered the feelings of guilt I've been suppressing since June, I know I'm a problem drinker and I know I have to stop, there are no excuses to fall back on.

I haven't drunk at all since New Years Eve as I couldn't bear asking dh to buy me another bottle of gin.

I've been off work since the week before Christmas with a broken foot, nothing to do with alcohol I hasten to add, and I go back in a week or two.

That is going to be my biggest test, getting in from work and wanting a drink to wind down.

Sorry for the essay.

Hi Classy, welcome back! (Or do you prefer Still or SanDiego?)

You're doing great! Nearly 3 weeks AF is fantastic. I know what you mean about getting home from work and pouring yourself a drink - I always told myself it was my prize after a stressful day and I deserved it. The only thing is that I could never stop at one...

Can you replace the drink with something else? I've been eating my DCs' sweets as a treat instead! Or sometimes I have a tonic with lots of ice and lime and normally I pretend there's gin in there too.

Hi Margie, SanDiego is fine by me .

I've been having a mince pie and cream then lately a Bakewell tart with my cup of tea after we've eaten .

I'm hoping that my new found resolve will see me through, my mindset will hopefully be set firmly enough that the voice that used to say "go on, have one, what's the harm" will now say "you know what'll happen if you have one, don't do it".

sweet thanks for the documentary recommendations, i’ll be looking into those! I get such a high from being able to remember what I’ve watched on tv in the evening - that sounds so terrible written down

baby i hope you manage to get the support you need at your appt next week. It seems cruel that the tablets that make you feel better have horrible side effects.

pop, anne - huge well done, storming through dry january! pop - i see no problem hoping off the bus and then back on after - i plan to do the same one evening in early february as DH and i have a rare date night where i’d quite like a wee tipple.

work - hows it going?

mouse - i don’t know what to say thats not been said but your story has shocked and appalled me. From what i’ve read of your posts you are an inspirational lady who’s been through so much. You deserve better than this.

Welcome sandiego - isn’t the recycling bin a huge eye opener?? Earlier this week my dh said to me on bin day - ‘why is the recycling bin not full?’ and I didn’t have the guts to say ‘well its probably because its minus the 5+ bottles of wine I’d normally have put away this week’ - but thats definitely the reason. Took me back bit

Hope everyones ok this chilly wednesday evening.

Mmmm...SanDiego...Bakewell tarts. Yum. Hello and belated welcome.
Mouse sending all love and I am so so sorry. I totally agree with all the great ideas you have got here. I am so angry for you - you have fought so hard for so long and been so amazing and I can't bear that this guy should be able to do this to you. Stay strong, and definitely think about the MP, CAB and police complaints body. Local paper any good?

Hey Spanna, Margie, Sweet, Pop...and where's Ma got to today? Khalisi if you are lurking, big wave and I hope you are doing ok. Miss you.

I'm ok. Bit bored, to be honest, and still stupidly tired. Bit tetchy round the edges. I think that's just life, though, isn't it - unadulterated by alcohol. Went to a drinks reception last night and got really cross that the only viable drink was still water - loads of cocktails, different wine, beer etc ... and plain water. But I stuck to it and tbh didn't really think about drinking. Which is good.

Someone told me today about some elderly relatives who drank (to excess) in July and August every year and then were teetotal the rest of the year. That had an awful effect on my resolve and opened up an awful gleeful chink of light in my mind...I would love, love, love to be able to do that. But I can't. One day at a time, but equally I suspect for me that it has to be one day at a time within an overall framework where I know I can't drink again. Last year's six months on the wagon and six months well and truly off it proved that in spades. Me and moderation are not friends. But anyway, one day at a time..

Hope you're all doing ok. Sweet, how was your dad? Spanna, still loving your dog walk picture; gorgeous.

Thanks for the welcome everyone. .

I have a determination I didn't have last year, there's a bottle of wine in the fridge which I haven't given a thought to, that's an improvement for starters.

Hi everyone, it's lovely catching up with you, you're all doing so well!

mouse it was me who mentioned getting in touch with your MP - do let us know how it goes. The IPCC - Independent Police Complaints Commission - might be able to help but there is no harm in doubling up with your offensive. Going to the IPCC and then to your MP. Media won't touch this as it's an open investigation so don't bother with that, YET. There may be cause to in the future but let's hope it can all be sorted now.

