Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

[venusandmars]

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

Hello everyone, and poor Sweetdog!!

I am glad to see we're all staying on or near the wagon! It's a massive, massive improvement for me anyway. As I say, life is a lot better without alcohol - at the moment. I don't want 'forever' to be in my head as that seems so insurmountable.

ma give yourself an hour in the dress and the spanx and see if it's worth it. Sometimes it can be terribly uncomfortable and ruin the night.

Anyway. All is well here. CV is being polished. I'm up to my personal interests blurb that you put at the end and it's really made me realise how lacking in motivation an oomph I've been recently. I had nearly nothing to put in there. What a boring, lazy bastard I am.

So that's made my mind up for me. I need a hobby that actually gets me out of the house! I can't put housework, washing piles and piles of clothes, ironing, clearing kids rooms, sorting this, sorting that...housework and child and house admin is massive. How is there room for anything else?

Also I had a bit of a panic when chatting with friends at the school gate - they were like WHY are you planning on getting back to work?! And asked me what we'll do when husband is away (regular) and school hols etc. We don't have family nearby so I just don't know.

How the fuck does everyone else manage?!

Had some cravings early evening yesterday as I wandered past the old wine fridge - we inherited a ton of drinks from people who were guests at our party on Friday! Anyway, glanced in and saw them all there, cold, dewey...yum. Also I'd taken a codeine tablet for a headache pain and I was a bit swimmy-headed with that (make sense?!) so I was being reminded of that lovely first-glass feeling. Which IS nice...it just leads me into the second glass...then the third and then I'm lost. Lost to the end of another bottle of Save Blanc. Then perhaps another as I seek some sore of oblivion. Which, looking at the state of my dull-as-fuck life, is no wonder really.

Moan moan moan. God I'm so boring. I'm doing my own head in!

Continue on-wards and upwards ladies.

Life is so much better without alcohol. All the 'problems' I have named above will be worse with alcohol in my life. This is a fact and one I ought to hold on to.

Have a lovely day, babes x x x

South, you are doing lots of positive stuff - don't get lost in all or nothing thinking - you are not boring and lazy, you are a busy Mum with other priorities. You've spent a lot of time putting your family first, and now you are getting the energy and motivation to do something for you

In terms of how people manage working and family, it's not easy - I don't have any family locally, and before DH, ExP (DS's Dad) was worse than useless. I think you just find ways through the situation in front of you, but it does get easier as they get older - at almost 14, DS is largely self-sufficient, and I get more time for me now. And this is just me, but, when DS was small, I needed to work to get away from him - he was a seriously full on small person.

Is there a hobby you fancy that might complement your family life? On of my neighbours has started a 'knit and natter' group, and has promised to teach me to crotchet if I come along - it's sociable, you don't have to create great art, and there is cake!

I have found that the weight loss has finally kicked in - in the first week I managed to put two pounds on, but I have managed to lose those and another two! Now, for the other 5lbs I put on in December.

Morning. Day 10 here. Got my nutribullet into action as well. Will I grow wings now?

Just checking in - sorry I haven't been around, and I hope you're all doing okay. I've tried to read back to see if there's anything important I've missed. Sorry to hear you didn't get anywhere with the police mouse - can you take up a civil suit?

I've been to AA a few times now, although their insistence on complete sobriety grates a bit, as I think I'm doing okay with controlled drinking. (Maybe I'm kidding myself?! )But they're all very kind and friendly. ha ha am just trying out the mumsnet app, maybe it will encourage me to post more often

joey. !!! So glad to hear from you. Kindness is all you need. Glad you found somewhere you feel relatively relaxed about. Great news. And lovely to have you back.

