After 5 years in what I can finally see as an abusive marriage I have left. It didn't start like this.
There were subtle emotional digs slowly chipping away at my confidence over time.
He told me I was mentally unstable that I needed to visit a GP and acquire medical assistance. He repeatedly told me that I was insane, if I ever got upset.
Everything was always "my fault"
He lied to me repeatedly with the justification that he did it because I would have only got angry therefore he could not possibly tell me the truth.
I wasn't "allowed" to be treated nicely as I didn't "deserve" it due to the fact I had the audacity to stand up to him at times.
He was sexually controlling
A compulsive liar
He gas-lighted
A cheat
He had a double life
To everybody else he was kind and caring and a wonderful, I thought nobody would believe me.
He told me if I ever left him he would destroy my life, make up lies, get me sacked from my job.
Over the past few months I began to wake up to the situation I started noticing things , started putting my ducks in a row and gathering evidence, finding a new home for myself, so I could leave.
Even when confronting him, it was my fault he met up with women for sex because I didn't fuck him when he needed it.....
I left, it's very early days, I feel free and I feel an immense feeling of relief. My space, body and brain finally feel like my own. I just can't believe at times I let this happen, some days I feel like screaming.
I never want him back in my life. I just need some support to stay strong and keep pushing on.