In the meantime, in your area there may be solicitors who deal with restraining orders and you could get one against this chap. Have your GP on point when it comes to how this is affecting you and your health.

Really, I'd go in mob handed and teach this little fucker a lesson (within the boundaries of the law, obvs).

As for me, a quick update - still dry, yay! No massive cravings now, just fleeting thoughts that I push away. Even looking at DH with his beer every evening (just the one?! Fucking amateur) doesn't give me the heebies. There just seems to be too much to do and think about now and drinking is such a time and motivation thief!!!

Have been to meet with two partners at local firms who wanted to meet me after my informal email was met with invitations to send my CV to them. One offered me a position of great interest at the meeting (!) and the other, who I prefer, wants me to meet the other partners of the firm on Monday and wants to make it work for me to work at their firm - they didn't have a vacancy as such, hence the informal meeting in the Waitrose Cafe as opposed to an interview. But he doesn't really want to let me go to work at another firm in the vicinity...eek! Who knew! And to think I was nervous no one would even be interested in me, trying to get back in the game after 8 years breeding and feeding...

Keep strong all. I've heard the third week is a bit of a killer, a plateau off the pink cloud!

Am eating A LOT of chocolate bars too. This has to stop.

Bed now. x

Well tonight it will be my 7th night AF ...the longest since I was pregnant 6 years ago !
Feeling fantastic .
Cannot seriously believe how much time ive gained in the evening s ....like someone else said ....bedtime stories have become a pleasure as they should be not something I plough through .
Reading posts on here everyday is helpful and great support x

Well done tinker and south and all. Day 18? Here. Feeling ok but not like I've grown wings iyswim. Gp today for erratic period issue ( soz if tmi for 8am). Going away for ladies weekend intend to try and moderate. Haven't spent 4 nights away from kids ever. Let's see what happens. Waves to all babes.

Morning All.

*South, at your 'fucking amateur' DH - I have one of those too! But listen to you all in demand and stuff, revel in it, celebrate it, you're a !

PopHave a good weekend.

Small, Dad was lovely but annoying - he went up North this morning - he's a lot bit deaf, and had to make a lot of phone calls while he stayed. We heard every word, but he insisted in giving us a word for word account of everyone! He also insisted on getting the coach to Birmingham instead of the train because it was more convenient - no it wasn't, and it was more expensive and slower .

Need to get on with work now, (I've got films to watch - love my job) so will name check later.
Day 21 Yah!

HI babes, I am back to day 3 after blowing dry Jan. I got to day 13 and then for no real reason just decided I was tired of being vigilant . True to form I then drank a bottle a night for the next five nights, waking each morning feeling anxious and sure I was going to get back to af.....until that evening. Am tired of doing this again and again, the same old hamster wheel. It is, without doubt, easier for me just to drink each evening rather than making that conscious mental effort not to but the easier option doesn't give me much anymore. It makes me numb, less concerned about everything for a few hours but the lion awakes around 4am and then I am highly sensitive and worried about everything. After coping with that 'whole day' I am eager for the relief and numbness again. I am feeling really sick of it and just want to stop kidding myself that it's fine.

I know this is a me, me, me post, I just needed to let it out. So with a renewed desire to change things, today I will not be drinking. Xxx

Well done getting back on it beaches, that's not easy to do once you are in the grip of the ww. She was lurking, hunting around for someone to nab and she got you! (Just like in the old Tarzan movies when the natives always picked off the one at the back).

But we'll look after you. You're right, it's not easy but I promise it does get easier. 13 days is fantastic. You know you can do that now, even though it took a lot of careful planning to get there, you did it and that's brill

My footner arrived today and I couldn't wait til tomorrow so am just trying it out now. This time next week I shall have soft baby feet. Hopefully. Any other ideas for Friday night treatments/treats?

I think I'll do another facepack as I'm getting into a bit of a routine there. Maybe we could paint our toe nails or something?

Sorry not to name check everyone. I don't want to leave anyone out so big wave to everyone. Good to see lots of regulars checking in and new passengers always welcome as always x

You are very kind to me faire . Love the image of the khaki clad, daydreaming adventurer from the Tarzan movie being picked off! . I hope your footner delivers baby soft feet, god knows I could do with one of them - I got some underlying smooth foot cream for Christmas which is a treat but baby soft feet they are not. I did buy a tube of peel off face pack which I love, What a weirdly satisfying feeling when peeling it off

Also gives an all inclusive wave to all babes xx