Hi guys

sweet you do do me proud, I'm very proud to call you my friend. A very carefully placed hug for pup xxx

joey soooo glad your back, there is a saying "whatever gets you through the night", I'm so glad AA is helping and you sound really good, I think any support from any source can only be a good thing. Welcome back, we missed ya!!! Xx

south you are doing soooo well, your a poster girl for the changes that can happen with determination and courage. I know when I was drinking everything in my life was a guddle, it took a while after I got sober to get my house, my life and my head in any kind of order. Think of all the hours you spent drinking or hungover over a week/month. As you continue to get stronger mentally and physically and you'll find the shit boring stuff takes less time cos your stronger, fitter and focussed then hopefully you'll get some "me" time and the right thing for you will become clear. I'm loving yoga and the gym at the moment, even a half hour walk at the same time each day with great music blasting can get the heart pumping and lovely seratonin swimming around your head. You've come so far already and it just keeps getting better, your on fire girlfriend!!!!

I love reading about you all, I don't think I'd have gotten this far without you all, I'm an only child but I feel like I've got loads of sisters (so corny but so true), your all AMAZE BALLS (my daughter would kill me for being so cheesy but I don't care, it's the truth xxx

So proud to be part of this crazy crew xxxx

Hello! I've had a busy couple of days and haven't been on. Hope you've all been well. I had a couple of very close calls while out the other night, including one at a restaurant when a friend jokingly tilted a bottle of wine at my glass of lemonade and offered to make me a spritzer. I said no but it was really strange and felt like a final ambush after getting past the offer of splitting a bottle and ordering a soft drink. I wasn't expecting it and felt really torn.

I've been musing on it a bit since then, thinking about how my brain was doing that typical 'You only live once, think of how nice it would be to share a few drinks, you'll have a great time, you can manage it' stuff, and how it almost won me over. I really need to get past the niggling urge that I'm missing out or will regret not drinking in the long run. It's not true. It's just not.

Also, I know no one meant any harm but it's hard when people seem put out when you decline alcohol, or do a double take. It makes me feel a bit guilty remembering times when I've reacted similarly to non-drinkers in the past, although I've never really been one to make a big thing of it at least.

It was really nice to wake up feeling energetic and able to remember all the conversations of the previous night without cringing. Plus, virgin cocktails are so much cheaper!

Well done that girl gorilla

Honestly, some people don't have a fucking clue do they? And yes, I will include my former self in that...-facepalm-

Anyway, you did so well, I am very proud of you doll.

Thanks for all your kind words re the work thing. I've decided to go for it and try and get a part time position that will fit in with family life. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work and that's that.

joey welcome back! Glad to see you're doing well. I've been wondering about you. From what I know about AA the abstinence thing is because that's the one sure-fire way of not getting too drunk, ever again. They have so many years' worth of experience and so many thousands and millions of people probably working the programme, I really do think they know what they are talking about. So it may be that you just aren't an alcoholic, which is what AA is for. I don't know if I am but alcohol is sure causing me problems so that's why I've stopped. They also say that alcoholics almost have an allergic reaction to alcohol, i.e. have one, have 100...

Now, this isn't me all the time but it was me A LOT recently. So a break was needed. I don't think you can work the programme whilst moderating or even planning on drinking in the future.

Anyway, you see to be handling moderation really well and I know AA's philosophy is one that we could all do with following from time to time so I don't think it'll do you any harm to be in the rooms.

Right, better go and put the dinner on and see what I've got in the cupboard for this meeting on Tuesday with a potential employer!

I can't pick Sweet Dog up until 6.30, there is a huge, spaniel shaped hole in my life - how on earth am I ever going to go on holiday? I get sad if I don't see him for a few hours! I've also missed our walks today!

Joey!! Good to see you back.

sweet love love love the pictures, he's a handsome fella xxx

Thank you Baby, he is such a joyous soul too.

Gorilla, well done, remembering the night is a bonus - I was listening to AA Gill and David Yelland were talking about their drinking this morning on R4 (ahead of the C5 programme tonight). Gill talked about having a 10 year gap in his memory, and whilst I am not quite there, the last 10 years, is a little hazy .

Gosh, South, you move fast - a meeting set up already, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Poor SweetDog may forgive me having his balls cut off, but he is having a major sulk about the cone/collar thing

Gorilla well done on your successful night out, that must have felt so good managing to turn down the offer of drink. I’ve been in that situation before and caved at the second offer…almost like I have enough willpower to say no once but not twice!

Sweet super well done on the weight loss, it should be a pleasing side effect of this abstinence thing so glad its kicking in. I am down 3lbs from the 1st January but still up about 10lb from my pre baby weight - its a bit of a target along side being sober to shift the last of the weight (I put on 3.5 stone so had a fair amount to loose!) I'm sure it'd have come off last year had I not been drinking pretty much every night.

South well done on steering clear of your bulging wine fridge, i don’t know how you do it, I’ve never been able to have wine in the house.

Going reasonably ok here, have noticed over the past couple of days I get intense cravings out of the blue at really random times. It was in the middle of a meeting at work yesterday - I got all excited at the prospect of having a glass of wine when I got home, then realised 'oh no, I'm not drinking'. Then the hour of battling back and forth in my mind ensues....

I still find it extraordinary how my mind STILL thinks it would be nice to have a drink despite the fact that I am genuinely the happiest i've been in about a year. How screwed up is that.

sweet he is a lovely fella. Maybe he won't be so, erm, springy (!) when he recovers?!! Beags was 'done' when we got him but I know he'd be pissed about the cone too. He's paw-pumping your fella...

claret that's the AV messing with your brain...lying, promising to much but delivering nothing but, literally, pain! Be strong lady x

Hi everyone, you are all doing really well.

I haven't had drink since NYE and have had few cravings but I'm getting there. My sleep is soooo much better, when I was drinking I'd fall asleep instantly but wake from about 3am onwards. Now I'm taking longer to get to sleep but sleeping so much better and feel refreshed when I wake.

I've lost 3 1/2 lbs so that's a big plus. Tomorrow I'm Back to work after having a month off but looking forward to getting back.

But this is where I need some help, I have an evening out on Friday. An activity that I would normally get drunk (normally so badly that I blackout and don't remember most of it anyway). I have one drink and can't stop.

I need some tips as to how I avoid that first drink, how do I stay sober? What can I drink instead, I don't like Coke or lemonade and I want something nice.

rac well done for getting to day 14!! Glad you're seeing the benefits. Sleeping is so much better sober, I look forward to going to bed every night knowing I'll have a refreshing sleep.

For drinks on Friday, how about lime and soda? Or bitter lemon? Those are usually my go to af pub drinks. Or a virgin cocktail if they do them?

I'm definitely not an expert on how to turn down that first drink so will wait for wiser folk to impart their knowledge!!

Morning All.

Rac, VISUALISE. for the next couple of days, try to think about that first drink, asking for it, what it looks like, how cool the glass feels. "I'll have a lime and soda please". Practice saying it as you are walking into the venue, and hold that phrase close to you as you walk up to the bar. "I'll have a lime and soda please", "With ice?" "Yes please". You only have to avoid the first drink, good luck.

Well Dog is his old bouncy self, and is resisting the urge to lick the wound (thanks to lashings of sudocreme), so we may not need the cone too much.

Claret, it will happen, but once not drinking becomes a habit, and you're not thinking about it, the random cravings with diminish.

South, by working cocker standards, Sweet Dog is calm and chilled already (a bit like a beagle not being food motivated - you've heard they exist, but never thought you'd meet one!). I waited for a year because there's less chance of it changing him.

Another long day at work today, so no chance of being tempted - especially as I can't take Dog into the bar . Have a good day everyone.

Gentle cuddles for sweetdog

rac, I've got a tricky weekend coming up too so we can keep each other strong. My parents are visiting so DH and I have a very rare dinner out together. The Wine Witch is well and truly in action in my head just now. There's also the fact that I know my parents would dearly love another grandchild. If I'm not drinking will they be getting their hopes up?

Morning everyone. Hope you're all doing ok. Glad Dog is doing well.

Anyone see the C5 documentary last night on alcoholism? I've just watched it this morning. The interviewees seemed very straight and honest (and brave) and it was good that the programme makers didn't do much gimmickry and simply let people tell their stories, albeit heavily edited.

What struck me was how no-one said anything i haven't felt myself, or we haven't all spoken about on here. I found that both comforting and a bit scary. There's that slight sense of relief when you see someone 'worse' than you (e.g. I never woke up and drank straight away - so hey, I must be 'fine'): but ultimately I have the same problem with the same substance and whilst the triggers and gradations may be different, the effects are identical in everything other than relative severity. There but for the grace of god/whatever, as David Yelland said. So overall I found it a really reinforcing watch, seeing the bravery of the people who were in recovery but never complacent - albeit there was no 'scales falling from eyes' moment (and I shouldn't expect there to be - down to me to go through that experience myself).

Sorry, bit rambly - guess I should process my thoughts before dumping them on you babes. Positive thoughts to anyone concerned about the weekend ahead - like Sweet says, visualise, visualise and - if all else fails in the early days at least - don't be afraid to leave/go to bed slightly early (if you can). It may sound defeatist and isn't a long term strategy, but for me this time last year a couple of 'I'm not feeling great, so sorry I'm just getting over a cold' earlyish exits from parties served me pretty well when I was aware I was about to hit a WW trigger during the course of an evening.

Have good days, all.

isinde don't feel bad, just get back up and continue on. You've done so well so far, don't let this slip up throw you off track. Do you know what your trigger was? Maybe that'll help to ward off the ww in the future?

small that documentary sounds fascinating, and I can totally understand what you say about the same symptoms but different volumes. I've never been an all day drinker or even a huge drinker every time I drink but I do obsess about drink and I do regularly fail to have a stop switch, which to me deems me as a problem drinker. Alcoholic? Probably not. But I certainly have issues that I'm not sure have a label. I'll watch the programme once the little lady goes for a nap.

april I'll be in a similar situation on Sunday, ours is a family meal where I'll not be drinking (never happens!) and they're expecting another baby soon so ears will prick up. 'All' you need to say is that you are doing dry January, feel really good for it and in your own mind remember why you are doing this - as sweet said, visualise the conversation. be strong.

Isinde sending all love and hugs. Do not beat yourself up. Pick yourself up instead - it is one day, only one day. Can you try to figure out what and why it happened? Dread phrase - but maybe learn from it? It is not a failure - just one day, and today is a new one to start again. Hang in there babe

I watched the doc (I'm An Alcoholic: My Name Is... for anyone that wants to google) and really liked it. Found myself nodding along a lot. I thought it was really well-made and edited- it would have been so easy to leave out the issue of relapse and the difficulties of long-term sobriety, and instead just focus on a straightforward feelgood narrative, but whoever made it seemed to have a good understanding of alcoholism and recovery. It was only 45 minutes but fit so much in. Found myself mulling a lot after it ended.

isinde darling use it as new motivation to start again. It's just a lapse and you can learn from it.

Just been watching Young Americans video with Luther vandross on backing vocals. He's so full of cocaine ( Bowie not Luther) and looks so beautiful.

Finally feeling a slight little boing ( autocorrected as boring initially , talk about Freudian) but aware of how fragile it may be.

Ah bugger Isinde, was it the train ride home? Don't let it fuck you up, you had a good long run. How many days was it? However many it was, you know you can do that now, so you can do it again. I know you can.

Hopefully the withdrawal phase won't be so long as it was only one sesh but, bloody hell, two bottles after that long break must have given you the hangover from hell

Get lots of sweet treats in tomorrow and you'll soon bounce back my lovely x

Rac you really do need to put every ounce of cunning into avoiding that first drink. That's the only one that will slip you up. If it's really bad, just tell yourself 'not today but maybe tomorrow', a sort of delaying tactic.

If all else fails, fake a headache and go home.

I'm facepacking again tomorrow. Facepack Friday already, can't believe how quickly that week went. I'm thinking of doing Footner Friday next week as I've heard they're good but never tried one. Also, tomorrow will be almost halfway way through January so hang in there babes, we're going to get there one day at a time